A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For the last 12m, my bf of 8 yrs (who I live with) has had problems maintaining an erection. We had some financial problems, and I found out he'd been flirting with a woman from work, posting himself on 'adult dating' websites and sending/receiving intimate photo text messages to women from the websites about a year ago. I confronted him, we worked it through, and our relationship has got better. The financial worries have been sorted, and it feels like things are back on track EXCEPT sexually. He always looses his erection when we attempt intercourse. He doesn't drink lots of alcohol, and I don't put pressure on him to perform. We did talk about it a while ago, and he doesn't know why it happens, and didn't want to talk about it. He thought it would improve with time, but it hasn't. I told him I was worried it was because he no longer finds me attractive, but he said this is not so. I make an effort to look good, and everything else in our relationship is good. He still gets morning erections, so I don't think it's a physical problem. I guess what I'm asking (especially if there are any guys reading this) is: what can I do to help things? I don't want to talk to him about it again, as I don't want him to feel under pressure. Any advice would be appreciated.
View related questions:
erection, flirt, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): You should try new things. Have sex during his morning erection and see what happens. Do oral and see what happens get kinky include chocolate syrup, whipped cream, or fruits.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): You should try new things. Have sex during his morning erection and see what happens. Do oral and see what happens get kinky include chocolate syrup, whipped cream, or fruits.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): Thanks for your advice, guys. I'm hoping it's not that he doesn't feel the same about me anymore, and that maybe he is still stressed, but I guess that's what I was thinking at the back of my mind... :(
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 March 2009):
 It seems to me that you don't see the problem as it is, and, therefore, are trying the wrong remedies.
The morning erections are proof that he is physically capable of sustaining intercourse. Ask any doctor, or any source of information, and you will find that the reason why he doesn't sustain erections with you is psychological. In less convoluted terms, there's still a problem between you two, and THAT is what needs fixing.
He has been exchanging messages and pictures with other women, flirting with another woman, and offering himself in adult websites. That doesn't sound like a man with erection problems, but as a man who is looking for someone else.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): I don't mean to sound really negative, but first off, ask yourself whether you can be really 100% sure that he has stopped flirting with this woman and stopped posting himself on dating websites.I'm really sorry if I sound pessimistic, but the reason i'd suggest you asked yourself that is that this erictile problem and this could be linked. Perhaps he doesn't fancy/love you anymore, or he fancies someone else. If you're sure this isn't true, it sounds like he may have erictile dysfunction. Check out http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Erectile-dysfunction/Pages/Introduction.aspx?url=Pages/what-is-it.aspxto see if he has the symptoms. If he does, contact your GP and you can get it sorted.I can understand it is hard to bring it up with him, but sometime, upfront brutal honesty is best. If you think he may have erectile dysfunction then ask him because it would need to be sorted.Although I would seriously consider what I said above, the reason he may find it hard to maintain an erection when you already know that he's been flirting with another woman AND posted himself on dating websites, may be because his feelings for you are no longer what they used to be.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): Hello there. I have ad this problem myself. I wont go into detail as to why this was happening to me but it was not something i thought i could deal with easily at the time i tried loads of Erection pills and other things. The only thing that seemed to have some sucess was a cock ring. I found it help to keep me hard while having sex. However for me the problem was still there. I spoke to my partner about it who was understanding much like you are being with him. I eventually found that having lots of forplay and massarge in the area help me alot. Generally massarge is what stops it comming back. I think what happened to me was due to lot and lots of stress. I now have regular back massarges and feel much better for it. I also dont have this problem anymore. Most guys will not be the same hardness throughout a bout of sex this is not unusal. Be glad he can actually get an erection. If nothing i have said helps then i would say go to your doctor. ITs not something a man wants to do but im sure the doctor will be able to help.
...............................
|
