A
female
age
30-35,
*implyjuliet
writes:I appreciate that there are many posts on here about teacher/student relationships. Please do read this is may appear to be long but I would really appreciate the help! I also have a serious problem with my ex-teacher which has been escalating for the past almost-4 years. I am not goin to go in much detail however what I will say is that it began as a crush, then became a serious attraction, eventually it became deeply caring about this man and over the past year I know for definate it is Love.Sounds ridiculous I know. I am now in the 6th form in my school (college) he is not my teacher, yet over the years we have formed an unbelievably amazing friendship whereby he tells me everything about his past/present life and he knows everything about me. He can read me like a book, and has helped me grow especially as I have lost family memebers over these years. We have been through alot together from secluded and intimate talks, to him hugging me, kissing my forehead and cheek, telling me he cares deeply for me and calls me "babygirl" and "my angel/darling" and "beautiful", to arguments and awkward moments.And basically I know it is morally wrong for one to tell a teacher they love them. BUT I have my exams this year and I have to pass them with high grades in order to get into my final year of 6thform. The thing is, I will only know If i have passed during the summer, when I probably won't see him. And I wanted to tell him how I feel incase I was to leave after this year. Is that wrong? despite there being a slight chance that I do come back for my final year? I have opened up to friends, relatives and even a counsillor about this and neither have helped. I realise the only way I can take the first step in moving on is telling him, this is making me physically and mentally unstable. Please help guys! Please. Thank you.
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crush, kissing, my ex, my teacher Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Oh yea... nicole1758 has offered you advice as she is familar with this type of situation. Prehaps it would be a good idea to take up her offer and email her for some further advice. Keep us updated and take care of you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Hi,
I tried to track down all your post regarding this. I'm not sure but I remember something about recently married (but I'm probably young) You love this man, that is sure and he cares about you and is not frightened of showing you affection. I'm sorry your in this situation, it sure sounds like it's been torturing you. You are (I hope) over age and living in the UK. Therefore legally (after school) you can choose to talk to anyone you like.
You've been in love with this man for four years, and during this time you have lost some close family members. You find him protective and value his friendship and support. He sounds like a nice man to me, but you know him best.
It is not a good idea for a teacher to be so affectionate with you, but seeing as you've suffered so much grief it's understandable that the boundaries may have been blurred. I know you care, but I don't know him and can't see what's in his mind and what his feelings for you mean.
There is nothing in his behaviour (as you describe it) to suggests that he is a pervert or likes little girls. He's proud of you and is not afraid to show how affectionate he is in public. This man has nothing to hide, he dose not feel has anything to hide in his feelings for you. It would be interesting to know how old he is.
You probably feel overwhelmed by the strength of your emotions, and yes it probably is love. Your teacher has been very kind to you when you needed it most and makes you feel good about yourself and supported. However, you need to put all this aside and concentrate on your exams. Since it is causing you so much distress, you could tell him how you feel and put a stop to all this hugging and kissing.
As I have said, everything in his behaviour indicates to me that this man cares about you very much and yes it could even be love. (I wish I could find your other post) But it's not clear if he loves you as anything other than a daughter. You will torture yourself over this untill you find out one way or another if he has romantic feelings for you. You love him, but it is not very clear if he loves you in the same way. If you decide to approach him, seeing as your so close it might be appropriate to discuss it with him face to face.
I wish you luck. Try to get some rest and put this aside for something else. Your so young, and have so much to look forward to in life. Continuing on this course may only bring you pain, unhappiness and embarrasement, you still may not get what you want. Once you leave school the feelings may fade or they may intensify. You are a legally an adult, only you can make choices for you. You have choosen to love this man, you can choose to tell him how you feel, but you may not be able to get him to love you and choose to be with you.
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A
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reader, Collaroy  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 Hi,
as an ex teacher I cannot believe the number of people who are saying "go for it" in their advice.
This girl is in 6th form that's 16 to you and I and she is being chatted up by a teacher. If I had a colleague who was doing this I would report him to the education department and get his arse fired . He is trying to take advantage of a young girl, I'm perplexed that none of you can see this. He is a predator and his victim is ready to run into his arms.
Good grief.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): Yep it's you again... Give me a moment. Ill be back with a post later, maybe tomorrow..... Give me time to get a cup of tea, and read what everyone has said to you here, and think things through....Miss SimplyJuliet....
I'm real interested, adding you as a friend...... You might wanna post me some mail to get me up to speed. Take care of you babes, it's all gonna work out fine and that is a promise I can make to you. (You sure your living in the UK and overage)
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A
female
reader, simplyjuliet +, writes (19 May 2008):
simplyjuliet is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey guys, sorry i don't want to appear like i'm dragging this post on!
Just thought I would do a slight update. I'm really confused, the answers left to my questions are extremely helpful, but I see some people say i should tell and some say I shouldn't.
Anyway, the other night was a prom night in school in which i attended along with some of my friends (it wasn't my prom but this teacher invited a few of us along to join the fun)
He could not stop hugging me, taking pictures with me and kissing my cheek and forehead all night! I actually can't take it anymore. Of course, he is friendly in everyway, and as i said before, this is merely a part of our amazing friendship, this is how we are towards eachother! But sometimes I wish he would kind of cut down on this kissing and hugging thing because it only draws me more and more to him, dragging my love for him in deeper and deeper only causing me more pain as nothing can happen, at least not while i am a student at the school!
What's the worst that would happen if i was to tell him at the end of this year? which is soon? I want everything to be clear to me before i make any sudden movements. If ever I was to tell him, i would reinforce the fact that i am not asking him of anything, i would NEVER initiate ANYTHING sexual or physical with him, simply tell him how i feel so maybe he would consider this everytime he hugs me and so on.
I actually look back in the past years, and can not imagine how I would have coped with my problems and losses without him. He is amazing both as a teacher and as a friend, in every way possible!
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A
female
reader, Tevote +, writes (7 May 2008):
 awww thats so cute he's such a gentle man!. I understand how hard it is to do your exams when there around because you just cant stop thinking about them, but just tell him when you leave because seriously it will be easier for you. No trouble for u or for him. And if you dont like pass or something you can always visit im sure the school lets visitors come in and stuff.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): omg!!! youre in such a lucky situation!!!
im trying to shag a teacher, but ive fallen back a yr in sixth form- so annoyen.
But omg this sounds like lOVE for you. but yeh deffinately WAIT, its sounds worth it. go you xx
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female
reader, simplyjuliet +, writes (6 May 2008):
simplyjuliet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your replies everyone. Really has got me thinking - i know i should wait, but i can not stress enough that i actually can not take it anymore.
I have waited for 4 years and i do not want to take the risk of me failing my exams and not coming back to my 6th form next year, and having not told him.
If anything, he is possibly the reason i can not study properly to do well in my exams, all i ever think of is him and him not knowing. I physically and mentally can not take it anymore!
Like the other day I was coming out of the girls toilets and it suddenly started raining heavily and i ran back in huffing and puffing to myself that i didn't want my hair to get wet, and as i did he was walking past with his class, he went straight past. It was only about 2 minutes later i heard him calling my name, and saying "here sweetheart, i'll walk you to your lesson" (he knows me too well. he knows i dislike my hair getting wet!) and as much as i said it's okay he walked me all the way to the building my lesson was in, holding the umbrella above me! saying that his class was not important!
I wish he didn't do these things, i've tried to avoid them but i simply can not!
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A
female
reader, nicole5178  +, writes (26 April 2008):
 If you're going to tell him, do it face-to-face just talking. Don't write anything down, for both of your protection. What you're talking about doing is very serious, and you have to be kind of... covert.
But I would advise WAITING until after you graduate!! Just enjoy the feeling of being in love, and maybe LATER when it's SAFE for HIM, something could potentially happen. Think about what's best for him--try not to be self centered in this situation, because you could really throw away everything you two have. Take things slowly.... This is very delicate.
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female
reader, simplyjuliet +, writes (25 April 2008):
simplyjuliet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys thank you so much :)
Just wanted to ask if i was to tell him, how could i do it? I mean face to face of course but I don't know about me having the courage. I have written a letter just incase worse comes to worse, and if i was ever to give it to him, I would stand there possibly to see his reastion? Rather than walk off.
I saw him again today, as i do everyday, i just can't take it anymore i really can't. He is too sweet and funny. He proper messed my hair up with his hands and started laughing, and usually i would laugh along with him, but i just looked at him...and It's like I admire him so much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): i thin you should tell him. i think you are old enough to know what you are doing and old enough for aman to be attracted to you without it being worng. you must bear in mind if you start a relationship and your still in school(if you stay on) then it would be illegal.
goodluck x
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female
reader, Tevote +, writes (20 April 2008):
Well I think you should tell him...but i'm not exactly sure I mean he could think of it as a father daughter relationship but then again I could be wrong. Only you could really know what he feels about you if not then ask him...and then see what he says come up with something incase he asks you why you asked him how he feels about you...maybe you can say well i have no idea what you could say. Just do what you think is right, follow your instincts.
goodluck
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A
female
reader, nicole5178 +, writes (17 April 2008):
I don't know if you should tell him. He could just see you as a daughter, and you'd be throwing away that relationship if you told him. The kissing on the forehead thing sounds a bit romantic, but it also could be parental. Are you positively sure he likes you?
If you're sure, then tell him. While you're a legal age, it's illegal in the UK for teachers to have relationships with students at the school where they work, whether or not you have a class with them. So if you do go back, nothing could happen. If you don't, then if both of you are consenting, dating could be possible. Keep in mind, though, that your relationship will be frowned upon until you're about 25. Your family and friends will disapprove and possibly stop supporting you, financially and emotionally.
I don't know any specifics, so I can't make the call on whether or not he likes you in return, but there's a 50-50 chance he considers you as family--not as a potential girlfriend. Thus far, I'd say there's nothing too abnormal about your relationship as friends, so if you decide to act on your feelings, remember that you're going to have to make a lot of the first moves, to which he's not going to respond without hestitation.
...Hope that helped you out. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk to someone--I've been through a teacher crush situation as well. Good luck!!
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reader, simplyjuliet +, writes (16 April 2008):
simplyjuliet is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey, thanks guys so much for your replies!
Means alot and glad to know people can understand from my point of view.
To the male reader below, you're a trainee teacher? Do you think he would still tell someone else even though i may not be coming back? I don't think he will as we have that special sort of friendship/relationship..I just can't take not telling him anymore
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female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (16 April 2008):
 he seems to care for you and your 16 so legal tell him how you feel at least you will have it of your chest you will feel a lot better. It's wrong for a teacher and student to get so close but thats the way life goes.
If you were 13 id be saying report him, he seems to be able to talk and open up to you, just tell him.
Good luck and let us know what happens. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): I think you definatly need to talk to this man about your feelings to find out either way, it does sound like he has a real interest in you, but you should also be aware that this man could just care deeply about you but just not in the way that you do for him. talking to him is the only way to know for sure
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