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female
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anonymous
writes: i cant make my mind up to be with a guy.. its really stressin me out and making sick - how do i make the right choice? This guy is very jealous and possesvie and smashes my things - he has had girlfriends but always came back to my house and we have had a sexually relationshiop for years - he used to bully me and put me down all the time and tell me he didnt want to know me and then ring me up like nothing had happened and i did everything for him.Eventually i became depressed and met someone else - i never told the long term guy as he had a girlfriend and acting like he hated me half the time and i new he would go mad if i told him cos the rules were even tho he could have a girlfriend i couldnt see anyone - anyway he found out about me seeing this guy - there was alot of trouble but he forgave me - and then 7 months ago he asked if i wanted to be with him - i loved him for years and thats what i always wanted but now im scared to make the commitment with him cos im not allowed out cos he says he has trust issues with me now and there is an arguement everytime i go out - ive met loads of nice guys but seem to be attracted to the negativity of this one guy - help!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the response - im going abit crazy witht this! i feel so low - i do love him and dont want to live without him and to be fair to him after his girlfriend he was nice to me and tried to make a go of things but i kept sayin i need time to think but he wouldnt let me and said that this is my last chance if i want to be with him - i feel bad because i lied to him in the past and he has said today that he wants something new and to move on but i dont want to let go cos i still feel that we could work this on - im trying to advise him to work on his trust issues but he says he has done enough by trying to ignore his insecure feelings when i go out but he cant - he now says that there is someone better out there that dont lie to him - i want him to get help but he wont - today he says that he will think about it and see if he can sort something out with the trust issues but he has said he doubts it - ive already had suicide thoughts constantly - i just want everthing to be ok - how can i get him to get help and not throw this away?? maybe i should just leave it but i really want to work something out but we talke for hours and it always comes back to the fact that i lied and he cant trust me
A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (29 May 2006):
 It sounds as if this guy has become a habit for you, he's not what you really want, you can see his faults but you can't seem to live your life without him in it. He on the other hand doesn't really want you either,he just doesn't want anyone else to have you or he would have finished with his girlfriend and commited to you a long time ago. He is trying to control you, and the way you live your life, don't let him!
This is a one sided relationship with a selfish man who wants everything his own way.
You know what this guy is like, he has trust issues with you (which is rich coming from someone who cheats on his girlfriend with you) what's the point in getting involved again? Not allowed out, what's that all about? Will he be staying in with you, or are you supposed to trust him while he goes out yet stay home all the time because he doesn't trust you?
My advice to you is break this habit once and for all, kick him to the kerb for good, and strive for a normal EQUAL relationship. Can you really see yourself being happy with him in the long term? I can't!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): WHY oh why would you want to be with a guy who makes 'rules' and doesnt let you go out? A relationship is built on trust...if there is none then your relationship is flawed from the start. Get out now!!!!!!!!
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