A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice...I have been married for 9 years and have 2 kids. I love my family, but recently my wife and I have not been communicating well and I admit that I have not done what it takes on an emotional and loving (I am not talking about sex) level to be a good husband. My wife told me that she feels like I am disconnected, void of emotion, etc. She said she has had it with this type of relationship and if it weren't for the kids it would be over. I know this is a problem of mine...the emotional side of a relationship is something I struggle with. I am more of a worker husband who supports my family, does not stray to other women, and am a great dad. I am a good, handsome man and she will even say that. This is not enough though apparently. She is giving me a chance to fix this but I need advice. If I start complimenting her all of the times, getting her flowers, etc it would be obvious that I am just trying to make up for lost time of doing this type of thing. Any advice on how to move forward and save my marriage?
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female
reader, ceme +, writes (29 July 2009):
yeah! just give her the flowers! she'll be somewhat happy. Just so she knows you care.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 April 2009):
 Some of you may not be old enough to remember Ellen Kreidman. She wrote a series of self help books for relationships starting with "light her fire". I would highly recommend it in this case. First it has specific assignments at the end of each chapter, which is exactly what you need. You will also learn that she is constantly comparing the amount of time you spend on her with the time you spend on anything else. What she really wants as proof that you love her is your most valuable possession, your time. Give it to her. She misses the time when you were courting her and she wants it back. If you court her you can keep her, and you will be rewarded.
Now you have heard it from the guys and the girls. Make your relationship the priority in your life, because you won't be happy without it.
Oh, and one more thing. Practice saying the words about sex that she needs to hear. Lock yourself in the bathroom and tell the mirror. It's OK if you blush. Start with words move up to sentences.
FA
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (27 April 2009):
Yes it will be obvious if you start buying her flowers... but if she is threatening to leave you then you need to be as obvious as you possibly can.
Buy her flowers TODAY.
We women don't need you to take us to Paris in a hot air balloon.
Just wait till you next see her doing the washing up or something and go up and give her a kiss and a squeeze and say "I always think you are beautiful. I'm sorry I've never said it out loud. I thought you knew."
It's the littlest things that make the biggest difference.
Hold doors for her, ask her about her day, hold her hand when you are out together, make sure you always go and find her and give her a kiss when you come in from work.
When was the last time you REALLY kissed her and it wasn't during sex and foreplay? Kissing is great. It's such a connection so just smile, tell her she's gorgeous, meet her eyes and kiss her as though you are doing it for the first time.
You are right in that you shouldn't do this all at once so make sure you do at least 2 sweet things for her every week, like offering her a nice back rub after a shower with some moisturiser or picking her up a box of chocolates / flowers / silly key ring / anything.
Also, try and see if your kids want to go off on a sleep over at their friends house or off on a movie night if they are old enough.
Pick up all their friends, take them to the cinema, then take your wife for 2 hours in a nice restaurant / home for hot sex before picking them up again.
Make sure you have some proper alone time with her every now and then so you can get whipped cream all over the living room and not have to worry about being walked in on.
Please don't worry about being cheesy and obvious. She's TOLD you to do this stuff so if you don't do some of the obvious stuff then she's going to think you don't care.
Pick her up some flowers on the way home and use them as an icebreaker to tell her how much you love her and how things are going to be different.
She just needs to know that you love her.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (27 April 2009):
 It will only feel fake to her if it feels fake to you. If you are earnestly trying to earn back her love with compliments, flowers, dates, and attention, it will make a difference. The most important thing is not about how much money you spend (you know what they say - you can't buy love), but how much thought comes from your heart. Writing her a little love note on a Post-It and leaving it on the mirror for her to find when she wakes up is just as romantic as a diamond necklace.
Go for long walks together. It is a great way to talk to each other and just enjoy being together. It's very romantic. And when you're talking, if things start to get messy and you see a fight coming on, spot it before it happens and steer things in a different direction. Be attentive to your conversations together so that you can fix the communication issues. Check out "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" - it may feel like a hokey book, but it is filled with a LOT of great advice that can really help you with the way you communicate in your marriage.
Good luck!!
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