A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a single woman and I'm starting the adoption process. Being a single parent doesn't bother me because I don't need a man to complete me and I was raised by a single father and I always knew I was loved unconditionally - I didn't need a mum because I had an aunt to talk to about certain things. I'd like to adopt a child 4 or under and ethnicity doesn't bother me. I have a name in mind (means a lot to me) and would like to rename the child if they are 2 or under and if they are 3 or 4 I'd ask them if they'd prefer the new name or want to keep their own. I know they're only young and their opinion may change, but I'd still feel the need to ask them. I don't feel like it be "claiming/owning" them by giving them a name of my choice, just like birth parents who keep their child get to, but are the people who say it's selfish and evil right?I don't have an account so you won't get a follow up alert. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 April 2013):
 I don't have any experience with adoption or with changing a child's name. I did rescue a dog and changed his name, but I think that's a very different scenario.
If you are starting the adoption process, why not ask the people who work with adopted children all the time, the ones who have expertise in the field? I'm sure you are not the first person to want to use a specific name and I expect they'll have some guidance as to when and how that would be appropriate and how the child would cope with the new name and identity.
I googled for you:
http://forums.adoption.com/international-special-needs/349973-did-you-change-your-childs-first-name.html
http://forums.adoption.com/foster-parent-support/394234-did-you-change-first-name-after-adoption.html
http://adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=709
http://www.rainbowkids.com/expertarticledetails.aspx?id=38
It appears that it's common enough to change the name, usually apparently, the new parents add the new name as a first name and make the original name the middle name.
Hope this helps!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 April 2013):
 If you adopt then it's your child and you can call it whatever you want. No matter how old the child is, I think it is a good thing that you give it a name that YOU want it to have, as it will be a part of YOUR family. And then maybe keep their first name as a middle name if you want to. But that is up to YOU, not the child. A child of 4 years wouldn't know the meaning of this anyway.
In either case, the children I know of who were adopted didn't speak the same language as the adoptive parents, so there'd be little point in asking the child. The child has way too much else going on to be bothered by a change of name. Honestly, the name would be the least of their concern.
So just give the child a name you want and then be a good parent. Being a good parent is actually about making the best decision in the interest of the child... not asking the child what it wants itself.
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reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (30 April 2013):
OP there are a lot more reasons for wanting a child than the name you call it. There are also many couples that cant have children that probably deserve a young adopted child more. Also its very possible that later you meet someone and change your mind and have your oun children. I have seen this and it has always messed up the adopted child. You have the opportunity to have your own child. If you really want to help an unwanted child then choose an 8 or 10 year old who would really appreciate love and a home. But the name isnt half as important as the person. Good luck.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 April 2013):
 My aunt adopted my cousin - who is like a brother to me. What she did was she kept his given first name as his middle name.
I imagine that you could also give the child a middle name of your choosing, if the child is a bit older and would like to keep their first name. If they already have a middle name, just stick another one in there! That way, your child is keeping a part of their old identity, but gaining a piece of their new identity.
I would probably wait until you and the child have formed a relationship together before you give them a name, particularly if they're not newborns. That way, when you give them a name, the child will be comfortable with you and ready to make you familial bond official. It will be a wonderful memory between the two of you. Don't rush into name-changing if the child is old enough to realize what is going on. I imagine that the child is going through enough! Just wait a bit until you two have gotten secure with each other.
And finally, while I love Cerberus's advice, I do think that not all parents who have given their child up for adoption have just abandoned their child and wouldn't step up and raise it. That makes these birth parents sound like total selfish deadbeats, which might be the case sometimes, but is certainly not all the time. For instance, my cousin was born in Haiti, where women could not afford birth control, it was hardly accessible - even if you did have a little bit of money. My cousin's mother has kept in contact with him for the last 27 years, and it seems that her giving him up, while it was a devastating decision for her, was the very best decision she could have made for my cousin. Life is Haiti was and still is unbearably difficult, and his birthmother lost several children to unspeakable tragedies. That could have been my cousin... but thanks to her courage to give him up for adoption, it wasn't. Now he has a great life, a college education, a wonderful family and a birth mother who is happier than ever that he got everything that he deserved.
Plenty of women are alone, they're scared, and they aren't in a situation in which child-rearing is appropriate, healthy or possible. But instead of getting an abortion, which in many of these situations would be expensive, behind closed doors, possibly illegal and DEFINITELY unsafe - but the easy way out, they choose to go through an entire pregnancy to give their child up for adoption, so that the child might have a chance to find a life that he or she deserves. For me, I guess, I think that's pretty brave.
Anyway - I think it's great that you're adopting. You're courageous yourself! Good luck, and I think that you can find a way to honor both the child's past and their future with you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 April 2013):
 OP when I was born my parents gave me a name that meant a lot to them.
At age 29 I changed my name anyway. My father still calls me by the name he gave me when I was born. (which I answer to even if I hear others use it, but it makes me cringe)
However, he introduces me to new people with the name I prefer and choose to use because while he will never consider me as the name I prefer he respects that I use it.
I hope you can find a child of the correct sex to use the name you wish
I had a couple of girls names I loved but I had boys so I got a dog and named her with my favorite girl name.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2013): "but are the people who say it's selfish and evil right?"
No, those people a stupid pricks.
OP if you want to give what will be your child a new name that you adore and cherish then that is your right to do.
Why people would put so much importance to a name given by a mother that abandoned them or an orphanage doesn't make sense to me.
A new life, with a new mother and a new name and identity. Sounds like a great plan.
Then again if you found say a daughter from Africa and her name in English meant hope or something you may think it think it fits too well it's not like you're demanding this change for any kind of selfish reason. It's just a name and if that child cherishes it then fair enough you can have the name you want given to her as a middle name.
Why wouldn't it be claiming and owning? That's the whole plan here OP, you want to claim this person and own the responsibility of nurturing them and giving them the best life you possibly can. Claiming this child as your own is not some bad thing here and frankly OP fuck any narrow-minded fool who thinks so.
People adopt children all the time and they change that child's name.
If any idiot tries to judge you for renaming a child that was named by a woman who abandoned their child over the one willing to step up and raise it, tell them to piss off.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2013): I don't know about evil.
But I'd imagine it'd be very hard for the child when you start calling them a different name. Everything's going to be new and scary for them already. I don't know if taking away the only familiar thing they have is in their best interests.
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