A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year now. And we dated years ago in jr. high too.ne way.We havent ever had sex yet, i mean we have done other stuff like kiss and hes fingered me and i've given him a hand job.but now he wants to have sex and i want to too.but i'm kinda scared. I had sex with another guy and he knows about that and brings it up when i tell him i dont want to have sex.And i regret having sex with that person and i mean i know i wont regret it with my bf bc i love himbut i mean im still unsureplease help in any way u canthanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): i thibk that you should just talk to your bf and if he really loves you and cares for you and also respects your feelings then he will understand you.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (29 October 2007):
 You are still very young at 16-17. When you had sex with this other person you were younger again and it sounds like it wasn't a very pleasant experience for you. I feel you're frightened to have sex with your boyfriend in case you feel the same way and things deteriorate from there.
First of all you need to make sure you trust him and feel safe with him. Make sure you are using contraception too but it should be something that should happen naturally. Let him know how you feel and why you feel the way you do. He must like (even love) you and respect you very much to have gone out with you for a year and still not had sex so he's patient. TALK to him, let him know your concerns.
The very fact you're apprehensive to have sex with him tells me you're not ready yet. Let him know how you feel about him, tell him you're a bit scared and tell him about the other experience, how it made you feel and what you thought about it. If he truly cares about you (and I think he does) then he'll listen to your concerns and be patient with you.
Eve
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (29 October 2007):
I generally have greater level of respect for girls(ladies) who'll think it through before allowing any man to gain pleasure from their bodies.I actually salute you for not having full intercourse all this while.The only basis i believe you should allow a guy into your pants is because you love him and you have no doubt that he loves you.I guess at your age that's like solving a quadratic equation.So step back and ask yourself what you really want.Will you be giving it to any guy that comes along in your life and asks for it?Are you sure this guy won't leave you after he's slept with you?And believe me the fact that you are scared means you won't enjoy it as much.My personal advise is to wait and tell yo guy to be patient coz you are not ready.If he truly loves you,he'll wait.Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 October 2007):
 You mention you regret having sex with the other person. How much do you regret it? How much guilt are you carrying for it? You love this new guy, but when you feel guilt from past events, sometimes that guilt prevents us from taking action with what we want. I'd work through these thoughts of guilt and come to terms with the fact that all though it did happen, you need to not let it affect the relationship you have now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Do u love him?do you trust him? If so then whats holding u back? If u trust him enough to finger u and u arent a virgin then whats the big deal?But i will say tht if u dont love or trust him then dont go there because u will definitely regret it in the long rungood luck babe xx
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