A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my partner are about to have our first child, although he's very manly ie:- sports, beer, sex, the usual, I've seen a few times now that he has been on gay porn for straight guys and shemales websites.It makes me feel sick but I don't want to confront him and embarrass us both. He has a few gay friends and has been to many gay clubs (before he met me).Ive joked about asking him if he's gay as he's very feminine and he says don't be stupid!!I'm so confused I don't want to waste my life if he is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): I watch gay porn as well,obviously he's Bisexual or just curious,he likes both.He has most likely been with a man but the only real way to find out is to ask him.Being a Bi man means you can choose to be with a man or woman, clearly he chose to be with you and he's kept the habit of watching gay porn.And if you do confront him on the porn just asure him that your not mad or angery at him before you start,then he wont be so much on the effencive.Also if he is gay definetly a question on witch he can only answer.Me personly I want the whole family setting for my self in about 6 or 7 years two rugrats running around and I will give my self to that woman,maybe its the same with your partner.But he may just be a porn adict and cant kick the habit but I'm not a mind reader,and thats why you have to ask him these??????s your self, or show him what I wrote if you cant find the words to say.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): Ive got loads of straight mates that go to gay bars
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): Thanks everyone,I dunno I just don't want to find out ten years down the line that he Is.
It's just scary as obviously I can't compete with a bloke,I wouldn't even dump him If he admitted It(unless he'd been behind my back)I just don't like the denial.
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A
male
reader, Ted-ster  +, writes (25 February 2009):
He's bi. Straight guys don't go to gay bars. But he's with you. He appears ok with gay friends and bars, so if he wanted to go down that road, he probably would, but he chose you. Try to get him to gently open up about his sexuality, which clearly weighs in the women side. Guys are guys; looking at these sites does (necessarily) make you gay, but added with a few more clues about bars and gay friends, tips it for me to thinking he's bi. Talk to him more beyond the you're crazy. Don;t be judgmental, but allow him to speak honestly. Maybe after a beer or two:)
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (25 February 2009):
 I think you are VERY confused...one minute you say he's very manly, the next you say he's very feminie....which is it?
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (25 February 2009):
 I don't think he's gay. Well, it depends what you mean by 'gay'. Gay - full-on gay - pretty much means that he only wants to have sex with men, and have a male life-partner, and doesn't want or enjoy sex with women or being in a relationship with a woman.
Your guy isn't in that situation. He's happy to have sex with you; he is (presumably) happy in his relationship with you (does he seem unhappy?) and looking forward to having a child (who wouldn't, gay or not?). The only thing that makes him 'gay' is that he looks - sometimes - or has looked - at gay porn for straight (note, 'straight') guys. I think he's just curious, and is possibly turned on by anal sex (like, as far as I can see, 99% of the male population). He might be a bit bi-sexual, but even if he is, that seems to be a purely latent thing and he has neither any plan of acting on it, nor is he mistreating you or being horrible or rejecting you because (subconsciously) he doesn't want to be with a woman. Does he treat you well? Does he respect and love you? Does he seem to want to hang out with you? Does he seem to feel happy and lucky to be with you? If you can answer yes or nearly yes to pretty much most of those, then I don't think you have a thing to worry about.
I have recently noted on the net that the porn that most women like is actually gay porn!! Because the guys are much sexier than those monsters in straight porn, and there are no women there to make us feel insecure about our naked selves!!!!! Maybe you should look at some gay porn, and then 'confess' to him that you have peeked ... and see what he says about it. Or just tell him my facts above about women liking gay porn, and see what he says ... then ask if straight men like it. : )
Honestly, i really really really don't think you should worry. If he was evil to you, didn't want to have sex and only treated men like real people and women like dirt, then I would worry. And if he refused to watch 'Brokeback Mountain' then I would REALLY worry!! ; )
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 February 2009):
 I think it's more of a curiosity thing then gay thing. If I recall right a survey showed that 70% of men who look at she males are in fact straight. I think it's a fascination thing. A lot of men are curious as to things as anal sex and the more gender bender stuff. Most men of course repress it cause it's not manly..
I would talk to him about it. But don't start it out as a joke or call him gay. Ask him what the fascinations about those websites are. You might learn something about him you didn't before.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (25 February 2009):
 A lot of guys are typically curious. However, I know what it is like to be pregnant and doubtful of my partner. This issue needs to be confronted, in a calm, gental way. Tell him you would pass no judgement if he was, and it would mean a lot to you if you had some answers to your questions on a serious level. If he does the whole "don't be stupid" thing, explain to him that you have reason to suspect he may prefer males to females, and to you it isnt stupid. You need answers or your life with him will be without trust, which, we all know how relationships without trust end up. Good luck, and congrads on a new baby.
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