A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had a bf almost a year ago whom I had broken up with because I found out he was cheating on me. This had hurt me so severely I was depressed for months, had nightmares and developed a phobia on certain things and places.For some reason, my ex and i kept our communication bitterly, fighting on SMS and refusing to return my stuff. Every time a thing is solved, he would call me back and beg me to not forget him. He told me he broke up with the girl coz he found out she is married. This happened for about 3 months. Months after that, he was always the one to initiate contact with me about random things which I could not resist replying back. This went on for months without us seeing each other.Until one day, he went to my house and we spent days together. I saw how much he had changed as he told me of girls he had met and stuff. I felt i had no use to his life and that I am only for sex or someone to hang out with. So i decided that as new year comes, it would be my resolution to totally stop anything about him. So when he tried to call me, I ignored. All attempts he made I ignored and the more i ignore the more he persists. I realized I have to tell him straight so i finally messaged him to say we need to talk.I told him we have to stop because of his new life and he told me the girls he had mentioned were persons he saw only for a day where he realized they were no good. The truth is, he is still texting this married girl but they have not seen each other for months. He had already asked her to go back to her husband but the girl wont stop contacting him which he can't resist replying. I feel he is telling the truth but I am still jealous.To this, he wants to know why he should not see me anymore. He looked so sad that I wont allow him to call or see me anymore. And he said he wants to meet my family as I told him my nieces and nephews are in town.I don't know what to do. I still am in love with him but I am also hurting to find out that he still had a communication with this girl he cheated on me for even though he said he wished in his heart this girl will stop bugging him one day and disappear forever.Should I see him again or stick to my decision? Do you think he still loves me? I feel so lost...help me.
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broke up, cheated on me, depressed, jealous, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (30 October 2011):
 Kudos to you. I am so happy you finally found happiness.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 September 2011):
I am so glad to see your update! See, you deserved WAY better and that's what you got. Hopefully your ex got his issues sorted out...but if not, who really cares, right? Good for you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Again,It's been 19 months since I wrote this post and I have not opened my account for some months already. I can't help but comment coz this seems to be not me at all. First is, I want to thank everyone who had given me advises here because you know what you are right!!!! I am so glad I have followed your advises, it was not easy and it felt like forever to get over it. But now, as I read my own post, it sounded like it was not me at all. I am so relieved my ordeal with my ex is over.Right now, I am currently with my boyfriend whom I have met while I was coping up from my painful past. I think it's true when they say you lose something for a reason. Coz yes, I lost an ex bf, but in the process I met my now current bf who is way better and much more loving guy. We are together for a year now.Thanks a lot everyone for being there with me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo anonymous poster, thanks so much..i really liked your advise. It really brought me to tears. I know, i know this man isn't good for me..I keep fighting my feelings and to tell you even now I am going crazy.To add to that, I am at a position right now where I don't meet new single men either. It's like I am in a prison. My only option is to meet one online and I met one who turned out to be a scam. I feel so hopeless. I really can't wait to forget him. Right now, i feel like I am about to explode and I was at work and I can't just stand and burst into tears. No one knows what I am going through.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010): If there is one thing I know about guys, it is this: If they do not want contact with a woman, they won't have it. I've heard of men who have more than one phone, change their numbers, set their phone to a special ring tone for a certain number so they know who is calling & whether or not to answer.....you name it really! This married lady has a husband who she clearly isn't leaving so he is just a plaything for her no doubt. Anyone who can sustain an affair is a good liar so this doesn't bode well and even if you were to sit these two in a room and demand the truth, you probably would stand bugger all chance of getting it since they are both such accomplished liars! If he didn't want to talk to this lady, he would have changed his number, blocked her number or done something! I have had men tell ME what to do and how to do it, if I want to avoid someone & believe me they know all the tricks!! And it is only men who seem to have these 'technical problems' with their mobiles. If a man wants to shut you out he will find a way. He cheated on you with her so he could do it again!! You are worth more than that and ok we all make mistakes but he sounds like he can't stay away from women and is incapable of having just one girlfriend so it's a recipe for hurt for you really. Tell him you really, seriously, want proper space for yourself and you are going to take it. You don't have to answer the phone when he calls. If he texts you simply text back, only once, saying 'what I said you on X day stands' then ignore him.
Now onto you, more importantly and the serious matters of nightmares, phobias and depression. I have been there myself and it is a mistake to allow someone to mean so much to you, that you cannot sleep or be happy or function properly without them. A good relationship is in addition to an already fulfilled balanced person and we need to work on this. It is not good to be going through that sort of emotional trauma and actually, if you are liable towards anxiety and insomnia re relationship troubles, then someone who cheats and seems to need to hang around constantly with numeous women is a BAD BAD BET FOR YOU! You need someone stable, loyal and loving who you can trust .. someone who cares about your health and won't do stuff that he knows will make you ill and upset. I think it would be helpful for you to get a few counselling sessions also, to look at WHY you react so so badly when a relationship gets into trouble. Your life is worth a lot and you are worth more than this ... why should you lie awake, or have nightmares or panic attacks because of a man who is not capable of basic decency and honesty. Be strong and determined. Don't let him or anyone for that matter, have so much power over you. You can do it! x
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (12 January 2010):
The answer to your question about what to do is simple. You need to cut contact with him and move on with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo pinktopaz, even me i cant believe he never knew she was married in the beginning. But the reason why they split is because the husband went to the police and reported their affair.
He told me, he never wanted to ruin a family which i believed since he always warned me before to stay away from married man. And he said he knows how it would feel to find out a wife like that. He said the girl ran away from home and it was him who convinced her to go back to her husband.
I told him if he is really in love with her, why not convince her to divorce the husband and then they can get married. But he said to me he doesn't want to marry her, he doesn't want a life with her. He said he is suffering but he is trying his best to move on and avoid the girl. He doesn't see her anymore, hadn't seen her for 3 mos...the reason why he says everything about them is a lost cause. Only takes time to fade.
Guys, if I have to stick to my decision..what do you suggest for me to say to him? What actions should I make to avoid him?
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (12 January 2010):
 wow ummm stick to your resolution this guy has nothing good for you, You will regret it if you get back with him. The only way i would suggest staying with him is if he ask to marry you and actually comes up with a ring. on some level i think he may love you but hes just to messed up with to mutch drama and you dont need to be sorting through it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 January 2010):
Stick to that decision. He's practically seeing a married women for God's sake. He doesn't deserve a second of your time.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (11 January 2010):
As the man says, "Not a winner, kid."
This is a man who has no clue who he is inside, and is simply going to philander.
Inasmuch as you like him, or possibly even love him; he's just not right for you.
People like him are full of self-deceptions and they can mislead you and other women.
In short, he's a "player".
Please try and get your life straight. Once you have an idea of who you are and what kind of man you want, what kind of future you truly desire, then look for a man who has all the qualities and characteristics of the person you deserve and want in life. But this guy, he's not it.
You seem to be very sensitive and caring. And that to me says it all. A really good guy will have no qualms about making things in a way that you can always be happy with him.
But this guy, he's poison.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (11 January 2010):
 Stick to your decision. He wants to keep his access to your life, but if you think about it it's access he doesn't deserve. Did he really ask why he shouldn't see you anymore? WTF? The answer is "because I don't want to see you at all." You're moving on with your life and there is no reason to keep around some old cheating ex-boyfriend who's done so much to bring you down. The more he tries to be in your life, the stronger your resolve should be to keep him out of it. Guys like that don't change in a year. Only the lies do.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 January 2010):
Okay, cheaters are usually liars. I HIGHLY doubt that he suddenly found out the other girl was married. I think either he knew ahead of time or that's his story to you to make her look like the bad guy and like he's the victim in all this and trying to be "good" but this horrible married lady won't leave him alone.
I also think it's total BS that he texts her all the time but never sees her. If he was totally over and wanted her to go back to her husband and out of his life like he said he wanted her to, then he would just ignore her by now or change his number. It's not like he has no control.
Stick to your decision, he's only going to continue to make you feel bad. He hasn't "changed" most people never change and if they do it takes years. He's manipulative and selfish. You can do better and he deserves to be alone.
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