A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there guys! I just want to share my thoughts as I can't share this to any of my close friends, specially my boyfriend. Sharing this means I would remain just an anonymous poster. I just want to know what you guys think about this. I don't know why, but I am missing my first love even more. It's been like 7 years since we went separate ways but I think I'm kinda missing him. I've been having dreams of him ever since but right now it's been very frequent and feelings of wanting to catch up and make friends with him creeps up almost every time.Maybe if given a chance, I'd like our paths to cross, ask him out to dinner and talk about our past and find out where we went wrong. I won't ask him to come back into my life and finally be my man forever. That would be impossible because I have a baby now with my boyfriend. We've been living together for about a year now since I got pregnant. Also, he's got a new girl in his life right now and he's miles away from this side of the world.I guess I just want to finally say goodbye to him. Say that he's been the only guy who ever made me feel loved and special my entire life. And though we've been apart for so long and we didn't end up with each other, he still has a special place in my heart. I also want to say sorry for all the wrong things I did to him, for leaving and hurting him, etc. It hurt me too you know. He did something that made me decide to leave him forever. I don't remember anymore if I did told him the reason though. He's been my childhood sweetheart and most of my childhood love life revolved around him. I could even remember our moments together than my first boyfriend! LOL! Well, truth is, me and my first love never really been together as in officially together. So many things happened that kept us from being officially boyfriend and girlfriend but the feelings were there you know. Just thinking about those days always gives me a smile on my face. Back then, I really hoped he'd be the one for me, be my husband, have kids with him, etc. I told him before that, if we're really meant for each other, our paths will cross no matter what and we'll be together forever then. But I guess, our paths will never cross again. Not that I don't love my baby, don't get me wrong, he's the most wonderful gift I ever received from God! He's an angel! Also, I loved my boyfriend, or so I thought. Well, I would have never given myself to him if I wasn't in love with him. But you know circumstances have changed, he changed, I changed and then there's chaos!Now, I just want to have a proper closure between my first love and I. I just want to know how he feels about everything. About me having a baby with another guy, if he really loves his girlfriend, if he's happy with his life right now, does he miss me too or if he has still feelings for me or not. Does he still find me special the way I do or he just completely forgotten everything about me. I don't know if he would ever read this message but I just want him to know that I really really want to make friends with him again. I want to say sorry and then get on with our lives just friends. Life is really funny don't you think?Here's to my first love: You know what, it's always been you. But you never did fight for your feelings for me. You just did as I tell and never ever questioned why I have to do or say that. I just want you to find me and win me back but you didn't. Hey I'm the girl! Do you expect me running towards you and tell you that I still love you and take me back again?! You let me go because I told you so. The only difference between you and my current is that he doesn't believe me when I say I don't want him anymore, I want to leave him, I want him to get out of my life. You left because I told you to and you never fought for what you felt. Oh well, my mistake too because I told you to get out of my life.Well, that's just about it. Hope you take care. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi didda123,
Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it! Well, so far he doesn't exist on the internet. No friendster, no facebook, no myspace. I just couldn't find him. Well, like I said, if we were meant for each other, our paths will cross and we will be together. Seems like it's really never gonna happen so it's okay. I just wanted to air my feelings because I can't tell this to anyone. Maybe you're right, things are not going well with my current that's why I may be seeking his comfort and I do miss him so much. Years have passed and we both didn't do anything to revive out relationship. We're both different people now so probably it's no use making up for the lost time. Also, I have a baby to take care of and a boyfriend to give my love to. It's just sometimes, I feel like I want to take my baby with me and get away from him. Oh well, this is life... The things we do, the decisions we take, affects everyone so badly. I know I just can't be selfish to take things my way since I have a new life depending on me. Thanks for your advice dear. Have a blessed life! Take care! For my first love, he still has a place in my heart. Funny, corny and a bit embarrassing but it's true.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi didda123,
Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it! Well, so far he doesn't exist on the internet. No friendster, no facebook, no myspace. I just couldn't find him. Well, like I said, if we were meant for each other, our paths will cross and we will be together. Seems like it's really never gonna happen so it's okay. I just wanted to air my feelings because I can't tell this to anyone. Maybe you're right, things are not going well with my current that's why I may be seeking his comfort and I do miss him so much. Years have passed and we both didn't do anything to revive out relationship. We're both different people now so probably it's no use making up for the lost time. Also, I have a baby to take care of and a boyfriend to give my love to. It's just sometimes, I feel like I want to take my baby with me and get away from him. Oh well, this is life... The things we do, the decisions we take, affects everyone so badly. I know I just can't be selfish to take things my way since I have a new life depending on me. Thanks for your advice dear. Have a blessed life! Take care! For my first love, he still has a place in my heart. Funny, corny and a bit embarrassing but it's true.
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A
female
reader, didda123  +, writes (26 January 2009):
 One question - can you remember the reason why you told him you didn't want to continue with the relationship? I think you have forgotten this over the years you actually ended the relationship so it was not as perfect as you are remembering now, he hurt you in some way enough for you to feel the need to end the relationship. Somehow we always remember the good times the bad ones fade into the distance. You are tourturing yourself thinking what might have been but if he had felt the same he would never have let you go!
Your first love will always have a special place in your heart but it was seven years ago and you will both have changed you were just young teenagers then, you have both matured and moved on with your lives.
You are feeling this way because things are not quite right with you and your boyfriend this is what needs addressing you need to rekindle some romance into your lives again, you have a young baby i know it is not easy to snatch some precious time alone together.
See if you can arrange a babysitter at least once a week and go out with your boyfriend somewhere and enjoy yourselves together, you are getting yourself into a rut you have nothing new to talk about and things hae become mundane.
This first love is living in another part of the world he will have a job there and you have already said he is settled with a new girlfriend, it is unrealistic to envisage a relationship starting up. I know you have only said you want a friendship but be honest with yourself! If he was feeling the same he would have been back in touch long before now.
If he is registered on any sites such as 'friends reunited' 'face book' etc you could drop him a friendly line but keep it as just that that would be my advice.
Good luck x
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