A
female
age
36-40,
*ost12
writes:I just can not get the thought of my boyfriend cheating out of my head. In May 2011 he started lying to me http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-suspect-my-bf-is-cheating-and-need.html It is now January and i still can not move on. I love him and i want to believe he didn't do anything with this "girl" but i always get the horrible feeling in my gut that he has. I really need your help on how to trust him again. I have asked repeatedly for him to tell me the truth and i always get the same story from him. But i just don't believe him. I wish he hadn't deleted the text between them so i could see what they were up to, but he did and there is no way he can get them back. I have even asked the "girl" herself through messages but she didn't get back to me.Last Thursday we broke up (i ended it) because i feel like i am going mad. But i couldn't let him go so we are now back together. We live together and i can not imagine my life without him.Can i please have some advice/help with how to trust him again, if that is possible.....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2012): You have self esteem issues, not trust issues. He has cheating issues so of course you can't trust him to be faithful to you.
How could you gain trust in him? Well, you can have an open relationship so he doesn't have to hide the other girls anymore. You'll just have to let go of this expectation that he'll not cheat and come to terms with being with a guy who can't keep it in his pants.
A
female
reader, LovelyLemon  +, writes (25 January 2012):
 I've been with a cheater and felt like even though what he did was awful, I couldn't live without him. This is not the case. I got fed up and left him, and now I am happily with a partner that would never hurt me like that.You deserve much better, hun. It might hurt now, but knowing that your partner is betraying you with no regard to your feelings will cause much more pain in the long run.People do not change unless they want to. Unless this was a one time mess-up and he's not shown any indications of infidelity since the incident, he will probably not change. Take time to love yourself and do what's best for you.Much love and best wishes
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (25 January 2012):
 it sounds like a relationship built on mistrust. you may need to trust your gut feeling and not your heart. if he deleted text it was for a reason, if the other girl want reply back to you it is for a reason. look at his character, he has lied to you before , he has cheated on you. you need to back off if you want to remain with him and observe him. see if he lie's to you, if he continues to cheat, watch his character ( how he acts toward you, and others ). it takes time to gain trust back. you feel like you are going mad because you have an emotional connection with him , and it hurts being apart. just give things a little time to build trust back, go at the relationship slower to see if he will be true to you.
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