A
female
age
30-35,
*aurlaur
writes:Okay so this is very long and drawn out and I'll apologize in advance for this, but here goes. My ex and I started dating about 8 months ago and things moved very fast. We loved one another and talked about a future together and marriage but wanted to wait until our school was done (I'm 20, he's 23). He has always struggled financially and I was constantly picking up the slack (this was one of the major issues that caused fights) and whenever we fought I just couldn't give him the space he needed. When he had nowhere else to live my mom invited him to come stay at their house until he could save money for renting a place (they didn't charge him rent or groceries or anything). I found out about 3 weeks ago that I'm pregnant and at first he was ecstatic and wanted to keep the baby and talked about we had a future together and timing wasn't ideal but that we'd make it work.Once we began figuring out the logistics of it we began fighting daily because 1) he refused to sell his vehicle which he owes 26 000 loan on and costs 3 000 in interest each year 2) he refused to take time off school in the fall (baby is due in october) or take part time classes---he will be in class from 9am-4pm 5 days a week. When it became clear that he wasn't willing to sacrifice anything in order to achieve keeping the baby we began fighting because now we couldn't decide whetehr to keep it or not. I do not morally agree with abortions and don't think that I could handle all the associated guilt.About a week of this went on and then he broke up with me saying that 'things just weren't working' and we were never going to work and that it's my decision and he'll be there as much as he can but doesn't know how much that'll be. I was devastated and absolutely hysterical...we both said mean things to one another (I told him he was selfish and irresponsible and he told me I shoudl commit suicide and I use my mom's cancer for people's sympathy, the baby isn't his etc.). Now, we are at least being civil to one another and he says he wants to be involved in the pregnancy and baby's life but when I ask how he plans on managing this with his school and part-time minimum wage job (If he wasn't in school he could be plumbing full time and making 4x the wage he is now) he responds with "well you are taking time off school." I have tried to repeatedly explain that if I am taking care of the baby every day except for weekends how am I supposed to support myself and the baby? Especially if when he isn't with the baby he isn't even working, but in school?If I can show that he is financially unstable (I have proof of his debts to the bank, student loans and myself) and he holds apx. 5-7 diff menial jobs per year what are my chances of him having no custody rights? And can the court make him quit school in order to make a higher income to provide child support?
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (18 March 2011):
 Well, this is really tough for you. If he is that financially unstable and has so much debt, how do you think the court making him quit school to make a higher income (even if that's possible) is going to help? Sounds totally unrealistic and very little chance to generate more income to support the baby.
And if you are staying home to look after your child, how are YOU going to support yourself and the baby? Even if you get welfare (and I don't know how that works in Canada) its going to be extremely hard going - with just about zero support from him, emotionally OR financially. Nor is it fair to expect your parents to babysit full time.
Have you considered giving it up for adoption if you don't want to have an abortion? Whatever you decide, you'll need to give it long and careful thought......I know its a terrible situation for you.....
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