A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:[MODERATOR NOTE: Four different posts from the same person have been combined into one.]Iv been in an on/off relationship for 2 years.I recently came to realise that he basically loved the control he had over me.He has no respect, puts me down a lot and has made my self esteem extremely low. He has told me that i will never meet anyone as nice as him and that nobody will stay with me once they get to know me.Because my old boyfriend also dumped me, im petrified that hes right. Im very insecure which i know makes me a bad girlfriend but he has made me worse.I told him to leave me alone the other day and he said he loved me and wanted to stay with me,When me and my boyfriend have sex he never looks at me. He closes his eyes and turns away. He watches porn alot and looks at pictures of other girls in bikinis on the internet.Im not a bad looking girl at all, and i give him regular sex (twice a day).Does it mean he doesnt find me attractive if he doesnt look at or kiss me during sex?I feel as if he is imagining that i am another woman and it really hurts. Iv spoken to him about this and he says im being 'pathetic'Earlier today i found out he has been messaging other girls and finished ot with him for good. He just said 'ok whatever dont call me again'How can be strong and move on without going back, because im scared that he s going to destroy my self esteem completely!please help!! x x xI cant believe he has so little respect for me after i have given him so much love and he knows mw so well. Normally i would call and beg him to come back but i think this needs to end before he destroys me.Please help me be strong and advice on how to not contact him :-( x x x
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female
reader, lola16182  +, writes (18 November 2009):
He's verbally abusive! I went out with someone just like that. They degrade you to the point that they get you feeling so low about yourself that you won't have the power to leave, and then they can just keep treating you like crap.
You are a really strong person to be able to make the decision you did!
I agree with the other poster, make up a list of all the cons about him, whether its his behaviour, things he has said or done to you, even things you noticed like if he was disrespectful to his parents or anything. I did that and everytime I felt weak I read it.
Think about the fact that you don't deserve to go through that for the rest of your life. Would you honestly be happy living with THAT?
Not only is he treatin you like crap, he is off messaging other girls. That there proves he does not have ANY respect for you. He is using you.
The best way to not contact him is delete him from everything, delete his number, MSN, Facebook etc. If you feel weak maybe have a friend that you can call when you feel like you want to call/see him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2009): don't give in to him... he obviously does things he knows bother you to manipulate you. Don't fall for it! He is using you, sorry to say that but it's the truth. I know you deserve better and you will meet someone better who will treat you right and appreciate you. You said you are not bad looking and I highly believe you. But he also said he loves you...so when someone loves you why would they use looks to their advantage?? I don't think looks matter where there is love. Sorry to say this but he doesn't love you. He just wants to have you there while he's seeing other girls, just in case things don't work out he can go back to you. Ways you can stop yourself from going back to him is by changing your phone number, and deleting his #, or forget his # if you have it memorized. Cut all contact and with him. And don't look for him, please! If he ever looks for you, and tries to brain wash you into believing he can be better, can change, or loves you, etc... don't fall for it. More than likely they will all be lies. Just tell him not to look for you anymore if he does look for you and tell him you have moved on even if you haven't. Chances are he won't try to get back with you if you tell him you have moved on. Stay strong and make it believable...be serious and don't show weakness. Also, if he wants to be friends tell him you're happier without him. Trust me, you will be happier without him!!! Sooner or later... :) No matter what you do, he will never change his ways and along the way besides being verbally abusive to you, he will wind up hurting you(hitting you). Trust me, I was in a relationship like the one you mentioned. It will not work and you just need to move on and put yourself first. My self-esteem was very high, i was a very healthy, happy, great personality and always looked at things in a positive way... but I am not that way anymore because of that abusive relationship I was in. It's really hard to build up your self-esteem once someone you loved hurt you so bad, repeatedly. I'm working my way up, hoping i'll be okay. I want to be the way I used to so that I can be happy, because my low self-esteem is making me miserable. Get away from this guy!
I care about your situation, because I lived it!
your friend, xxxxx
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