A
female
age
30-35,
*lorathehobbit
writes:Hello :) So this is about my sexuality, and I want your honest opinion, because I really am ok with myself, and I dont really want answers simply saying "Whatever you think, give it time etc." because I really really dont know! And I've given it three years, of course, I wont identify my sexuality over what you say alone, I will make up my mind myself. I just want your opinions, to give me a little peace of mind.. :DUp until I was about 14 I had been attracted to boys. Then I lost interest in boys when I began being attracted to girls. There had been rumours going around when I was 12 that I was a lesbian, so I found it really hard to accept and I tried to ignore the feelings I had. I fought myself for about a year and a half, until I finally said 'what the hell' and accepted myself. Since then, thats changed. My feelings towards girls has calmed down.I sometimes find girls attractive. I used to see girls on tv and find them attractive and I wanted to be in a realtionship with a girl. But, now I dont really. I have feelings for a girl, but nothing big, I just think she's attractive. I don't really look at girls anymore. With boys, I still look at boys and find them attractive, and sometimes I really like their personalities. But I dont know if I like them in a romantic way or if I'm just so used to liking boys that I think I like them :/ I don't think I'd like to be in a relationship with a boy, unless I found one I really like(which I think is unlikely..). And I think being in a relationship with a girl would be nice, but I dont see myself having feelings for any girls, as I'm very picky. In the end, I'm not really bothered, but sometimes feelings crop up, usually for girls, but nothing strong.That last point is important.I'm kind of asexual. Kind of bisexual. Kind of gay. Kind of straight. I'm everything. Basically, can any of you identify with this? Or even know what I'm talking about?Maybe I have sexual feelings for one sex and romantic for another. Any thoughts? I'm 17 now by the way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): Hm, no offense but I don't advise for you to get sexual experience because that could bring a lot of damange to you (and your heart-not your physical heart but who you are as a person). At this time, your hormones are just crazy! It leads you to many directions but I say be careful about them because sometimes they have no idea what they are doing or where they are going. I'm going to be direct so forgive me, but you have a brain and you still have the capabilities and the power to handle (or respond) in a healthy way. You're going to make mistakes and that's OK. That's part of who we are. And tbh, three years is a long time but it is not a long time to deteremined your sexuality. Our sexuality changes and grow over the years, so it is really best that you have to wait and grow...This will help and give you more direction. Many people in their early to late 20s don't even know yet. It is a process, not just a one time age where we figure out who we are as sexual (I'm not referring to sex) beings.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 March 2011):
Hi there. You are never really going to know for sure, until you actually experiment sexually with either gender.
And then it's going to come down to which you end up enjoying the most.
There is nothing wrong with experimenting with either sex really, because that's the only way you are going to know for sure.
In any case, you can't go rushing into either one until you actually meet someone (male or female), that you have feelings strong enough towards, and who you genuinely like, to go that extra step.
As you have only had feelings - attraction - towards some guys and some girls at different times. You haven't really put it to the test yet, have you?
Only once you decide to have sexual relations with different people (guys or girls), will you start to see which you end up preferring.
Sexual experimenting is really the only way you will ever find out.
This is something nobody can advise you on. You have to decide who those people will be.
There is no right or wrong way. It's what ends up making you genuinely happy that counts. No-one else can tell you who is best for you. This is something only you have to realize for yourself.
Whoever you end up liking, just make sure that you are treated properly with respect and dignity at all times.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): First, your young and your hormones are likely all over the place. Being 16 is rough, and in 6 or 7 years you'll look back and probably say "that was CRAZY!"... you can't see it when you're there, only after it's calmed down.
Second- you sound fairly typical... give it a couple of years and your sex drive is likely to really kick in- then you'll have a better idea of who turns you on.
My best friend (a woman) has vacillated between men and women all her life... since we knew each other in HS, through college. Married once, in two long term lesbian relationships now dating a great guy! You may be truly bi-sexual, or straight, or lesbian. no one can tell but you!
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