A
female
age
30-35,
*ercy17
writes:Hi , im a pregnant teen and like most teen moms out there , i have many problems with my boyfriend. The main problem is , we dont know for sure if he's the father. I admit i cheated on him and i own up to what i did , but we both find it hard to talk about it. We find ways around it and all of it just weighs down our relationship. I need to know how to deal with it all.. all this stress is taking its toll , on both of us. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): i agree with accountable. q1605 i too think that is a very narrowminded response.all of them. whilst i do believe teens today need to do what we did and use birth control(i was 14 when i started for info)they dont need a bollocking. help would be nice.sweetie the best thing to do is take a dna test to be sure.and kudos to you for being honest about your mistakes.as for your baby,congratulations and good luck.
A
female
reader, califnan  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 Mercy 17.. Thank you for the update.. And I am so grateful that you are going forward in your life in a responsible and positive manner .. and to not let those who have used your question, as an excuse to spill out their self righteousness and anger .. It is easy for me to see, from some of the responses - why so many foolish pregnant women have been Made to deny themselves motherhood.. Thank God you have not fallen into that Trap.. Your baby will be a blessing of God, Mercy - as all babies are ..
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female
reader, mercy17 +, writes (14 September 2009):
mercy17 is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks to everyone who wrote back :) i really appriciate everyones opinion on my situation. And jus to let you know,we are going to get a paternity test a.s.a.p , its the best decision we've come to so far. ( no doubt the most obvious ) But i really needed this. The reason i signed up for this site is because i find this a hard subject to talk about ... & people i have told seem to sugar-coat it all. And many of you dont have very 'supporting' reply's but that's the world. i don't expect evryone to have sympathy, it's probably the last thing i deserve. But this helped me realize quite a few things, and i thank you's.
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reader, busy04 +, writes (14 September 2009):
 I agree HereToHelpx!
It makes no sense for the aunts & uncles to go back & forth with other, we all have our opinions and in that light: each one should be respected. It is only up to the poster of the question to determine whether or not they choose to listen to the advice of anyone that responds. The young lady admits to her mistakes & what's done is now done. She can't take it back at all & neither can we. The most we can & SHOULD do is just wish her well and hope that she moves forward and grows into wisdom learning from this situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): Another thread getting out of hand...
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 September 2009):
 There is FREE birth control for teenagers now, handed out practically on the street corners. In my day fear was our only source of birth control, true, there were always the dumb (or fearless for you gentle aunts) who allowed themselves to get knocked up. I really see no excuse for teenage pregnancy. Sure it's water under the bridge for this young lady but I truly feel q's frustration with the whole issue. And you can bet I resent my tax dollars paying for people's bad decisions.
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female
reader, Youngmummy  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 q1605 this girl came on here for help and at the end of the day she cannot turn back the time. i have been there, i am a teen mum of twins and i am 15. i think that the first thing you need to do is tell your mam. dont bother saying oh i will tomorrow, tell her as soon as u get this message, you cannot mess about. i understand u will be scared but face up to reality, this is not a dream. write back, private message me if u want, i have been there and can talk you through. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): First and foremost I think you need to focus on yourself and the baby. Make sure you are taking care and providing for the little one within you.
Seek support from any family members and friends while you are going through this. I don't think that you will be able to determine who the father is until the child is born so until that time you have to be strong and face the consequences of your choices. Ofcourse it would be uncomfortable being in your position given the circumstances but perhaps being grateful that the guy is still there might be a good place to start.
There are no simple solutions to situations like this; it will be a process and a learning experience for all involved. Welcome to reality. Own your own story and take it one step at a time with good intentions for all involved and somehow it will all seem not as overwhelming.
Best of luck to you all, sincerely...
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reader, Accountable +, writes (14 September 2009):
 q1605, I've never heard such a narrowminded response to somebody asking for advice. Mindless stereotyping isnt going to help this girl, and I dont understand how you intend to justify your claims that teens today are less responsible that those "in your day". There may be heightened rates of teenage pregnancy (this is debatable), but I would venture to say these werent nonexistent in your time (as they have never been), and there are also currently more young people going off to university than ever before, more doing voluntary work, and plenty who do take appropriate precautions when having sex (myself included in all those criteria).
Perhaps you should stop being judgemental - she can't change her past - and instead try to be a little constructive about the future.
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reader, busy04 +, writes (14 September 2009):
Woah q1605!
Kind of harsh, but it is the reality of the matter.
To add to that, honey there is nothing you can do now but wait until the baby arrives & have a DNA test to be sure of who the father is. That is the only way you can handle that part of it. There isn't magical words to say to your boyfriend or even the other guy, you just have to handle this whole thing with grace, dignity & patience. That's just all there is to it now. And much as you guys don't want to talk about it and as much stress you have right now, here is an exclusive newsflash for you: you have to talk! Be it sooner or later, you and your boyfriend have now got to discuss this situation. Because it isn't about either one of you anymore, there is a whole new life coming and you two need to figure out to rear it. Your boyfriend needs to tell you what his plans are (I hope it includes a job) if this baby is his. You have to decide on what you're going to do. And you also have to know if he will still stick around if it isn't his (which brings the other guy into all of this). And there are so many other things you guys need to do concerning it. So you have to talk, don't wait until 9 months is up, it makes no sense to build up different feelings only to "explode" in the end. This is now a total call of responsibility to the both of you, and the other young man involved as well. Not only is this about you, but this entire thing involves your parents! And yes, you need to talk to them, think about their stress, because truth be told, of course you can do all you can for your baby, but in the end it is your parents that will give more to it than you yourself! So don't kid yourself of that fact. Therefore, you need to talk to them also. In the future please protect yourself by using protection & all the other contraceptives that are available to you. A baby is indeed a blessing & a joy, but a baby is a HUGE job, and it's even harder trying to raise one when you are still one yourself. So I advise you to protect yourself and protection is not just to prevent pregnancy, but it is also there to reduce the chances of contracting STD's, Viruses & even worse AIDS. No one is totally safe from them, but you can protect yourself as much as you can by practicing safe sex sweetheart, a baby could be the only light part of your troubles!
I wish you good luck in the future& a successful pregnancy, and I also hope that you become one of the teenager mothers that perseveres in her education & career to make something of herself in the future and for her child. And I hope that you have learned a valuable life lesson through this. Stay strong! :)
Best wishes to you!
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reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (14 September 2009):
 You need to get a paternity test you can get one before the baby is born once you kno who the father is just move on from there but every choice has a consequence you made your choice so be prepared for your consequences. Im sure you will manage just fine though keep your head up and have faith.
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female
reader, califnan +, writes (14 September 2009):
At another time, you will probably want to get a test done so that you will know exactly who the father of your baby is.. If it doesn't come up before then, the child will probably want to know later..
Since you are an unwed mother to be, do what you can about your education.. I don't know if you are still in school, but there are on-line courses, evening classes, even the library.. Being an unwed mother means that there are only two people in this relationship at this time - you and your baby.. Do what you can to try to stabilize yours and your baby's future - financially, etc..
Your baby will be a blessing of God..
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reader, Accountable +, writes (14 September 2009):
It sounds like your relationship is already struggling, and is nowhere near strong enough to cope with the challenges which come with having a child; even if there werent the uncertainty surrounding its paternity. I would suggest ending the relationship before it becomes bitter (as it almost inevitably would with the arrival of a child), and getting a paternity test. If your current boyfriend is the father, then by all means ensure that he is supporting you and involved in your childs life, but this does not mean you two need to remain as a couple if you can't work through your issues.If the results show that the person you cheated with is the father, then he deserves to know that he is a dad, but i would be inclined to think that he may be less willing to offer support. Did you use any protection at all with him?If this is not the advice you were looking for and you are committed to making your current relationship work, then all i can say is that you need to find a way to reopen your communication paths and re-earn his trust - and you cant keep ignoring the issue of your cheating. Talk to him about why you did it, how you feel about it, and let him say/ask what he needs to. Good luck with whatever you choose to do; remember, being a single mum (especially as a teenager) is difficult, but not impossible, and you shouldnt keep a relationship going just because of a child - the last thing it needs is for its parents to go through a bitter breakup while it is young. xx
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