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Will he wait for me? What if this was my only chance and I've lost him for good?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Long distance, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 March 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *arma writes:

Hi I have never really done anything like this but here goes. I was with my boyfriend for over 2 years and during that time we went through a termination because we were at uni. It hit me hardest. We broke up oct 08 and it was hard but i realised I had troubles because of it and so I am seeing a counsellor. I thought he really didnt want anything to do with me then in january he emailed me because I was out of the country saying he was sorry and that he wanted to give things another go. So when I came back we tried again but this time it was difficult because he had moved back home. We ended things on my birthday because even though I am coming to terms with the termination I hate myself so much I dont think I am anything special I think he can find someone better. I told him I have to be selfish because he cant love me when I dont love myself. He said he understood.

He says he still loves me and always will but Im scared because he came back to me and gave us anther chance. I feel I have ruined everything and he is going to camp america and then to canada for a bit what if he wont wait for me to get better. What if this was my only chance and ive lost him for good.

Please any help would be much appreciated

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A female reader, Larma United Kingdom +, writes (9 March 2009):

Larma is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I know he went out last night so I text him angry and said why havent you replied about my bday card. NOTHING. Clearly he doesnt really love. I was so angry and I kept thinking he was with some girl, thhis hot girl. So yesterday morning I sent him an angry email. Nothings back so this morning at 3.30am tried ringing him he picked up then hung up. He really doesnt want me I have ruined everything I thought he understood I needed to sort myself out I thought he loved me I thought he really would wait for me. He doesnt does he doesnt have any of those things for me. I hate myself so much. If he is just going to ignore me I wish he would just say I DONT LOVE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE. But he hasnt he is such a coward. On wednesday I thought there was something still there when he said he didnt want to say I love you cos he didnt know if it would help me so he wasnt going to NOW. Even if there was a chance I have just ruined it all havent I. He hates me. He doesnt want anything to do with. I wish I had been stronger and left him alone. I hate myself so much. I dont know what to do to make things right. What can I do????????????????

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A female reader, Larma United Kingdom +, writes (7 March 2009):

Larma is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I told him yesterday that i guess ive ruined everything and that if he still wants to give us a go he can get in touch with me in a month. The thing is I dont think he will. He is going out tonight so i guess he will get with some girl.

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A female reader, Larma United Kingdom +, writes (6 March 2009):

Larma is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi just wanted to update you quickly that even though I am really optimistic about seeing a counsellor. My ex doesnt seem to be bothered about me anymore he just says he cant do anything about it i need to sort it out. Also on monday when we broke up he said he would send my a bday card even though we werent together. He said he would place vouchers in there cos we were supposed to be having a day out shopping for my bday. That card hasnt arrived. Its not the vouchers it was just the card that mattered to me but it hasnt arrived. I told him by text and he didnt reply so obviously he didnt send anything why say he did. Now I just think he doesnt love me or care. We only ended on monday and it already seems he doesnt bother. From someone who emailed me when I was away saying he loved me and wanted me back to someone who is like this. Feel low just feel like he doesnt care I feel like nothing to him. Just like I felt during our relationship. I told him today I have probably ruined everything. so I have made a promise to not bother him again if he can be like this to me.

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A female reader, Larma United Kingdom +, writes (6 March 2009):

Larma is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Just to update you I saw a counsellor yesterday and I didnt find her at all helpful it is her own private practise and she said that I should go see my doctor and go on anti depressants and on sick benefit. I dont think I need to be so drastic. She said I shouldnt be working but I want to work and this is the first time in 4 years I have been unemployed. I personally think I will get worse if I do not work. So I found another counsellor who seemed to actually listen to me she was much better and understood alot more. Feel much better that I have started to do something about it all she made me see a few things: ie my bf loved me or else he would not have come back. He hasnt spoken to me since we spoke online and I was starting to panick ALOT but you know what we said we wouldnt speak for a month. Its not that he doesnt love me he just wants me to sort myself out. Its been 5 days since we came to the decision to split and its been a long 5 days. I am still hoping with all my being he will wait and like you said some guys dont just move on. He must have seen something special in me to have come back and i hope that whatever that is doesnt go so that we can be together properly with no barriers just me and him for good this time.

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A female reader, Larma United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2009):

Larma is verified as being by the original poster of the question

No I wouldnt rather he be rude. Just I know the only thing keeping me from lettinghim be close to me is me. I get scared and push him away. In the end I know I will feel better about myself but it wont stop me from loving him and wanting to be with him. I saw the conversation last night as a ray of hope, it i saw it as he still loves me and he is still there now i know it was because he was doing what was right

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A female reader, Larma United Kingdom +, writes (5 March 2009):

Larma is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Your advice has been so helpful. Hey just wanted to let you know that I have found myself a new counsellor one that will hopefully help me with my self esteem issues.

I went online last night to see if I could speak to someone because I felt lonely on my own. He was online and because we said we were going to not speak so i could focus on me I was about to exit when he started to speak to me. It was good he said he understood. I told him I missed him, he said he missed me. I said I needed to put my full attention on myself. He said im glad ur doing something about it. your more pro-active about it than you were before.

I did tell him that I love him and he said "listen i dont want to say that i love you to.coz i dont no whether its gunna help u or not. so il just say nothing for now". I hope this is a good sign but when my friend saw it she just said he was doing it out of decency.

now I getting worried again. Maybe I just shouldnt listen to my friends. He didnt have to speak to me? It is so hard to stay positive and optimistc that I am going to sort myself out and he will be there afterwards when people make me doubt myself.

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A female reader, Larma United Kingdom +, writes (4 March 2009):

Larma is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He said that I have to have time away from him so I sort myself out. So right now he doesnt want to be with me. I wish that he would give me another chance. He says he still and always will love me. I have been thinking and you know I have realised stepping back he does love me he never once shown otherwise. But because I am so down on myself I made myself believe he didnt. I have hurt him again maybe he would be better without me. He knows I have issues and I am sacred he will give up on me before I have addressed them. Thank you for your support I have no one to speak to I have felt so lost and alone recently

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A female reader, Larma United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2009):

Larma is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I want to send as much time with him as possible but because of the way I feel I end up causing arguments cos I dont think im good enough. So we are leaving it a month so I can get my head around my issues. He knows he cant help me with them. So now do you think he wont want to try again?

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A female reader, Larma United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2009):

Larma is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for you post. I have told him where he stands I have told that I want things to work. He said he felt guilty for getting in touch too soon before I was ready. I am so scared I have lost him I keep telling him I love him but cant be with him. I think he is getting annoyed so we have both decided to not speak for a month so I can focus on me. He text me saying to keep well and that he would be thinking of me x. I love him so much

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