A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This question may sound really silly to some but something I would like everyone's opinion on. Do you think that if a man cheated on his girlfriend for the entire length of their relationship of nearly three years, broke up and then strung her along for another year - leading her on by saying things, sleeping together and then saying he only wanted to be friends - could such a man have ever loved her or even cared for her a little?
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (12 December 2008):
 For Twilight1. You are right. My answer might have been a half decent answer to a different question. Certainly this man does not seem like a attractive specimen.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): It doesn't sound like he is capable of real love. He obviously loves himself more than anyone else.
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A
female
reader, Twilight#1 +, writes (4 December 2008):
 this is for baddogbj, All I was trying to clarify is that men who truly and utterly love their women will think twice before number one putting themselves in the position to cheat and secondly cheat at all. THIS MAN cheated on this poor women for 3 whole years.... ??? Ok one or two at most of a 'mistake ploy' but 3 years is saying to me "hey, I wont to be with you... because your cool.... but I'm going to break your heart and sleep with whomever I please... I had time to think about your feelings (3 years worth) and truly ... so what" and then LEAD her on for one more year... That is CRUEL... and not love... Yes I understand that people cheat while still supposedly in love... but this man is clearly not that type... ---to me that is---
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008): to answer your question, i tink the guy has serious issues either he's a player or he needs a good physcologist..ask yourself this, if you loved a man for three years would you constantly cheat on him and then string him along and do the same? if that were the case then you wouldn't bother with this site, your obviously better than that.if he was a player what kind of things did he say to the other women in bed, the same bullshit no doubt, who wants a man who's an expert on playing with women's feelings, he has probably left a trail of destruction behind him, and if he's not a player then he's short a few up there and needs help, and you can be with somebody who makes you feel important while he gets that help and learns the meaning of loving somebody.definitely no love there, or at least not the kind anyone wants.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2008):
 I think that in his warped way, he must have cared for you, or he wouldn't have stuck around for so long. But keep in mind it's a WARPED way, not the normal decent guy kind of love. He's not worthy of you. And you certainly should not be spending any time trying to figure out his motives. His motives are all between his legs, really. Some guys are just cheaters and can cheat on the most wonderful woman they'll ever meet. So stop beating yourself up about this, and please, please, please don't waste any more time trying to dissect his feelings or motives because a normal person will never be able grasp them. Okay? Take good care of yourself, and move on! Time wasted on him is time wasted on making your new life.
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female
reader, blackroses2989 +, writes (3 December 2008):
 omg honey im so sorry, but men like that dont love, they fuck. Thats all they do. Maybe he is a sex addict, but no i doubt he really loved you. Ive been there too. Try to find a man who wants to be w u for you. While sex is a nice perk, get a man who takes time for you and your needs.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj +, writes (3 December 2008):
I beg to differ with the first two aunties. Of course cheating is wrong, it is a bad thing but it is not impossible that he had love for you. Sounds as if this guy behaved badly and for all I know he may be a complete waste of space however there has to be some challenge to the standard reaction that "if he loved you he wouldn't cheat". "If he loved you he wouldn't have cheated ... if he cared for you he wouldn't have cheated because he knows that will hurt you badly". Let's change that to "If wanted to be healthy he wouldn't eat too much ... if he cared about his health he wouldn't over eat because he knows that will increase his health risks"There are many people (myself most certainly included) who know that we are overweight. We wish that We were not. We know that as a result of being overweight we may incur substantial medical costs, lose several years of life expectancy and get to spend less years with our grandchildren. We know why we are overweight - too much opening of the fridge door and too much too food down down the mouth. In other words we KNOW that there are extreme negative consequences to ourselves and to THOSE THAT WE LOVE MOST and yet we still do it. It can be the same with cheating. Sure some people are just bad people for many others cheating is a character or personality flaw that means that we engage in behavior that we know to be wrong and to be harmful to ourselves and to those that we love but we do it because the short term payoff is attractive - in the same way that the 11.30PM trip to the fridge has an attractive short term payoff.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): Absolutely not. He simply saw her as a sex toy and little else, a convenient warm and wet place to put his thingamajig - unless she did his cooking, washing and ironing for him, in which case he saw her as his personal cook and laundress as well.
You just don't treat the woman you love and care for in that manner.
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A
female
reader, Twilight#1 +, writes (3 December 2008):
My opinion is no... if he loved you he wouldn't have cheated... if he cared for you he wouldn't have cheated because he knows that will hurt you badly. HOWEVER there are some situation where the guy does love his girlfriend and made a mistake but for 3 years... thats not right or fare to you. I know it will hurt to realize the feelings he had for you weren't strong enough to keep him from cheating. That has nothing to do with you 'what you did wrong' or 'what you could've done better'... its all on him!
Many guys come back to the girls they cheated on... but I wouldn't ever trust him again... Protect your heart!
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