A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why is my ex-boyfriend of three years contacting my brother asking about me? He dumped me nine months ago. To say it was an ugly break-up is an understatement. He left me in a callous manner(at a destination wedding for my best friend). I was so embarrassed and shattered. He owed me money (a few thousand dollars) and refused to pay me any of it. Our correspondences turned ugly and we both decided to have no contact. At the four month mark after the break-up, he initiated contact with me saying he'd like to hang out again. He said he didn't want to make any promises or commitments, but that he wanted to "be good to each other." I read this as a booty call and told him off. Again, the correspondence turned ugly.I'm trying to move on with my life, but just a week ago he sent my brother an email saying he was worried about my mental health. I read this as a cruel and evil ploy to get a rise out of me.Can someone explain why he is doing this. I just don't get it. What is his problem?
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (24 July 2011):
 I really respect you for just wanting him gone. That's really big of you to just say screw it. It's like when people who are divorced keep dragging each other through lawsuits to make the other miserable. All they're succeeding in doing is making themselves miserable.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answers and opinions! I really appreciate that you took the time to answer my question.
I am very well aware that I can go to small claims court, but I have no intention of doing that. Going to court means having to see him again. I want this a$$ out of my life and I would gladly sacrifice a few thousand dollars if it means never having to see him again.
I just wanted to get into his head and understand his intentions. No one other than he can really know what's going on in his head, but your responses helped. Quite simply: his a jerk!
It's great to hear that from objective third parties!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Since you are in the US, how about taking him to small claims court to recoup the $ he owes you? Im sure that would show him you are QUITE sane.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (15 July 2011):
hes just being an a**hole, dont think about maintaining any form of contact with him. he sounds like a total loser and your well rid.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Do you have any proof of his owing you money? If so take it to small claims court. Get your money back if you can, so at least that doesn't have to make you feel horrible each time you remember. I had an ex do the same shitty thing to me, I lent him money and he refused to pay back after the breakup. It was significantly less than what your ex owes you, but still a decent amount of money.
His problem is that he is a jerk. Funny enough my ex also wrote me saying he was concerned about my mental health and that I should get myself checked in. Of course, nothing of real concern, it was him being spiteful and wanting to hurt you.
I also realized that if THAT was all he could bring to the table then he was a sure loser. There were so many things I could have told him in return that I know would have ripped his heart out, things that were cruel, simply because they were true. But I was a better person and didn't tell him these things.
False accusations that you know has nothing to do with reality don't really hurt. And you know that when he's got to make up stuff about you he really doesn't have much or anything on you at all.
He's a loser, thats why he does what he does.
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (15 July 2011):
this sounds like he,s not over the break up yet and he,s doing all he can to keep having contact with you i would block him off everything like facebook or whatever else you have and change your number
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Well, I hope one of the lessons you take out of this is to NEVER under any circumstances lend money to a boyfriend. Money and loans will take a really good relationship and flush it down the toilet. Leave money out of it, and if you ever feel like loaning money to a boyfriend, make it a gift.
That being said, he owes you. Collect and gather together all tangible proof of the loans and money he owes you (bank statements, written IOU's, receipts, etc) and take him to court to get it back. He will not voluntarily pay you back. If you feel that you would rather just have him disappear from your life, then forget about the money and vow never to loan another guy money.
As far as his stupid crap with your brother, ignore him. You have broken up with him. He means nothing to you. His worrying about your mental health means nothing. His email is a reflection on him, and I hope your brother has the good sense to let him eat static.
Another thing. If he is on your Facebook, LinkedIn, or any other website, block him, de-friend him, and if you have any family or friends who are still friends with him, tell them you don't want to hear about him. Don't let him use your brother as a way to get to you, and if you and your B have a good relationship, tell him that your ex is using him as a weapon and put a stop to it.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (15 July 2011):
His problem is, he can't get over it, and he has a very poor way of coping. His response is to attempt to make you think of him, and to make you as miserable as he is.
Ignore him! Don't respond to a single contact attempt. Tell your family to do so as well! Don't let it get an emotional response of any kind. If you do that, he wins and gets what he wants. Don't dwell on it. Make him the bug on the grill of your car instead of the monkey on your back. It will get better sooner than you think, and your brain will adjust easier than you think it will to TRULY ignoring him.
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