A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. I married last year in response to an ultimatum-move to the next level or break up. I knew at the time that fear should not have been a part of my decision, but I was not ready to let go-even in spite of the many emotionally abusive situations that had occurred over the previous 3 years of dating. One year later,I am feel taken advantage of financially and emotionally, my husband refuses to share any money or accounts, I work 2 jobs to pay for debts we incurred becasue of his desires,I feel neglected (he spends lots of time w/friends even though he's 36),I feel angry, depressed and hopeless. I recently began counseling and learned that some of my behaviors are as a result of being codependant and some of his are due to narcissistic or possibly sociopathic tendencies. I am terribly unhappy and dont trust my husband has my best interests at heart. He says he has been trying for the last couple months, but im not sure to trust him or even whether to trust my own instincts. Is there any hope or should I just get out while i can before there are any children involved and years go by and I am a miserable shriveled bitter woman who regrets she wasted her life? I feel "stuck", yet am having trouble moving on due to thinking maybe its me/hes changed and again-fear. Thank you so very much for any insights or opinions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Hi Love,Im going to say it straight get out and get your life back,Dont sit around waiting for change as that is not going to come from your husband hunny only you.Its not nice when a marriage falls apart but by the sounds of things it wasnt entirely great before, Ive been in a simular situation I have a daughter so move on with your life now hunny rather than later. PLEASE TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): I married 14 years ago but I am 35 and feel similar to you in that I was emotionally forced into the situation - there was a lot of family pressure. I have lived with the abuse (mainly emotional) and still do but I have a plan to get out and I am working on it. I feel for you as it is so hard to keep pushing yourself along when all around you is so desperately hard and your confidence is knocked back time and time again. Keep looking forward - you cannot go backwards now and you are already making the move by talking it through on this site. Plan things carefully - finances, support, a new direction and when you have all the confidence you can muster it will feel the right time to go. You will get a momentum - but do not drift like I have. We have one thing in common - no children to drag into this so. I wish you luck and love for the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Coming from a family with an abusive father, I suggest you leave. my mother left my father and it was the best decision she ever made. Also, you can't blame yourself for anything that is wrong in the relationship. You have tried to do what you can (I assume) and that is all you can do. Many times people in abusice relationships assume that it is somehow their fault that these things are happening to them, but it's not. Leave him.
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A
female
reader, Seratuki  +, writes (29 October 2007):
 Hi
I really think you need to get out of this now, as you said, before children are involved..because you wouldn't want your child to think that treating someone like that is okay...
I know it's scary to be alone and having to make ends meet by yourself, but honestly you owe yourself more, and it seems to me that your husband doesn't see you as an equal partner...thats a dangerous mindset for him to be in...
Please be strong and take a stand for yourself and your independance...you only live once...
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