A
male
age
36-40,
*harlie84
writes:Well I guess I should say first that she, after yesterday, is now my ex-girlfriend. We had been dating since late February and moved in together in mid May. Our relationship has had it problems, more so than the typical relationship. She did cheat on me in early June but I stuck with her. She has put me through a lot and it has affected our relationship, but I stuck with her. I stuck with her because I love her. This isn't my first relationship and I've been in love before, but this one feels truer which is why I never left her side. It's been a rocky road but I do believe it could work out in the end.Come labor day weekend we decide to get a home pregnancy test because she is late on her period. It comes back positive to two tests. The next day we get her tested at the Dr's office and confirm the results. We do whats needed medically get the ultra sound/blood work etc etc and I'm by her side through all of that.I never expected this to happen and for me it's hard to come to grips with what is going to happen in my life now. I don't really think we're ready for this child but because of her religious and personal beliefs abortion is off the table, and I'm fine with that. I respect her decision and right to choose as I understood her stance on that when we first got together.Up until yesterday she has been saying that she wanted to marry me and thought the relationship could work. This has apparently now all changed as she is saying she wants to move out of state to Oregon and live with her Mom. She's got the belief in her head that its the only way for her to have this child right now. That since her Father here in California is not 100% supportive and I'm still coming to grips with it she feels alone. That nobody here supports her and the only place to get it is with her Mom. I've tried to be there 100% for her but she doesn't see it that way. I've offered to pay for her to have her own place, help with the bills and do anything/everything needed that I can. If she needs time away from this relationship that's fine but I need to be a part of this child's life and this pregnancy.She's insistent that even though she is moving 8 hours away I'll still be able to do everything the same as if she was here. I don't see it that way. My job doesn't afford me the luxury of taking days off whenever I please and the amount of money spent in gas driving up there all the time would amount to more than paying for her to live here.She tells me that by me pushing for her to stay here its only making her want to leave more. It doesn't make any sense to me. She says she is leaving because she doesn't feel the support from me or anybody else here but I want to do whatever it takes to keep her from leaving and be there in any way she may need me.What do I do? What do I say? Do I let her go? Do I fight to keep her here by showing her how much I do love her? (I've been seriously thinking about asking her to marry me. Not to just keep her here but because I DO love her and have wanted that for a long time.) What are my rights once the child is born since it could be across state lines? I know I have no rights as of now since she is pregnant though.Also I think it's valid to add that she's said she needs time to herself to get her life in order. That by her going up there it's not the end of us. That after the pregnancy and she's had time to herself we could possibly get back together depending on how things are at the time. I can't help but feel that if I let her go up there I've lost her for good. I know she'll always been in my life now, but that I'd lose any chance of ever having her back as my lover and not just the mother of my child.Sorry for being so long. My mind is racing and there are so many things I wanted to say as this barely scratches the surface. Any help is appreciated in advance. Thanks.
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male
reader, Charlie84 +, writes (1 October 2008):
Charlie84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the good words. I have always tried to do what I thought was right and care for others. I sometimes think I give too much and forgive for too much and people often ponder as to how I can put up with so much. Just like to say that everyone in her family does support me, understands my pain and doesn't want to see me left out to dry. I've also explained this situation to some old friends I'll be seeing Friday and they have only given me more strength in seeing the good person I thought I was. The way she treated me during this relationship and seemingly put everything on me has made me feel worthless. So now it's time to reclaim who I once was.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): Let me just say that you sound like such a lovely person! It really sounds like this girl has been selfish throughout your entire relationship. She doesn't consider you and you sound like a very caring man - you deserve so much more.But, as far as the pregnancy goes.. I guess all you can do is try and encourage her to stay and then you've done all you can do - you have to let her go back to her family and hope that in time, you can salvage the relationship you had.But I do think that right now, you should possibly see a Lawyer and explain the situation, get some advice on what your rights will be when this baby is born.. and also ensure you order the appropriate DNA testing.I wish you all the best of luck. I'm sorry I can't be of much help, but wanted to try since you sound like such a lovely, considerate person. Remember that!
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A
male
reader, Mike Wilson7  +, writes (30 September 2008):
u should say to her that its not just going to be her child but also urs. you should tell her how u feel. maybe u should move up there with her. ask her if shes moving up there so she has support from her family and ask her if thats the only reason.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): you need to contact an lawyer immediately! I not 100% sure, but I believe you can file a motion or injunction or something to stop her form leaving the state. As the presumptive soon to be father you do have rights! you can also request DNA test while she's pregnant if you have no other alternative! Also you might want to try talking to her again and try getting through to her and maybe you should consider contacting her mother and/or pastor!
And if those suggestions don't appeal to you then maybe you should consider moving out of state with her, is there any way you can be transfered!
Anyway I hope it works out for you, and i'm glad to see you so adamant about being in your child's life. you're doing the right thing!
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