A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 29 and for as long as I can remember, I've been very unhappy because I hate my name. I don't even identify with it. I feel like I was supposed to be named something else.I want to legally change it, but I don't want to hurt my family. I hate the name so much it's making me crazy. I don't know what to do in this dilemna.I'm not married but if I were to marry, taking my husband's last name isn't an option because I don't like that tradition. It would make me feel like my husband's property.The thing is, I love Latin culture. I hate having an "All-American" name because I feel like an outsider. No offense to anyone... I just want to be part of that world. It also annoys the crap out of me that I have an extremely generic full name. I've always wanted a name of my own.I'm so sick of living with a name I hate. How can I deal with this dilemna? I don't want to hurt my family but I'm sick of being miserable. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): you could marry someone and double barrel it - be careful might not work. or like you say, change your name be depole (not sure of US term) to the equivalent Latin word...e.g. if white become Bianco... or a clever way of spelling...katie becomes katii etc.
i am not sure what is a normal American name? most of them i have seen have wonderful crosscultural mismatches compared to us humble Brits.
of course you could think yourself luckier than some...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7909561.stm
Hugs Star.x.
A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (25 February 2009):
 So are you upset with your first name or your entire name? I know you said "full name", but it still is a little unclear.
Have you talked to your family about why they gave you the name they did? It might open your eyes to naming traditions. I used to hate my middle name until I found out it was a family name passed down through about 5 generations. Now I am very proud of it.
While I understand the desire to not take your husbands name, if it is a name you really like, it would save you all the trouble of changing your name to something entirely different. It is quite a bit archaic and sexist that it is so easy for a woman to change from her maiden name to her married one, but that she has to petition the courts to change her name on her own, or that a man has to petition to take his wifes name if he chooses.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): Names are really important. I would suggest you sit down and talk this over with your family if it's bugging you this much.
You can change it easily, but it will be strange for the people around you, and they will take time to start calling you a new name. They will of course feel betrayed, but if you explain to them your reasons, and tell them that nothing in the world can change where you come from, they might gradually get used to the idea.
Also, what about changing your name subtly? Like keeping part of it, or changing the meaning of your name as it is now into another language etc.? Maybe change the spelling? That way you keep the best of both worlds.
A word of caution though, changing your name again after changing it once is bad and makes you seem flighty. Try not to think of your name as unfashionable or out of date, or you will soon grow bored of the new one too. Although it doesn't sound like you are that type of person.
Just to mention it, one of the most amazingly eccentric and unique people I ever knew was named Sarah Smith. The fact that she had such an ordinary name was kind of cool ,and she wore it well!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, 23ConfusedOne23 +, writes (25 February 2009):
 Bring it up to your family as if you were joking and see their reactions. You never know they might not give you any problems. In reality it's your name, your life and your happiness so if you are not happy just do what your heart tells you. Also if you want then trace back your family tree and see what they have done in the past, maybe something can make you proud of your family and their name and keep you from changing it.
Hope i helped a little :)
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (25 February 2009):
 There are only two choices here:
1, Tell your family and change your name
2, Live with it, and keep them happy
But if you got married you wouldn't change your name? Even though your own name makes you miserable, I really think you need to think about this. Taking your husbands name is not about becoming his property but creating a new family unit.
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