A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am a military member currently deployed somewhere in the desert, I am single so I was told before coming out here to be careful because everyone cheats on their spouse out here and that it is just apart of the culture for people to reinvent themselves and be whoever they want to be. I met a tall, dark and sexy contractor with the whitest teeth I have ever seen my first week here. He and I began dating which eventually turned into a relationship. I asked all the right questions, such as:1.Are you married?2. Do you have a GF back home?3. Does anyone think they are your GF?He said no to all the questions, and told me he had one son from a high school relationship. We progressed and became serious making vacations plans for out homecoming this fall. He was having a medical issue that would cause him to have to leave for 30-45 days for a minor surgery, we promised that we would wait on one another after being together only 4 months we seemed pretty serious. So after I sent him back to the US with a pair of my panties and a perfumed letter, I had'nt heard from him in a few days and wanted to make sure he was okay. I sent him a message on a social networking site and got a reply that said call me as soon as you can with a number. I called the next morning and there was a woman on the other end, when I asked to speak with him, she began asking me question like where I knew him from, my first instinct was to hang up but I was just ask curious as she was, I told her I knew him from the desert and she asked me if he told me that he had a wife, my second instinct was to lie to protect him (why I dont know)so I said no it isnt like that, she began reading the message I wrote him on the social networking site about how I couldnt function out here without him, and she says so then what is it like? So I told her everything, every question she asked me I answered honestly. She asked me if he and I were having sex, yes. Are we using protection? Not anymore, I am on birth control and we both have been tested. She asked me if I was taking anti-malaria pills, yes I am, she reminded me that those are antibiotics...Oh,crap...She asked me if I think I am pregnant,I said absolutely not. She then informed me that they have been married 7 years, she just got out the service as well, he has 3 not 1 child and she is 7 months pregnant with the next one. My world was spinning upside down, I physically became sick when she told me this. How can someone keep up a lie for so long? Why did he do this to me? I havent spoken to him since, I would love to just put this all behind me and bury the feelings I have for him deep in the ground... however I am late. Three days late and definently scared. I am going to take a test in the morning, but what I want to know is if I am pregnant what do I do? Do I tell him? This is would definently be a career ender for me. I feel so dumb.
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female
reader, RCK  +, writes (26 April 2010):
The rumours are a nasty form of bullying. You could be the niscest person on earth and still someone will find something to gossip about you. Don't take it to heart your stressed and feeling really low at this time due to hearing the truth about a man you loved and the fear of being pregnant. Start making goals about which direction you want to head if you are pregnant. Do you want to stay in the military? If so you will need to 1. Adopt out the child or give it to a trusted family member or 2. Terminate. Let the father know about the baby it's his responsibility too. He lied you didn't.....Do you want to leave the military to keep the baby? 1. Get the support you need and 2. look for another job that will fit around you as a mother. If you ain't pregnant then take this as a lesson and learn from it. Stay strong and don't listen to those nasty rumours just tell them straight you so NOT have STD and it was a just a medical check up and they should have one too....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice, I am NOT pregnant and I havent spoke ot him since, Hopefully this unpleasantness remains in my rearview mirror.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSecond anonymous reponse,
If he dug into my past/life he would have saw that everything I told him down to the last detail was true. Unfortunately they are out of Pregnancy test at the store out here, so I went to the doc and asked for a blood pregnancy test and now there is a rumor going on around this small camp I live in that I have an STD...Which of course is totally false. Why cant anyone just mind their own business and stop speculating details about my life. I am not promiscuous, I dont hang around a bunch of guys to even give anyone that impression, I keep my mouth closed and I am polite to everyone. Why would anyone start such a vicious horrible rumor about me?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): =( I know this doesn't matter to you but I had a boyfriend in the army. I loved him so much.... We had plans for our future and he just suddenly stopped returning my calls, answering my messages. I waited months for him to only accidentily find out meantime he got married and is having a baby.
After months of crying several times A DAY- as much as it hurt to find this out, it was a slap in the face that made me get over loosing him much faster.
I still hurt over him every now and then when i let myself think about it. I wish i had more answers as to why! We had plans... I was ready to put my life on hold for him, wait for him. And he couoldn't wait for me? I don't know.
But I do know what you are somewhat going through., As do many women I am sure.
I wish I could provide you will advice to help you through it. =/ Good luck!
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 I'm sorry this man has led you on like this. unfortunately as you were warned, it is a hive for people leading double lives.
it is good that you found out sooner rather than later, at least that might have saved you some heartache.
I think the first step would be to try not to worry until you have taken the test. stress and upset can affect your cycle, so just wait until you know for sure.
if the test is positive, you need to decide what is right for you. You probably should tell this man, if only because it might teach him a lesson and scare him into behaving, although if his wife has any sense he is going to be single in the very near future anyway.
however this has to be your choice, if you want to keep the baby you have to recognise that it will cost you career, and being a single mum is very tough, and if you choose to undergo an abortion, you have to be sure it is the right choice for you.
no-one can give you a definitive answer on the "right" thing to do. it has to come from inside you.
Next time you meet a man, try not to fall so easily, and try to keep your reservations for longer.
this man is obviously a very good liar, and he will get what he deserves. for now, focus on yourself and try not to worry until you have taken the test and have some answers.
I wish you the best of luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): Thats not an uncommon story. If he dug into your life would he have found the same no questions are yes questions about you? Sounds like a lot of people is going to get hurt if your pregnancy is true. Thats is not worth loosing your career for a 7 year married man and sounds like he or she wont ever let him leave. Drama down the road. Hope that you are not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): Dont feel dumb. You asked the right questions and he flat out lied to you. It is him that is in the wrong here and not you.
Well, first of all decide if abortion is an option for you. If it is, you can continue your life as you are doing so at the moment (of course, there are the issues which come with abortion but otherwise you should be able to continue as you are.
If you decide on keeping the baby, then think about what else you can do in the army/navy etc. I don't much about how it all works but surely, you dont get sacked for having a kid? They can move you to another position or something? THat you have to look into. Either way, there are jobs out there for you.
Now, dump this lying, cheating scum of a man. OF course, if you keep the baby then he will have to pay for it, and if you want the kid to have a father you might have to let him see the child as well. However, its perhaps best if you don't continue a relationship with this man. He is not worth your (or his wife's) time and effort.
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