A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My affair of a year has just ended. I knew it wouldnt last forever since im married and had no plans to leave my husband but I also fell for this guy and hard. We have had such a connection on a deeper level and now he is moving on to try and start a family that I cannot give him. I want to be firends with him but its hard to even see his car let alone talk to him. The pain is very deep and I am trying to be strong and not call him and to focus on my family life.He works in the office next to me so this just makes things worse.I would just like advice on how to heal from others who have been in this situation. Even knowing how he feels about me does not help. He is a great guy and I want him to be happy but knowing hes dating is killing me inside. Thanks for any advice and help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BexyB  +, writes (30 June 2007):
HiYou know, affairs can be really exciting because you get to talk to the man and have intimate relations with him without the inturruption of kids, the cooking of his meals, the washing of his underpants and the worry of paying the bills together. An affair is an escape. Don't you realise that your husband is a man who could have an affair with someone like you did? You have forgotten how to look at him with a stranger's eye. If you are not happy with your husband - leave him. If you are not unhappy with him it may be that you are an insecure person who needs an illicit affair to boost your self esteem.Your lover has moved on because the situation no longer makes him feel good - it's not all about you, you know.True happiness comes from within - you can take it wherever you go and share it with whoever you are with. You cannot rely on anyone else to make you happy. Your lover has gone - why are you unhappy? Aren't the memories enough for you? Are you incomplete without him? Are you bored now? Doesn't anyone pay you compliments anymore?You have a man at home that you feel you are not happy with and you have deceived him and cheated on him. Take a moment to think how you would feel if he had done the same to you.Maybe you should break free and live on your owm - be brave. Get to know yourself, enjoy your freedom and you might even realise that you'd only like a man to take you out to dinner now and then.There's a brilliant product on the market called the Rabbit Platinum which really does satisfy any sexual craving. All you need is a good imagination, a tub of carte d'or ice cream and a bottle of Tesco demi sec cava and your night's complete.Go girl and let your hair down. Don't let any man (your husband or your ex-lover) ruin a perfectly lovely life.Sarah xxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Woman to woman, let's face it... He is moving on. Can you actually see or have ever felt the "pain he has gone through?" You are married for pete's sake! Men have heart's too, feelings and cry like we do. I am sure he had many painful moments of not having you fully. The man has moved on so deal with it, he has the right to see other women and date and he did the right decision in cutting the affair with you. Leave him alone and respect him as a person and be a friend and try not be too attached. Seems like you are unhappy in your marriage, so start from the core of your life and do a reality check with your husband and marriage first. Girlfriend, to say you are hearbroken because the affair stopped with you and this man and you have no intentions of leaving your husband is a totally insult to this other man's intelligence. What in the world are you thinking?How do you heal from this man who you had an affair with while you were married? You need to heal first within your own marriage and not out of marriage. What do you expect girlfriend? You said it point blank, you have no intentions to leave your husband. Than what do you expect?Move on and apologize for the agony you caused this other man. What more, you should really of all owe an apology to your dear husband!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): You should keep him as a lover then I am sure your husband
would agree that you keep him as a second husband or he may
keep him as first husbandafter your husband consents that
you can promote him to first husband and your current husband is demoted to second husband provided that offer him a free trip when you travel for honey moon of you and
promoted husband.He would be supposed help the promote husban in guiding penetration and the wife.I am sure you
wuld lead magnificent and happy life eversince all of you
especially if the new demoted husband keep serve the couple
by keeping the promoted husban erect and guiding his cock
to and in the pussy of the wife.
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A
female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (8 February 2007):
 Breakups are hard, aren't they? Particularly if you've risked a lot to have this relationship. I can empathise completely with you, i almost started an affair last year. The feelings were unbelievably strong. And even though we decided in the end that we weren't 'cheaters', and didn't embark on the affair, it still took ages for me to get over him. I think some days i'm still not over him.
Ignore the judgements; that's a matter for another forum -your husband is not the problem you're seeking help with. My only advice is to keep busy, try to avoid this man (hard i know, with work and all), and do things that bring you pleasure as often as you can.
It won't go away, but it will get easier.
Good luck to you...
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (8 February 2007):
 You must have known that this affair would never last? If you feel hurt, can you imagine the hurt your husband would be feeling if he were to find out about this affair? Think about HIM and concentrate on making your marriage work. There were obviously problems there to begin with when you started an affair up.
Put this other guy out of your head, he'll only bring you misery, you AND your family. Think of ways to spice up your marriage again. You have a loving family, something that is envied by many, you should be thankful for that. If things aren't going too well with you and your husband then find ways to rectify it. I can give you some links on that if you want them. Just email and I'll send them to you.
You said you knew it would end in time as you have no plans to leave your husband. Too bad if the other guy was really smitten with you huh? It all sounds a bit selfish to me love. Start afresh and concentrate on your marriage now and let the guy get on with his life. He deserves to be loved 100% by someone and not just be someone's bit on the side. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but I'm being totally honest with you.
Eve
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (8 February 2007):
 Focus not on the end of your affair but how lucky you are that your husband didn't find out. If he had you would have had to deal with all the hurt you caused. If you're not happy with your husband that's a completely separate issue to breaking up with your lover and regardless of whether you have a back up, if you're not happy in your marriage then you should let your husband go so that he has the chance of finding someone who really loves him. If, on the other hand, you're totally in love with your husband and view your affair with this guy as a mistake then you won't feel bad for long, just an initial grieving period.
CD
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A
female
reader, kj0483  +, writes (7 February 2007):
ask your self this: can your husband give you what you are needing? there is a reason why you had the affair. something was lacking in your marriage and you managed to find it in the other guy. if your husband cant provide what is lacking then why not be with the other man and file for divorce? just keep in mind that if you do go with the other man, that he will trust you and not assume that you will cheat on him.
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