A
male
age
41-50,
*ed667
writes:Before we got married I was always attracted to my wife and would often fantasize about her. We never managed to have a very successful sex life primarily because my mind would always wander and I wasn't therefore able to achieve orgasm. Then I started becoming attracted to other women - colleagues and even her sister. I have never cheated on her though, but I know find myself having to imagine one of these women each time in order to achieve orgasm. How can I get those feelings of lust back for my wife, who I love, instead of for these other women?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): So what you are doing is achieving an orgasm using your wife’s body but fantasising about other women. You don’t mention how long you have been together. What’s blocking your thoughts? Is it perhaps you think married women are mothers that have to behave in bed? Examine your thoughts, ask yourself questions. See your wife for who she is. Not who you wish her to be. You want to lust after your wife, make things exciting then change starts with you.
A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 while i do agree a lot of men, maybe even urself, like variety, once in a while, i also think that now that ur married, its to one woman. ur wife. and sex can be repetive etc and eventually become drull. however, a lot of married or men who are commited to one woman tend to miss, the thrill of the hunt. and thats where ur fantasies are taking u. so, like the experts say ALL the time, just because ur married, does not mean u shoulod stop dating because keeping the spice in ur life, even after 30 yrs of marriage is vital. cheating is not just the physical act of sex with another woman. it can be in the form of pornography, visual, emotional, and fantasies can also be a mild form of cheating. lusting, desiring, fantasizing etc, well we live in a world that has evolved and changed soo much, and we have come to make soo many excuses for the reasons we do things, and try to defend the excuses we make. get off of ur wife, my dear friend, not her sister or other woman. if u think u found the one, then embrace her entirely. shes giving u her body, her heart and soul. this i9s a little off topic, but i thought id add it. my friends bf whom shes been dating for 4 yrs now, they had a lot of fights after they had gotten their first pc 2 yrs ago. she caught him watching porn, and since shes savvy with computers she saw he visited free porn sites like youporn, , but this was not just the problem. even before the pc issue theyd have mad crazy sex like 5-6 times a day, and shed wake up to seee him wacking his dick at some porn on his dvd. she kept quiet about it, but eventually confronted him. their sex life was almost destroyed. because it affected her emotionally, thus rendering her unable to orgasm, her sex drive plummeted, and she was in grief. to the men out there who justify porn,. how do youfeel when a woman commentys on ur cock size? or says something that is sensitive to u? a lot of men start to question themselves, feel insecure.so, i think that we need to stop jstifying why we do things, if we know it hurts the other, we should never engage in something that destoys and damages another persons outlook on themselves. or makes them insedure. and if ur wife knew u were fantasizing about other women, i think it might destoy her emotionally. so i think u should reevaluate what made u fall in love with her in the beginning. start noticing the subtler things about her, like the sexiness of he waist, the small of her back, maybe the tiny single hair that keeps on growing above her lip.or the way she licks her upper lip when shes nervous. or the way she gasps when u first penetrate her, the warmth of her body as u cuddle her. if u wake up at night, turn and just stare at her and study her while shes sleeping. think of how cute she is when she snores, or smile at her little pool of drool on the pillow. a lot of people dont care to look at the subtle things that are there everyday, in our face. or perhaps there just too busy noticing other people, or fantasizing and too busy to notice the wonderful, beautiful creature that lies fsithfully next to u each and everyday. life goes by so quickly. everydasy that comes could be ur last u spend with ur love one. so turn up the heat in ur relationship, and do things together and make eachother fee100%secure. security is so important. we are unfortunate that in todays world, we dont ever have enough of it anymore. when u have sex with her, breathe in her warm smell, and savour her, like a meal that took forever to make and smelled soo good, and now u can finally indulge in it. be aware of all ur senses, when u make love, like the way she feels under your fingers, the contours of her body, the way her muscles move under u, the way her back arches when shes moving in rythym with u, the sound of her heart beating, smell her breath as she exhales while u are making love, listen closer to her breathing, her gasps and moans as u bring her to orgasm. u will find, i nhope, that shes the only woman u will ever wish to fantasize about. theres so much to discover, shes a world uncharted and u"own" the rights to discover this world. so stop thinking about others, and discover the beautiful creature u married. good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Your fantasies are not an issue as long as they stay where they belong... IN YOUR HEAD.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Thats a really tough question to post here. And its not one that'll be easy to answer. Start by asking yourself why you married her? Why your mind wanders, and if you still love her! I can understand your fantasy's, but perhaps most would agree they would be in addition to your marriage. Sounds like you might need to ask these questions of yourself and then talk to your wife. Obviously dont tell her the fantasy, but ask her how she feels about sex, loving you etc. That should help focus your mind back on her. If the relationship is still strong, there's no reason why you can't get back on track. Hell, take her on a nice holiday. Life's too short. Then reassess, or repost.
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A
female
reader, Plexi +, writes (5 March 2009):
 sounds like you are fantasizing about these different women during sex with your wife because you possibly crave variety and perhaps the thought of having sex with someone you shouldn't makes you feel like you are being bad......therefore excites you. you and your wife need to change the routine and bring some variety in your sex life with out bringing in other people. try new things in bed, go on vacations(or even go to a hotel in your city)mix it up babe:)
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