A
female
age
,
*nbroadway
writes:Hello: I was dating a guy who's religion was Jehovah's Witnesses, we only dated a short while he told me a little after we started dating, we dated when my daughter was younger and he had joined them.Ok here yesterday I call he tells me the relationship wasn't going to work his religion ok about 8:30 calls he was sorry for what he said and you don't always find somebody special like me he wanted to move in this week be better then what he was going through I was glad,Ok calls today here we go relationship off again his religion and he can't do both, well you have for as long as we were going together. I had a problem I was going through with someone and I am working on fixing it, still ok I had always said don't tell him but did. well something happened last Sunday night and I told him when he called Monday, calls put the realtionship on hold i had a miserbable week Thursday i call he calls back, everything fine he spent Friday night with me.Now i have said if he should come with something again. ok pack your things be at the door his mom moved in with him after she had shoulder surgery and I do wonder is she a big influence on him he's grown his he playing games, he's too old! Ok I am tired this is 2 weeks now I am going to have another misebarable week, I cried so hard yesterday off and on today some,How do I deal with this breakup? Let's get together again thing he's very confused one problem and if mom is an influence... I don't know she had 7 children and he's the youngest boy, one son passed away.To me most men would have been at my door maybe last night to me usually you can't put up with something it's bad an if possible you leave get out I moved after living at home for a long time, most women have been married I have a 16 year old handicapped daughter. I was everybody my foster mom couldn't babysit that well her health wasn't the best so I did the cooking and washing etc I can no longer work due to my daughter. My niece liked to go out my nephew and his wife and leave their daughter sometimes the weekend and they wanted to come home next morning I got tired.You are taking 5 to 6 kids I got tired hated to leave. My foster mom my half sister moved in with her at the time my foster mom and dad both have passed away and I do enjoy living out on my own. Please give me some advice I do not won't any rude replies. onbroadway
View related questions:
living at home, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, onbroadway +, writes (18 May 2009):
onbroadway is verified as being by the original poster of the question Dear Irish: Thank you for writing time was always a problem with me when it came to my ex and I do feel he has that close attachment to his mother it was most time I got to go clean up for her and he sometimes does things for her friends.Their living arrangement he says that's his apartment and had mentioned he wanted to move out first was June now wait until he's finished school in mid August so i had got confused, because if I am going to clean my apartment I said I got to clean the apartment he would I got to go get those towels cleaned for mom etc.I could support the religion but not her I met her invited my daughter and I to dinner 2 weeks ago she's nice liked my daughter a lot now when I left she fixed me some banana pudding to bring home talking said I am looking for wedding bells I just smiled and she did too.What was that all about this is my first time in your house slow down you mentioned should he come back have a talk what if he gets offensive he is complicated and confused how good he is when say say he has a really hard decision to make or face oh he probably goes to mom and does he whatever she says that's what he does.I have had problems with my ex who I have been broke up with for 2 years he's my daughter's father I thought that was our problem I didn't won't to tell Geno about him but did I do not like drama either well I have to wake up every day please don't let him come and make a scene should he and I am going to have to call the police now he doesn't but if he's been drinking or maybe smoking something don't know.Geno put our relationship on hold last Monday after I told him Sunday night what happened Irish even though I said I am going to talk to my manger and the police have his name etc I still got to call or write her she has 3 other places besides ours so I was upset all last week Thursday things got better.Geno mom spent the night here In Roanoke where I live they live in Vinton well 8:55 he called and did come over spent the night left 6A.M.at first no I will come tomorrow that was the second time we only went together 5 weeks.True I can't take the pain I cant think straight and my daughter is 16 and handicapped she has downe's syndrome the milder kind I can't sleep but I am this week I find myself looking bad and why did he call and say he wanted to leave them along and move in with me sup-pose to been tomorrow or Wednesday pulled in 2 directions he's been married.But he's divorced lived out of town he's from the Bronx in New York I think and I sorry he would be better with his own palace again he lived with mom first time we dated and we dated 8 months and he wasn't a Jehovah Witness thank god.You have me confused talk to him then don't call him or allow him to call me what if the phone rings it's him don't answer I can't work and that's why this breakup is hard too yes I have the tv computer things to do but still I only go when I have to which ain't often my daughter is gone from between 7:40 to 7:55 until between 4:10 4:20 a long day to be home by myself her bus schedule changed 2 weeks ago.How do you see Geno you won't say it but a mamma's boy he's very quite laid-back and he sure don't need the wild woman how do you think he is at school to me keeps to himself quite is he going why did I start thinking that was a lie. Oh Well it's over now his mom should stop because I don't wont wont your son to get a woman who will use him etc he is a good person his ex wife seemed that type.(Mod Note: Please string up your sentences next time. There is absolutely no need for each line to be on its own. Some punctuation and proper paragraph formatting would be good too.)
A
female
reader, jalmetha +, writes (18 May 2009):
 First of all, let him go. i too am a JW and 2 Corinthians 6:14 says don't become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. and 1Cor 3:18 says Flee from fornication. Every time he thinks of moving in with you, these scriptures are running through his head. He wants to be with your but his conscience won't let him. You ask if his Mom is an influence, according to the scriptures this relationship is wrong for him and his mother is lovingly reminding him so. Make it easy for him, let him go.
Okay, here is when I agree with the previous person. I'm not sure what you are asking because I too got lost in your explanation but I will take a stab at it...
You said that you enjoy living on your own. Do it then. Even though you are on your own, you are used to dealing with your niece, nephew and step parents. Enjoy your freedom with your daughter, take some classes and become a more rounded complete person. Doing this will take your mind off of the breakup and help you recognize relations that wont work before you become too deeply involved. I hope this helps.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): He sounds like a guy, who is feeling pulled in two different directions. One direction, he wants to be with you and the other...he needs to help his Mother. I credit him for staying and helping her. However, is she there to stay? Or is this a temporary care-giving situation?
Sometimes, on the extreme side, some parents develop a special, but very dysfunctional, emotional bond with their children. In this case, I am wondering if his Mother has done this with her son. Is he is her favorite? If he is, then it's tough for you. Because I am not sure if you can ever make him choose between you and her. If you do, she will win and you will lose. Unforunately, very few women can tolerate men who are like this. They see the future and it's not conducive to an independent, happy life, without Mom, in the picture. Don't get me wrong..I think it's great that adult can help their elderly parents, but it's not healthy when an elderly Mom/Dad is a strong influence on their adult child. So strong, that he can't make decisions, purely on his own.
If he's broke it off with you, perhaps you need to time to grieve... heal, recover and try your best to move on. It won't be easy..but it will give you strength to go it alone. Your ex-bf's inability to conduct an adult relationship could be, because of his committment to his religion and Mother. This could spell an unhappy future for you. Unless of course, you are prepared to support his religion and have 'Mom' as a huge, part of his life and yours.
If he happens to come back to you, I think you and he need to have a talk. Don't be rude, be mature and be strong..just tell him that to be an adult means to be independent and to have a life of his own, to make his own decisions. If he has a big , unhealthy attachment to his Mother, this doesn’t usually bode well in a relationship because he’ll probably put her ahead of you, thus damaging your relationship and causing you a lot of hurt. You need to be number one..top priority to make a good, healthy love relationship work well. Mom has to step aside. And as a Mom, she should be willing to do that.
I think he knows he can't give to you, wholly. And actually, based on what you said here in your posting...his break up with you..may be a good thing for you. He sounds complicated, his heart is not with you..it's with his religion and his parent. He's busted up with you a few times and each time, you are in pain. Stop the pain and end this once and for all. Do not call him, do not allow him to contact you. I wish you the best, take care of you and Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): I dont have any specific advice for you. But I would suggest that if you write to dear Cupid again, you try to use more punctuation and write full sentences so it's easier to understand what you are saying. I read through your question but it's honestly really difficult to see what you're saying. Also, when you ask a specific question, then people can answer you specifically. You cant really just say a whole bunch of things that come to mind and then ask for "advice".
...............................
|
