A
male
age
36-40,
*onely_boy
writes:hello there..my gf n i juz broke up a month ago from our 3 years relationship..we were very happy, great n a loving couple all dis while when suddenly she wants out..she said dat she couldn't handle my ego nymore n she's lacking in my attention esp dis year..(which i don't think is 100% true)..after living in despair for quite a while (bcoz i really2 luv her n my feelings 4 her are really true), i've decided to get her back in my life for good as im dying wifout her in my life..i've started my research by reading many articles from the internet, i even seek for advices and thoughts from others, juz to pick myself up and motivate myself to get her back..but as they all said, truth hurts..i found out a week after we broke up from herself that rite now she's seeing dis one particular guy whom she knew 2 weeks before we broke up (which i think could play some part in the destruction of our relationship)..she's spending time with him, texting, calling each other, basically juz bonding wif each other..she also said the vibe n passion wif dat guy is burning just like wut both of us used to experienced early in our relationship..n she even mentioned that both of us (me and dat guy) have d same qualities that can charm her...she even gave dat guy her car for his use, she even followed dat guy to his college gathering, his friend's bday party...yeah it really hurts, frustrating, dissapointing, angry, etc..but all i could do in front of her is smile..(although i really wonder if she knows how i feel seeing her wif other guy cos she also said dat she could get really hurt if she sees me wif other lady one day..)and at some point, she said dat she still luves me, still misses me, n she's more comfortable by being wif me rather than that guy..but she said, time will tell if we could ever get back together..wut i couldn't ustand is dat even though she said dat, but she's still spending more time wif dat guy rather than me..!!!..im lacking in opportunities n chances to actually have a proper date or even to call n text her in order for me get her back...sometimes i even felt like im being used or she juz don't want to hurt/offense my feelings if she said dat she's wif dat guy now..n sometimes she treated me (in person and thru fon) quite ok although not like we used to have...but sometimes she treated me like im just another stranger or scumbag by the roadside..esp wif her tone..im really in luv wif her n i know she felt d same way too but she's juz hiding it in order for her to b strong..(for wut purpose, i don't know)so here are my questions..a)if there's a person out there who could help me get her back in terms of step-by-step guide or aything, i would be very thankful..(i've tried so many tips but it's juz not working..)b)is there any free guide/tips/step-by-step on the internet subject to this matter...(for free of course as i don't have a credit card to purchase e-books thru online)c)it would be very great to know advices n thoughts from u guys..(but please don't say i hv to move on as i don't want to..coz my goal is to get her back..)tq u guys..really hope u guys can help me on this..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Yes, there are ways to HELP you fight an uphill battle in trying to increase your chances of winning your girlfriend back, but at the end of the day, it pretty much boils down to her.
Right, first of all, give her that pair of wings and let her have her freedom. I know I know, that hurts and all that jazz, but trust me, the more you restraint her by constantly contacting her, the more she will be thinking how lucky she is to have left you! Its never easy watching and listening to her rambling on about her new marvellous guy, so what you need to do is, STOP LISTENING! Dont call her at all, let her do the calling up if she wants to talk to you. And when she does, talk to her calmly, dont rush and don't sound like a dog wagging its tail, ever eager to please. If she decides to go off on one of her fantasy guy stories, tell her that although you don't intend to be rude, that you have no intentions of listening to her ramble on about her guy.
Once you cut all contact with her (never make the first move, always let her do it!), you need to get out there and flirt with as many women as possible. Now two things can happen when you do this. First, when you're out there pulling, you're actually getting the word around that you're an attractive and appealing man. Have you ever seen that one guy whos always been surrounded by girls even though he isn't the best looking one? Well, this is because women are attracted to what other women are attracted to, if that makes sense. When one woman finds you attractive, soon others will follow as they tend to notice you more than the average person. And when this happens, you'll be sure that the word will get around to your ex girlfriend. You want this to happen as you want her to miss having you around and make her realise what she is actually missing by letting you go! And secondly, you never know, you might meet another lovely lady who really wants to be with you and you with her. Two birds with one stone.
Begging, grovelling, crying are all things you do when you're feeling desperate, and desperation is the biggest turnoff for women. Women love men who have self confidence, who knwos what they want in life and takes it and who takes charge. Behave like a man, and you will see differences. Give her a chance to miss your presence, if you call her everyday, you're taking that away from her. Realise that this doesnt necessarily mean your ex coming running back to you in 2 months. For some it doesnt work, for some, like a charm. But what I do know is, if you continue the way you are with her, you'll have no chance at all.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Firstly there are no step by step guides that can help you - all the ones that claim to help you to do this are just scams and are trying to take your money.
What you need to know that every situation is different and no one guide can help your particular situation.
From what you have said she has basically left you and jumped into a new relationship with some other guy because she is missing the newness and spark in the relationship that she felt when you first met. If she thinks it is possible to maintain this through a long term relationship she is sadly mistaken. She will soon find with the new guy that the spark wears off, just as it did with you, and then she will jump ship again to the next man that comes along.
And if she said she wouldnt be happy if she saw you with another woman, this just makes it clear to me she is using you. She is having her fun with the new guy, and she wants to keep you as back up in case things go wrong. She is playing games with you and you should run a mile!
But if you are certain you want her back then you need to talk to her - turn up at her house, call her, email her, whatever you need to do. Explain to her that you are sorry for not making her happy and want to give it another go. If she says yes, then you will be happy and all is good. If she says no, at least you tried and now know where you stand. Then you just have to accept this and move on!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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