| A ,
*amie
writes: I read my girlfriend's diary. There was something in there that caused me pain about another guy. I became quiet and she realised something was wrong. I told her I read her diary and now she says she does not think she can trust me and will not speak to me.This all came to a head last night. Am I going to lose her? What do I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2008): The issue of trust is a big one, rading her diary may have been the wrong thing to do, but the bigger issue is why you felt the need to, and for her why she felt that the inforamtion was so very secret in an honest and open relationship.
The issues you probably need to address with yourself are probably more to do with your own self confidence and self esteem. You read her diary because at some level you felt insecure.
Women have a deep understanding of insecurity, and can detectit in males, and they loath it, it repeles them faster then anything on earth.
The otehr guy is for the moment, displays the stronger personality than you, and therefore is in the mind of your GF a better option as a provider.
When she says she doesn't trust you, she is saying she doesn't trust you to be the provider, and deliver for her, when you got upset about what you read, you displayed need, she doesnt want you to be needy, she wants you to provide.
Change your ways, you need to get a grip quick, and its a grip of yourself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): I just found out my boyfriend was reading my diary and I am so hurt. I don't see a future for the two of us anymore. It's not the first time, he first went through my phone and now this. There is obviously no trust in this relationship. How do I know he is not doing other things behind my back. If I don't want him to know about my past relationships I don't want to, period. It is so wrong?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Hey
you read her diary!
you will loose her
and that is it
of course she doesn't trust you know because you invaded her privacy and personal space and yea.
If you talk to her and explain there could be SOME possibily but not likely. I know this 'coz my girlfriend read MY diary and it hurt like hell. gd luk
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2007): I recognize your story, i had a similair experiance with my girlfriend. I felth she was'nt telling the truth about her past with a certain guy, but instead of having the balls to say that I thought it was bullshit or that I thought she was holding stuff back i\ve read her diary. . . What a mistake to make. It turned out i was right about it, about the type of relation between her and her ex (seeing that that was what i found out by reading her diary) and I even got mad at her for lying to me after i just found out, not in her face but i was like;"see i knew it, why would shy lie about i ?" after that i kept it to myself for 2 weeks and eventually told her about it. It has'nt proven to be a problem, our realtionship is so good that it survived this without a scratch (We can talk about everything, everytime) but we made eachother a promise, she will tell me the truth when i ask her something and I will talk to her when I think something is'nt right.It's all about the communication.If she still does'nt trust you after about a month or 2, than your relationship is doomed, my girl trusted me within a week again and put her diary from its hiding place back into the old spot.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): Sometimes when people know they have done something wrong they try to avert attention from what they did by focusing more on the minute parts of what others did. She hurt you and whatever she wrote she probably feels guilty about so instead of facing that she got angry at you for "violating" her. And as much as you were wrong it doesn't make it okay for her to all of a sudden have trust issues with you and not expect them to come back at her. Its a defense mechanism and you should recognize it for what it is before it gets out of hand. Odds are she does it in other areas of your relationship too. Ask yourself if that is okay with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2005): Ok I dont think you trusted her so you read her diary now I dont blame her for not trusting you now.
...............................
A
reader, confused_gurl +, writes (17 April 2005):
Well this is just my opinion. You made the first mistake by reading her diary. I dont really blame her for not trusting you temporarily. But, just try to show her that you can be trusted, and maybe you will earn her trust back. Talk to her about it. good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (16 April 2005):
 Trouble is trust works both ways. You didnt trust her, so you looked in her diary. She now cant trust you as you read her diary! We all do silly things when we are in love and frightened of losing someone, but to act distrusting is so hard to recover from. Now, you have looked in her diary and whilst you shouldnt have done it, you did see something that gave you cause for suspicion. The trust element is now not there at all for you with her, maybe the reason she is cross is because she got found it ? maybe she is seeing someone else and you thought that and thats why you looked in her diary. She could be just as mad that you didnt trust her in the first place and its upset her. You need to actually establish, why you felt you didnt trust her, and also if there is someone else. You will need to discuss why this happend and see if you can talk it through. If there is no one else, and you promise to never check up on her again, maybe you can rebuild the trust and start again. Maybe try and get her to understand why you did it and take it from there, tell her how you feel, and that you would really like to give it another shot and see if you can move on from this. You cant know if it will work unless you give it a try.
...............................
|
