A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been on this site for years,I sometimes come in as a person who needs advise or sometimes to give one..but recently I have been noticing quite a change in the attitude of some agony aunts,down right mean and cruel,I think you need to remember your dealing with a person who is emotionally broken,depressed and is seeking for advise!be kind,be nice try to put in ur words in a polite manner so that they understand!some of aunts seem to act like they know everything,don't be soo harsh!I think the next time other posters should be blunt and tell them what they think so before passing harsh comments you know how it feels like to be in their shoes!if you don't like a question,u think its fake,distasteful don't answer them,this is a fantastic site and I'm sure someone else will!so please I request you'l to be polite!thank you! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): I think it's not that someone here is writing to hurt anyone, it's just some people were hurt by past experiences of their own and when they hear here a similar story they unload their anger at a poster.Also, I personally was insulted several times here by a certain uncle, who didn't like my responses and called me illiterate because I make mistakes in writing as English is not my first language, but fifth:). I also witnessed posters being literally attacked by others if a poster have different from majority believes. A poster might simply ask for opinions and attacks start out of nowhere, and absolutely uncalled for. It is undeniable fact that it takes place. I think we all need to remember that this site is for people who are disturbed at this moment of their lives, some more than others., and try not let personal anger to lead us in giving advices.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2013): Hi. Thank you for your comments. I have taken them on board. I answer questions at times but generally cherry pick and only answer those I feel qualified to comment on with some useful advice. But I hope I dont rant, be mean or unkind when I am doing it! Im not adverse to constructive criticism nor do I feel I know everything, so I will be extra thoughtful in the future because as you quite rightly point out, many posters are in a fragile state and adding to their unhappiness is the last thing I want to do. I have noticed I sometimes get a little compassion fatigue but when that happens I take a break from the site until I can look at things with fresh eyes again.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (17 February 2013):
It is true that some-one should not be questioning whether a post is fake. Whilst we are only human, the moderators are very good at filtering obviously fake and junk questions so a question that has been published should be interpreted as a legitimate question and the response should seek to address that question.
However, it is somewhat ridiculous to complain that some people seem to think they know it all because you think they’ve been a bit harsh. Unfortunately, sometimes people need to be told bluntly how the agony aunt/uncle believes they should best resolve their situation, especially if you can see from the question that they’ve been in denial or not grasped the main point. I’ve also seen a complaint recently from some-one moaning that the people answering had no idea of the detail and complexity of the situation, and they therefore didn’t give good advice. Well, perhaps I could politely suggest that posters aggrieved by a failure to address the detail, need to realise that we can only go with what we have and that they always have the option to post an update or follow-up, and that in fact they have a responsibility to make their central question, and the area they want advice on, clear in their questions.
As has already been said, no-one should doubt that we are aware of the emotionally distressed state people are often in when they turn to us for help. That we have the opportunity to help people in the toughest times is a real privilege and why we give up our own time to do it. Fortunately, that’s a strong enough motivator that the increasing numbers who seem to be complaining because they don’t find the advice they were given palatable, will not deter the agony aunts from this work.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 February 2013):
 Tell 'em , TrancedRythm Ear ,LOL !
This is a free site where people voluntarily asks for opinions, which are generously and ,in general, thoughfully and competently provided by the Aunts and Uncles, to the best of their abilities and experience, but , of course, according to their personal style ,values and mindset. As it should be.
There are guidelines that we have to respect - we literally HAVE to, otherwise our posts are promptly deleted.
Other than that, we can't commit to answer the posters with what THEY want to hear .We have no way to know it, but, even knowing it, we may in full honesty and conscience be convinced that our approach is the best possible or more useful. Personally , like TrancedRythmEar, I am appropriate,compassionate and empathetic every time , IMO, the situation requires it .Which, admittedly, it's not always. It is a matter of OPINIONS, not an exact science. . If you don't like the opinions you are being given, you are free to disregard them.
And yes, if I feel a post is fake, I'll say it. Regardless of the excellent, admirable work of our mods, there are plenty of trolls around, some may slip through the mods' net , and the inconsistencies be only noticed later. You know ,that kind of stories that goes : " So, with my right hand I was doing this, and with the left hand that, and with the third hand... " Third hand ?...Uhm. Troll alert. ( Silly example, but I think my point is clear ).
Talking about politeness, it is also very impolite to waste volunteers' time and energy with fake questions.
So, if I feel is fake, I'll bring it up. Prove me wrong, or convince me I am mistaken, and I'll only be happy to apologize.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (17 February 2013):
 Lol so dramatic. Im appropriate n compassionate when need be. Overall not on here for ppl to agree with me with what I have to say.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 February 2013):
 Hi
I think the Aunts and Uncles know the emotional condition some posters are in. They try to help by giving advice from experience or pure common sense.When your an outsider to a problem it's easier to see things and frustrating that the person is perhaps doing themselves damage when it's clear what the solution is.
The moderators are on here and do a great job,so do the Aunts & Uncles, their advice is diverse,which is good and the questioner can take it or leave it.I don't think anyone sets out to hurt,only help
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