A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi im 7 months pregnant with identical twins and have a 2 year old boy aswell i have just found out tht my husbund is cheating on me. And as been doing so for around 9 months. Im heart broken and i cant look at him or touch him he makes me feel sick and i dont want him touching my son. He threatens to bash down the door and scares me. He says she was just sex and that it was going to end. This pregnancy has been very hard due to me carry to and them not getting asmuch food etc my blood pressure is so high and im so scared upset and worried. plz plz i need some advice. I dont feel like i have any1 to talk to. Soon my two beautiful little girls are going to come and im not ready there going to be born in a war zone. I dont feel like i can do it anymore im so torn. I really need some help. The woman he slept with calls me telling me she loves him and he loves her. And saying she and him will be there for the babies and we should all try and get along for the babies sake I CANT! how dare she how dare he! If he wants her then he can go but is it out of order to say he cant see the babies if he is with her she cant see them. I HATE THEM FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. WHAT CAN I DO ????? plz help PS he tells me he loves me and always has thsi cant be true can it? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jade leanna  +, writes (26 May 2009):
well, I am 7 months as well and all I can tell you is to do what feel's right me and my husband are haveing a hard he as been cheating on me witha girl that is a little younger than me and it started last year maybe around may i had a miscarrige I caught him the first time and gave him a chance, then around christams found out he was talking to her on the computer and other ways. and then just 5 days ago look in hes email and their she was again telling him how much she loves him and all that stuff and whats crazy is she know's about, knows that I carrieing his first son, but it seems like he does not care
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): Hi, times are tough right now arnt they hunny? My first suggestion, if it is an option, is to be open with family members about the situation and either ask if someone would come and stay with you for a while to support you or see if you would be welcome to stay with them. I think this will allow your son to be entertained by others for a little while so that he will be taken off your hands a little and there is one less worry on your mind because you know he is getting the attention that he needs....and not from a worried, anxious, frightened mom.
Secondly I would make sure you stand your ground with regards to your partner. If you want him back, place boundaries if you dont then discard your relationship but either way get this woman to stop calling you either via a message through him or with some sort of call ban or injunction.
Thirdly, although men like yours infuriate me, you have to give them a chance to play father to your children, they will see him for what he is when they get older and you will need to be there when that upset occurs.
Under your circumstances however I think you have the absolute right to be left alone for at least a few weeks once the babies are born to nurture your bond and get over the whole event, only then can you allow him to start visiting and again you must outline the boundaries of these visits (one of which being that the other woman is far from welcome)such as how long they can last, and when you say leave mean it. You are also well within your rights not to allow him to take the children to her residence or infact even out of your home if you do not want him to....if he is serious about having them, suggest that he goes to court to gain legal access.
Finally, I am very sorry that you have found yourself in such a position at what is a hard enough time already. I urge that you actively seek any help available as you will be exhausted with your little boy and the twins if you dont allow someone to relieve the pressures. I wish you the best of luck with your labour and your future with your children x If you need any support, Im available to chat x
...............................
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (30 April 2008):
 First, you have to stop this woman calling you. That's the last thing you want, to have her on the phone. Tell her not to call, and if she persists then see a solicitor and get an injunction - it's straightforward and doesn't cost a lot (maybe free if the circumstances are right - get a "fixed fee interview" to get the basics sorted out and some proper legal advice).
Second, you need to work out whether you can, and want to, re-establish your relationship with your husband. You said you can't look at him or touch him and he makes you feel sick and I can understand that, but it may be a reaction that will subside in time. Right now I'm sure you feel anger and betrayal, and you have every right to feel that.
The relationship you once had with your husband can probably be rebuilt if you want to rebuild it. Undoubtedly it will be best for your children if you can and if he can, but there is absolutely no point in having him around if all you do is shout at each other and/or if he isn't treating you properly or if he is playing about with other women. That's not going to be any good for you or for your children, and not for him either. It may well be true that this other woman was "just for sex", which doesn't excuse it, but it does mean that there are options for you and him to get it together again if you are both absolutely determined to do it. If he says he loves you and has always loved you then that may be quite true, confusing as that may seem to you. IF the only answer is for him to stay away right now, then that's what has to happen, and again you may need rapid legal advice to sort it out if he won't take notice of what you tell him, but I do strongly suggest that you do your utmost to have a calm discussion with him without either of you losing your temper. You cannot leave this; your children's wellbeing must come first.
Most important for you right now is to handle the hatred you feel because that's not getting you anywhere and not doing you any good at 7 months pregnant. Get to the doctor and explain as much as this as you can to him. Ask for advice on how best to handle it. Obviously he (or she) can't tell you how to sort out your relationship with your husband, but a good doctor will help you with handling stress in these circumstances, and that's very important for your health and the health of your children.
Whatever else you do, try not to dwell on the hate you feel right now. I know it's difficult to avoid it, but it's not helping you. It's happened. He has been unfaithful in a most despicable way. Hating him and her doesn't get you anywhere and clouds your judgement when you so desperately need to be thinking as clearly as possible. Concentrate on what will be best for you and for your children, and then go for it as calmly and rationally as you possibly can.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Hi
Jeez what a mess. And what a nightmare for you. She is being totally out of order contacting you. It sounds like she is hoping the more trouble she stirs up, the more chance she has of him going to her because you will reject him. Nasty piece of work!
At the moment it is too soon to believe what he's saying. He now needs to prove it.
You have 2 beautiful identical babies on the way, that is so lovely, i always wnated twins! And identical ones? Thats amazing! And i am amazed a guy would jepordise that????? Its crazy. He is so going to regret all this at some point. But i do think he needs to prove he isn't going to see her, and really work at you two sorting it out. For all your sakes.
Dont take much notice of what she says about you all getting along, the cheeky cow! I too wouldn't have her having anything to do with my kids, if they do stay together. Your husband will have to see them when she isn't around. Thats your right.
Let us know what is happening.
C xxxxx
...............................
|
