A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is just a bit of a general questioning and open for discussion on the topic of being chatted up..As a female when men 'hit on you' in the street during the day or in a bar, do you think these types of men are ever genuine or are they the type of men who are always hitting on women?For reasons I don't understand(!) I've had an unusual amount of direct contact from men recently, approaching me in the street, talking to me in shop queues, clubs etc and asking me out even through I don't know them from Adam! While it could be viewed as flattering I am starting to wonder if men are just approaching me because they think I look 'easy'? I don't dress particularly provocatively so what makes a man think its ok to stop me in the street and ask for my number? Is this to do with a rise in the 'pick-up' culture? Has anyone ever forged a successful relationship from initially being "chatted up" when you were previously both strangers on the street/bar etc? Obviously everyone is strangers at first but most my previous relationships have begun when getting to know someone through friends of friends. Maybe I'm limiting myself though? Last night an attractive looking guy actually hit me with the "Whats a nice girl like you doing in a place like this..?" line in a reggae club while I was obviously trying to dance with my friend. As I'm not rude and don't like to hurt anyones feelings I chatted with him briefly and before I knew it he was suggesting dinner, drinks bla bla.. and while he was quite good looking and funny I was completely put off by the fact he had just met me on the dance floor and was saying all this stuff.. Maybe I should have given him a chance? It was my feeling though that if it hadn't been me, it'd have been whatever other girl was standing there. Am I being too reserved?Interested to hear any views! Cheers. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 My sister met a guy in a bar one summer. They've been married now for 12 years and have 2 children. Funny thing was that she hadn't been all dressed up for the evening, she and a girlfriend had just come in off the beach for a drink before dinner. Her hair was a wreck and she had no makeup on, and she wasn't planning on meeting anyone. I guess the lack of 'war paint' and her being natural and not trying to impress anyone was more appealing than she had realized.
Some guys are on the make, no question, but there are guys who genuinely are interested in dating and having a relationship. I guess the key is to sort them out, and I think just giving them time to show their true intentions is a decent strategy. A player isn't going to put in the effort needed to get to know you if the 'reward' of sex is months off on the horizon. A guy with other ties, like a wife or girlfriend, won't give you the home number and address.
Just be patient and observe, the truth will be out soon enough!
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (17 July 2011):
 "...do you think these types of men are ever genuine or are they the type of men who are always hitting on women?"
Why can't it be both? The only ways to meet new people are to be introduced by mutual friends, or to talk to strangers. I'd be willing to bet most of these guys see you, decide you're attractive, and go talk to see whether you're worth getting to know or up for casual sex.
The way guys figure it, once we've talked for a minute or two, either we'll get shot down, have an opportunity for casual sex, or make a new friend/romantic interest. While some men are only looking for one thing specifically, most are going to see what kind of woman you are before they decide which to go for.
You don't owe a chance to anyone you're not interested in. You have every right to be put off. You do owe it to your fellow human beings to be polite and respectful; you owe it to yourself to give some guys a chance so you can meet a worthwhile one. Some bad first impressions come from decent men. Take it all as a compliment, and manage the attention as best you can.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (17 July 2011):
 You are over thinking it.
It takes a lot of courage to walk over for some of these guys and obviously you have something that is worthy of drawing them in.
Not all men are the same. Some flirt just for the enjoyable rush of flirting! It feels good to have that electrical banter back and forth of chemistry and converstation.
Some men are looking to meet other people. They ask you OUT because they want to get to know you. How are they going to get to know you for the opportunity of more if you shoot down the chance? Why are you put off of someone coming up to you, admiring you and wanting to spend time with you on another day?
Yes, you want to be safe and choosy! DATING is just an activity to find out more about someone and IF they are more than just available.
You are worried if you are just another warm body and anyone would do. Well, you are not going to find that out without the date.
If a first dinner and drinks date intimidates you, then suggest a breakfast or lunch, DAYTIME date. Somewhere in public or a walk in the park with lots of people.
What is your ideal for someone asking you out? Is it realistic?
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A
male
reader, Ronnie70 +, writes (17 July 2011):
 Maybe it's your perfume? That 'Impulse' stuff allegedly works like that, much the same as 'Lynx', the male equivalent.
You've obviously got that certain something that attracts the men and the attention. If I see a 'Pippa Middleton' backside in tight jeans there is a great deal of inclination to voice my appreciation to the lady in question but I usually resist it. Maybe today's men are less inhibited than I.
As to what 'they does mean' - it means you are fanciable and an object of desire to a lot of men. Faint heart never won fair lady so I guess they figure that if they don't make a move on you somebody else will, and they'll miss out. Make the most of the attention - I know I would if it ever came my way!
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