A
male
age
41-50,
*owboy
writes:This is mainly one for the guys, although ladies feel free to chime in too.I have a terrible problem using condoms.I thought I was weird, but after some research, I have discovered that I'm certainly not alone, about 25% of men have the same problem as me.The problem is this. When I put on a condom, it is very uncomfortable. Rolling it down is almost painful. Then, when the damn thing's on, the 'elastic band' at the base starts cutting into my penis. It's not just a bit tight, it leaves a groove on the dorsal side of my shaft where it meets my pubic region.To compound the problem, I can barely feel a thing when having sex. The almost complete lack of sensation coupled with the pain at the base and the general discomfort of having my penis enclosed in tight rubber, means that I start to lose my erection, and then it's game over.When I take the thing off, the groove that was pressed into my poor penis by the rim of the condom swells a little and goes purple, and I get a pain along the dorsal side of my whole penis for a few hours.I have tried the following to remedy this problem:I have tried every brand and type of condom that I can lay my hands on. I ordered a 'selection pack' from an online supplier and tried them all on. Some were better than others, especially the tightness of the 'elastic band', but none were good enough to be usable in the field.I read that one should wear a condom wile masturbating to get used to them, but this had limited success. I can stay erect while doing this, but only by using a very firm grip. Unless I meet a girl who is as tight as I can grip with my fist, this is no help at all.I have tried using lube on the inside of the condom. No change.I have tried getting the girl to put the condom on for me, to make it 'erotic', but that just makes it even more uncomfortable because at least I have some tactile feedback if I do it myself.I read on one forum a post by a self- styled 'sexologist', that the girl should place the condom into her mouth and use her lips to unroll it onto the guy's penis, promising that he would be unaware that it was even happening.If a girl attempted to do this on me, she'd have to use her teeth to get a good enough grip, and there's no way a guy would not notice this happening to their penis!It seems that the general consensus is that there is a new pathological condition called 'condom anxiety' which means that I have some kind of subliminal fear of wearing condoms. This, at least in my case, is absolute rubbish.Condoms hurt me (indeed they cause an actual physical injury to me) and eliminate all of the pleasant sensations that are normally associated with penetrative sex. It would take some kind of superhuman porn star to maintain an erection under these conditions.I have written all of this mostly to get it off my chest, and in the hope that some other poor guy will find solace in the fact that it's not just him.All of the advice I have read on the subject is either written by someone who hasn't got a clue about the subject, or is deeply unsympathetic.My problem is NOT that I want an excuse not to wear condoms, I don't want an accidental pregnancy or a disease.I have been having sex for some 17 years now, and I have used condoms most of the time (ie except when in a long term relationship)I'm sick of not enjoying sex as much as I should and of the pain and embarrassment that condoms have brought to me. I'm sick of apologising, and of having sex without cumming. From penetrative sex alone, I have orgasmed exactly twice while wearing a condom in the 17 years I have been sexually active.Ok, rant over. What I want to know is are polyurethane condoms likely to be any different? Has anyone had the same problem as me and found a way around it?I am considering ordering some PU ones online because I can't find them in any shops where I live, but before ordering a large quantity plus the price of postage, I'd like some opinions first.
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condom, erection, lose my erection, my penis, orgasm, porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (6 November 2008):
 LOL!
That's a nice thought but I'm old enough to be your Mother! SO!!! Go to your room! Ha! Bet you haven't heard that in a while! I'm sure that this bothers you a lot more than it bothers any of your partners, BTW. Most women have had experience with condoms and their effect on erections. Most women are with their partners for a LOT more reasons than just one. I can only hope that you persevere! Who knows, maybe you can find that certain someone that you have been searching for and finally ditch the condoms which would probably be the ideal solution! Nice talking with You! Hope the PU work out better for you!
A
male
reader, Cowboy +, writes (6 November 2008):
Cowboy is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Yeah, I read about the lambskin ones, but you're right about the disease thing, there are microscopic pores that can allow pathogens through.
Also, I don't know if I like the idea of putting my penis into a section of baby sheep's intestine either, but hey.
What's really soul destroying is when I have searced on the internet for a solution, a lot of the information presents this problem as a form of erectile dysfunction.
I'm sorry, but that is absolute horse sh*t.
Convincing men in my position that they have some kind of physical or mental disorder is very bad science.
I do not have erectile dysfunction. Without a condom, I function just fine, thank you very much.
It pops up, we have sexy time, it goes down when I'm finished. Normal.
The problem is with the device itself, not the man using it.
This has been acknowledged by the manufacturers, who have recently developed a condom with a viagra- like substance in the tip to counter this problem.
Should I need to rely on a chemically induced erection in order to practice safe sex? I am perfectly able to get and maintain an erection without a condom, so should I use a device that requires a drug to mechanically overcome its shortcomings?
Is the drug safe, or will I end up unable to maintain an erection without it?
I guess I'll try and give femidoms another go.
Birdynumnums, I'm glad you like my sense of humour, perhaps you'd like to meet up and we could have five minutes of disappointing sex, after which I would go all floppy, and mumble an apology whilst nursing my penis?
:oD
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (6 November 2008):
Well, Yes, that's why I laughed! Your writing shows why women like you, you have a good sense of humor! Well, enough flattery, and I'm quite sure if you have the ability to have had a few partners, you would have the finesse to be able to present a Femidom in a more palatable fashion. But if a barrier method is what's called for, and you don't like them, then you have only one other choice! Ewh, coathanger... My fingers can reach the back of my vagina, so I know for a fact that any woman can reach into her own va-j-j and pull out a lost Femidom... so I'm Quite sure that you don't need the coathanger. I think most men would agree with the lack of sensation thing as well, but that's part of what to expect with any barrier method. Lambskin condoms are better, but they don't provide protection against HIV. I never did try PU though. Latex in general can be irritating. Did you try the larger sized ones? Perhaps that would help with the elastic edge? Anyways, I'm not an expert on condoms but had a few random ideas, with the hope only to help!
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A
male
reader, Cowboy +, writes (6 November 2008):
Cowboy is verified as being by the original poster of the question
I'm right though aren't I?
Asking a girl to use a femidom is asking her to do something pretty unflattering.
Trying to retrieve one that has vanished up inside, perhaps with the help of a a bent coathanger and a torch isn't very erotic either.
Here's an example of the type of crap that people in my situation have to put up with.
This is a quote from another website:
"A lot of young men lose their erections just at the moment when they try to put the condom on. They usually describe this as 'not being able to get on with condoms'.
This sudden loss of the 'hard on' is due to the anxiety of the moment. When couples are having this difficulty, family planning doctors usually advise that the woman puts the sheath onto the guy - rubbing his penis as she does so. This is exciting for men – so the erection is usually maintained. "
What the doctor neglects to mention is the gradually increasing discomfort, culminating in actual pain.
Usually, my first indication that something is wrong is when I 'slip out'. I then have to either visually check or feel with my hand to see if I still have an erection, because the sensation is so reduced that I can't just tell by the way my penis feels.
Sometimes, it's even difficult to tell whether or not I'm actually inside the girl.
I read a post by another guy with the same problem, and he said that it's like running along a beach wearing wellingtons,which I thought was an apt and amusing description.
Incidentally, I forgot to add that if I have sex without a condom, everything functions perfectly.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (6 November 2008):
Popping a bin liner in! LOL Cowboy!
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A
male
reader, Cowboy +, writes (6 November 2008):
Cowboy is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Sorry, I meant to mention female condoms, but I forgot.
I have tried these too, (I think they were PU actually) but at least in my case they didn't really work too well. I had problems with them either coming out or getting pushed inside. The latter problem is especially worrying because if it happened at the wrong time, there's quite a high risk that semen might go where it shouldn't.
There's also the obvious stigma of asking a girl I don't know if she'd mind awfully popping a bin liner in...
One other thing to add is that I don't have an enormous or odd shaped penis. I am a body piercer, and I've seen thousands of the things.
I think the manufacturers may make them quite tight fitting, especially around the rim, to reduce the chances of slippage. Unfortunately this makes them practically useless for quite a high number of men.
The 'elastic band' thing is particularly worrying. It's pretty unpleasant, and I worry that wearing one for a long time might actually cause some permanent damage to the delicate nerves or blood vessels.
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A
female
reader, Gemini1506 +, writes (6 November 2008):
Hi.. k i'm sorry i'm not a guy =(.
But i think i can help. I used to see a guy who had the same problem so i kinda understand.
Anyway yeah try PU and see if t hey work.. but why do you have to be the one to wear the condom.. females can wear them.. why don't you suggest that with your next sexual partner
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (6 November 2008):
Why not ask your partner to use a Femidom or Female Condom instead? You could even buy a supply yourself. It would stop the pain and discomfort that you are feeling and still give you the protection that you would have from a barrier method?
;-)
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