A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, i love him very much even though he hits me on a regular basis, I'm 17 he is 23 so when he does this to me i cant stand up for myself because hes too strong, i cant leave him because i have no one else to go to, my mums dead, iv never met my father and i have no siblings, i have friends but they are busy with their own lives.One of my friends knows that he hits me, and she has begged me to leave him, but i love him and i have no one else. he has already told me "you cant leave me cause you have no one, and no one loves you". my arms, back and legs are covered in bruises. i know your going to say "go to the police" but you dont understand what he would do to me. The other night was when i finally reached breaking point, he came home drunk, slapped me and put his fag out all over my arm... I cant take much more i feel trapped. he used to be so nice, he aint the boy i fell in love with, i find it hard to accept that what hes doing to me is wrong, he makes me believe its all my fault. after he always says sorry and promises to change but he never does, hes been hitting me for a year now, hes all i have, im feeling so alone. a boy on my estate has always liked me, and hes starting to pick up on what my boyfriend has been doing to me as he seen him hit me when he walked past our house... hes worried for me, my boyfriend has warned him off, my boyfriend said he wont ever let anyone else have me. I used to be happy confident, now i aint, i cant wear make-up, im not allowed a phone, i cover up in baggy clothes, i never used to. i have no one to turn to, right now im using my friends computer, please can you give me some advice, and is this all my fault... if my mum was here she would be here for me, she died a year ago, i miss her so much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): Amen.. good luck babes, you are important, and you deserve more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): thank you so much for the update, and words cannot express how thankful that i am that you are sofe. be safe and be careful. be strong and courageous...mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi guys just thought i would let you know that im now safe. i took my belongings and left when he was at work. im currently staying in a womens refuge far away from him. the only thing i have to do now is report him to the police, my friend is doing it for me as i cant face doing that...those helpline numbers helped alot, and im so thankful that you all took the time just to write these messages, although i am still afraid, but i feel alot better, thanks so much x
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female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (19 November 2009):
 Hi Hunny
I have been were you are now I understand, You must find help hunny..I no you say you havent got anyone I understand but you have your friend who is worried and she is worried for good reason..Im sending you help lines
http://www.refuge.org.uk/getHelpNow.html
http://www.victimsupport.org.uk/
I got help from victim support and they were and still are wonderful without them I dont know where I would be...
you descibed the feeling that I felt I went from a very confident young woman to a very scared shell of myself, I lost so much weight that I looked anorexic and I had children to look after and try to hide all this from...Sweetheart do not allow this to continue you are so much stronger than you can possibly think, I went on like this for 6yrs everyday fearing Id say or do the wrong thing, Untill I started to become stronger...Please Please get help, This person is using you to gain power!!!He is weak without your strength he needs you more than you need him..Love does not behave this way.....
I got out with my life JUST! You are strong do not put up with this, He may threaten you and you may feel alone this is what he wants..You are not alone, Please phone one of these numbers all of these numbers and get the help you so desperatly need NOW! You have many on your side here and many who care PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE N PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): i have nothing to add that hasnt been said...except that i will lose sleep over this post. I do believe in prayer and i have never said this to anyone before on dc but i wlll be praying for you. i am a mother, and as such i know your mother would be heart broken. She would want you to be safe....please if nothing else do it for her memory. Just run. Better for you to be safe with nothing than for you to have all of your belongings and dead. Or Permanently damaged. oh babycakes please listen to us and get out. love, mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for caring, he made me believe that no one cares. i want to pack my things and go when hes out of the house but i cant because hes the suspicious type. my friend is letting me use her phone to ring some of these help lines, thanks so much for giving them to me, this is a big step for me to do, and im afraid, but i know deep down i have to leave him thats why im writing on here for advice. my friends are here for me and if they could they would let me live with them but i cant as he knows all of my friends and where they live, i go to my friends when hes at work, i have had so many chances to leave but i never did, but now maybe i have to. i did have a job but he didnt like me going so i had to quit, and he cut my long blonde hair short so now i dont have any confidence. i am going to try and leave him when the time is right, im thinking of just leaving and not taking any of my stuff with me. its nice to feel that people do care, thanks so much.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (19 November 2009):
 I used to work on a domestic violence project so I have heard of many women in the same situation as yourself. You are not alone, family violence is at epidemic proportions across the world but is often not spoken about. There are lots of services out there for you as the victim, and him as the abuser. I would say you have to leave - you say you 'love' him and if this is true then you will leave for his sake. By staying you are sending him a clear message that is behaviour is ok and acceptable. He is using physical violence to control you. As a 17 year old orphan then social services have a responsibility towards you as you are still a child in the eyes of the law. All you have to do is walk into a social services department and make yourself known to the 'child in need' or 'child protection' team. Otherwise walk into your local accident and emergency hospital department for treatment of injuries and request to see the duty social worker or duty health visitor. Such people exist in hospitals to help girls such as yourself. They deal with many cases of child abuse/ domestic violence and won't judge you.
Your partner is mentally disturbed and needs professional assistance from a special programme for domestic violence abusers. It is often provided through the criminal justice system in the UK to treat abusers for their aggression and abnormal pattern of thinking (i.e. thinking violence in the family is ok). If a professional works with him then he may improve, otherwise he will continue to pick on vulnerable women such as yourself throughout his life. He is a coward and deeply insecure - he abuses your vulnerability to keep you under his control. He demoralises you because he thinks if your self esteem gets better then you will leave him and in his eyes you are his 'property'.
It doesn't sound as if you have a lot keeping you around the area where you live. So, with the help of social services why don't you ask to be moved to another area and start a new life by going to college or finding an apprenticeship. They won't put you in foster care as there are plenty of half-way houses for adolescents - independent housing with professionals on hand when you need them. Don't stay, the violence will get worse and he may end up killing you.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (19 November 2009):
 My heart is just breaking for you. No one deserves this.
You DO need to get away from him, and go to the police, and press charges. You don't want me to tell you to go to the police, because he's threatened you. I know that you're be afraid, but you have to be strong. If you don't go to the police, you're in danger. Furthermore, if he isn't locked up, then others are in danger as well. He's dangerous. He'll hurt anyone smaller or weaker. My heart is breaking that he's hurting you, but you CAN go to the police. Get this guy to go with you, or one of your friends, or maybe a pastor or teacher. What if he, God forbid, has children in the future, and he hurts them? Who will protect them or stand up for them? What if he abuses an animal, that can't talk or go for help?
That other aunt is right, what if he ends up killing you? Your life is in danger, if you stay with him. I don't want to frighten you but I feel like I can help you best by making you see this clearly.
He belongs in prison... and I seriously hope that he'll get what he deserves there. The other inmates will kick his ASS, because even convicts HATE domestic abusers.
You don't deserve this living hell of a life.
I'm so sorry about your mom, by the way. You do have people that care about you, don't let him bully you. This is NOT your fault. You need to go to the police, though, to protect yourself and other innocents.
There is an organization called the Samaritans, and they're located in Britain, I think:
www.samaritans.org
They're a secular organization but they're just for people in crisis.
Don't believe him when he says no one loves you; Look at us, we're complete strangers and WE want to help you.
You say that your friends are busy with their own lives, but I'm sure that you have TRUE friends. Just because they're busy with their own lives doesn't mean that they don't care about you!!! They're your FRIENDS!!!! That's what friends are for.
If one of my friends were being abused, I would want my friend to turn to me for help. Your friends don't want anything to happen to you... they would much rather that you turn to them for help, than wind up dead.
Please, please go to the police, and press charges.
Best of luck... please keep in touch with us.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): baby gurl im 35 i been thru that, get away,i wish i could help. go 2 a shelter and get your own home if need b, it just gets worse thats not love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): first you should got o a therapist ((im nto saying your crazy)) im saying that you need to get yourself away from him and therapy might help. an dif you cant get away from him learn some self-defense moves so you can properly defend yourself then after that call the police he cant get to you if hes in jail honey. i wish you the best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): Oh my goodness, I feel so sorry for you you poor thing. I know it sounds impossible right now but you must know, that you HAVE to get away from him - at some point, before he hurts you really bad. This is not a relationship - this is abuse, and you are practically his slave. What he is doing is illegal, and immoral and you have to believe that you deserve (EVERYBODY deserves!) to be treated with respect and dignity. I'm not a professional but I seriously suggest that you speak to one as soon as you can and get some advice from someone who has dealt with situations such as these before and will understand your predicament. There are ways around this - there are ways that people can protect you - You have managed to use your friend's computer so I would suggest that you ask to use a friend's phone and call one of the following helplines for women that are experiencing violence at home - the people on the line will be able to advice you what to do and will have lots of experience of speaking to people in your situation. Remember - you are not alone, hundreds of women are subjected to domestic violence and bullying by their partners - but you must not put up with it and you must never blame yourself - think about what your mum would want you to do to protect yourself. Be brave and call one of these numbers - they are helplines for women experiencing domestic violence. Refuge 0808 2000 247Domestic Violence helpline (England) 0808 2000 247Women's domestic violence helpline 0161 636 7525Women's Aid 0808 2000 247They are usually free to call and some will be open 24 hours. Good luck and look after yourself
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female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (19 November 2009):
 First off, none of this is your fault! He is a bully, what he is doing to you is called domestic violence. The guy will make the girl believe that she is nothing without him and she won't have anyonee if she leaves.I will say go to the police, because they're the only people who can help you, if you don't want to go yourself, couldn't you ask a friend to go for you? I know you say your friends have their own lives to get on with, but if they're your real friends, they will be there for you through this, no matter what.Do you have any friends that your boyfriend doesn't know about, or at least doesn't know where they live? If so, ask your this friend if you can stay at her house for a few nights, go to the police and stay with your friend until you find out from the police that you are safe. I can understand it's hard to believe, but they will know how to handle this situation. Whatever you do, you need to seek professional help! There are a lot of organisations these days to help girls/women like you. This page may be able to help you: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/Please keep us updated, good luck x x xP.S. if you ever need anyone you can talk to, feel free to message me (I'm 17 too)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): awww hunny, he shouldnt be doing this to you, i really feel for you as you have no one else. i know you said you cant but i really think you should go to the police, if you tell them you have no family, they might be able to sort something for you. you say you dont know what he'll do to you if you go to the police, but if you dont get out of this violent relationship now he could end up killing you. you have evidence such as fag burns and bruises on your body so you should be ok. how could you love a man who does this to you hun? your only 17 hes older than you and he thinks hes got power over you. and it sounds as if your still grieving over your mums death, you must be going through a tough time. dont take your life over this violent control freak, there are helplines you can ring to get help and escape this violence. please im telling you now, get out of this or you will end up dead, many women have ended up dead due to violent partners. dont listen to this selfish man when he says no one loves you, and that no one can have you, he dont own you, and from what i read in this story i am very sad that a young girl like you is going through this. please get help and report him, you deserve better. im a young boy myself, im also 17 but i really feel for you as i seen my mum go through this. please take my advice... take care x
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