A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met my ex on a dating site after a few months of chatting. We decided to meet our first date went very and end up dating. For nearly a year all was going well until I went out one nightI was raped was a virgin. After that I went through a very rough patch, me and my ex remained friends and he helped me a lot that was last Year now the ex wants to get back with me but I've changed, I don't know if it because of what happened or the love has gone But I don't want to be with him, we gave it another go a few months ago and I wasn't happy so called it off, now he saying if I don't get back with him his life isn't worth living and he's pushing me to get back with him but I really don't want to but I don't want him to do anything to hurt himself I'm so confused.To make matters worse I'm in love with another man who loves me but he is married, I didn't know he was married and haven't even kissed him as I don't want to do anything to jeopardise his marriage but I love him so much... I'm so confused.
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female
reader, curious0hot  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 I don't think you should get back with your ex, because of guilt. I think you should get together with his friends and/or family to get him help. What he said was scary, and shouldn't be ignored.
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (1 February 2010):
 I'm gonna ask...did you go through counseling after you were raped? Even if you feel like you're ok now being raped does a couple of things to a woman. It makes you feel like you have no control over your happiness and it takes your self esteem away. Both of these left untreated will cause you to put yourself in unhealthy relationships. Being raped does take away your self respect. It shouldn't because it wasn't your fault but it does.
Regarding the man who you do not love and whom you do not want to be with....this is your choice. Do not be with him. Don't let him guilt you into a relationship (and he can do this because remember, you do not feel like you have control). And if you seriously think he is a threat to himself, call the suicide hot line on him or call his sister, mother, brother. He is NOT your responsibility.
Too bad you fell for the unavailable married man. If you continue to pursue him your self esteem will continue to plummet. I know it's hard but really, this man is not available and he will only make you feel bad, unloved, etc.
Talk to someone about your rape. Make sure you are no longer feeling responsible or that you do not have control in your life. Take a little break from relationships and figure out what you want. The right man will come along and he won't be the one pressuring you for a relationship out of guilt and he will be available to treat you like a queen.
Good things are coming your way. I just know it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 February 2010):
I am sorry that you suffered so badly.
First of all, this ex of yours just isn't the right guy. You have changed, and the love isn't there. It is very wrong of him to try and emotionally blackmail you into going back out with him. So don't do it. Remember that if he does do something to himself, that it is of his own doing, and nothing to do with you. He has his choices to make, and he makes them alone. You have yours to make. Don't go back out with him.
As for this married man, I suspect he seemingly offers some sort of security to you. Perhaps he is more mature and older, and just seems like a 'safe' guy. I'm not sure you do love him, I think it's more likely that you are infatuated because he just offers security.
At this moment, after what you have been through, it's important that you focus on your own life. Having a guy around isn't going to make you feel less confused at the moment. You would do better to focus on yourself, focus on a career and your life. There is a wonderful unmarried guy out there for you. Spend time finding yourself for now, then when you meet that guy, you won't be confused at all. All the best.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (1 February 2010):
1: You are NOT responsable for the happiness of another. He needs to find his own reasons to be happy and to go on living. Him telling you that if you won't be with him, his life isn't worth living is a low tactic to emotionally manipulate you into doing what he wants. That manipulation will not end when you say yes. Tell him that you do not feel for him what he wants you to, and no amount of pretending will change that. Wish him luck, happiness, and be his friend, but do not give in to that sort of pressure.
2: leave the married man alone. I don't care how tragic your experience, nor how strongly you may feel about him, he's made his choice, and you would do well to tell yourself that! If you care about him, respect the choice he made. Moving forward with a married man will NEVER do anything but hurt him in the long run. You have no chance of real happiness with him, and much rick of a great deal more pain than even you, after your truly tragic and haunting experience could possibly imagine.
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