A
female
age
36-40,
*_maldita
writes:I'm jealous of this girl and just by hearing her name makes me sick the entire day...I don't have proof that my boyfriend is cheating on me with this girl but I can't stop thinking about it.He always tells me nothing between them but I can't find it in my heart to believe what he is telling me.Do you think that my instinct is telling me the right thing that I should not believe him or should I believe him since he is not showing any signs of cheating???I think it's all in my mind...How can I stop being jealous and thinking worse things to happen???
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female
reader, sweetiebabes +, writes (15 July 2011):
 HelloI don't want to give you advice that would make you feel more confused but I would like to give you some helpful way to have some emotional control.Jealousy is normal, to some it is a way to know one really cares but when it becomes a never-ending jealousy because of doubts and insecurities then this will lead to disaster.Don't waste your time with this woman you hate. The more she sees or feels you are affected, she will have a BIG SMILE on her face. And would you like that? And why would you allow your thoughts about her affect your behavior? Why would you allow yourself to be intimidated by her? Why would allow doubts to destroy your good relationship with your BF?Instead of dealing with that girl on how you can make her stop communicating with your bf, why not work out your relationship with your bf to become more solid? Continuous doubts and jealousy will make him run away from you and the more he will get close to that woman as his fall back. Would you like that? Of course not, right?How to have an emotional control? You need to be aware always of what you have in your mind. You need to be aware of the images your mind produces, be aware of those representations in your mind. For example, you always have in mind that that lady is sending text messages to your BF. What will happen next, your brain will automatically feed more images and you will feel more depressed or angry or upset. All of these because you allow your thoughts to affect you and send negative messages.You cannot change the woman who kept sending messages to your boyfriend but if you will change yourself and deal with your bf on how you are going to make your relationship flourish with no doubts, no insecurities but with understanding and with open communication and trust. Then, this woman will see her failures. Isn't that great to feel rather than make yourself upset of what is happening. As the saying goes, 20% is what is happening to you and 80% is your reaction to a situation. So, why waste time and effort thinking about this woman? instead think, act and work on how you can have a good relationship with your boyfriend. As i have said earlier, communication and understanding play a very important role as well in a relationship. So my advice would be, if you want to have a successful relationship, deal with what you and your bf want, talk and have an open communication, and everything will fall into place.
A
female
reader, a_maldita +, writes (15 July 2011):
a_maldita is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'm not sure about his feelings for her.
But he never talks to me about her neither mention her name in front of me because he is aware that I'm not comfortable and we might end up arguing again.
Everytime I'm gonna start asking him about his friend he says don't try to start it with me so I would stop then.
I can really feel that this girl loves my bf although she is also in a very long time relationship.
And whats funny is that her bf feels the same way that I do.
I tried talking to him as well and he said that he noticed it few years back.
So it add up again to my worries that they might be doing something behind our back.
My bf does not show any signs and he is doing his best make me feel better.
He tries to tell me everything so I wont have any doubts but with this girl I just can't stop hating her...
She wants to up our good relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 July 2011):
 Your gut instinct might be correct. But are there any real reasons for why you feel this way, or did it come out of nowhere?
If you have real reasons, like suspicious behaviour, or little signs here and there, it might be you are on to something. Maybe he isn't physically cheating, but emotionally cheating (meaning he has a deeper than friendly relationship with her on an emotional level). Emotional cheating can be just as painful, or worse, than physical cheating where it is just sex and no feelings. Emotional cheating means he's giving her his love and attention, while putting you second, without doing anything physical with the other woman.
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