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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hey all,I have a girlfriend of 16 months and 10 days. We are both virgins and we decided to do it tomorrow. I have been reading posts here and I know the first is not very good. But if we want to have sex again the same day ,is it possible? Will it also hurt? Will it be better?
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male
reader, jharv112  +, writes (9 January 2010):
well, the guy can have sex twice a day, but for girl, it is a totally diffrent story, because it hurts most girls having sex for the first time, and i think after you first experince of sex for the first time trust me you will not want to do it again on the same day, talking about girls.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): Losing your virginity is a precious gift to throw away before you have a committed relationship ... Sex was never intended to be a toy to play with; sometimes it can be foolishly tossed as a weapon to destroy ... On your wedding day, you may just be bringing an 'old salt lick' that has been carelessly sampled by who knows what animal.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): when i lost my viginity - i was really tender for a few days - no one was gonna get near me again until my body felt normal. lol. Took a week before I had sex again, thankfully my partner understood and waited until i was ready which helped me. So, just be aware of her needs - she may want to jump you asap or she may want space like i did, everyone is different.
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (10 December 2009):
Some good advice in these responses! The article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) is excellent! Probably a must-read for you and your G/F.
First, I hope you two are thinking in terms like "life partners", or "marriage". The fact that you have waited until now means that sex is something significant to both of you, and not something to be done because "everybody else has done it" (trust me, they haven't - but it'll be several years before you learn that on your own), or because "we've been dating long enough", or "i'm curious about what it's like", or "just because".
I can tell you first-hand about an experience similar to yours. My wife & I waited until we were married to have intercourse. I don't think we ever explicitly talked about it, but I think we both knew, for several months in advance, the time (within a couple hours) when we would give our virginity to each other.
I certainly wouldn't say it "wasn't very good" - even though our sexual skills and technique were pretty lousy, it was VERY "good", and quite significant to us. Our second time happened a couple hours after the first, and physically was much better. All together, we did it 5 times in the first 24 hours we were married. That leads to my second suggestion: make sure you have plenty of time, privacy, and facilities for what you want to do. At least most of a day, or overnight - a whole weekend together is even better.
Both of you probably know that many women experience no discomfort at all the first time they have sex. As a guy, I was totally surprised that the initial insertion of my first time hurt ME - I had NO IDEA of how to position myself in the correct location and proper angle, and painfully jammed myself against her, someplace "down there".
I hope that before you two try intercourse you have spent some time - a few days, to several months - getting acquainted with each other's bodies and sexual responses. I think a key element to minimizing the girl's discomfort is to bring her to orgasm just before attempting insertion. That will make her as relaxed, open, and lubricated as she'll ever be. It's best if you both have a little practice at bringing her to climax, so you're both skilled and comfortable with the process. A lot of folks suggest that she should get on top of you and guide you into her - you can NOT feel what she's feeling, and she can better find just the right location and angle to receive you. This probably takes more maturity than many young people have, so she may be too embarrassed to help herself this way.
You will probably finish much too quickly. The statistics are something like 95% of all guys climax too soon on their first time - I think the average for a virgin guy is about 8 seconds, and a bit less if you have a virgin partner. About 4% of guys lose their erection when the time arrives, or can't get hard. They get to spend time kissing, cuddling, and pleasuring their partner until the necessary response happens. About 1% of virgin guys have a skilled, understanding partner who lovingly helps them to an orgasm before trying insertion, then helps him re-charge (about 10 minutes, at your age) to try the "real thing". This will help you have as much patience and control as you're capable of in that situation. It will also help you last a little longer inside her. (I wish that advice had been impressed on me!)
For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us! And despite that lousy first-time, we're still married - to each other - over 35 years later.
Other threads I contributed to include "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
Something we weren't prepared for was our emotional state immediately afterwards. I've read about this and talked to others, and the details vary WIDELY among people. (My wife & I were both sobbing, and pain wasn't the major cause.) The best I can say is that you need to be sensitive to each other, as well as yourselves, because you can do some emotional damage without even realizing it.
I hope you can come back here and tell us how it went. You can be a REAL HELP to others in your situation by relating your experience, as best you feel comfortable with. Let them know what advice was most useful, what was way off-base, and what you wish somebody had told you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): If you are very easily aroused (probably are at that age) then you might wanna bust a nut once before you try to penetrate her. It'll slow you down and give you a little more control over yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): sorry to have to correct you but your wrong as my first time was wonderful. if you dont know all the facts about how sex should feel etc are you ready for sex yet?
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female
reader, doctorlove +, writes (10 December 2009):
It is kinda odd that you guys have a plan of when to have it... do you have an exact time too?? lol... sorry. Yes you can have sex twice in the same day. You can have sex as many times as you want in a day.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): thank you all for replies.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (10 December 2009):
 I think its great that you have waited. That is one of the best things to improve the quality of your first experience in my opinion. Many folks including myself made the mistake of being foolish and impulsive. So consider yourself in a positive situation from the start.
As for the first time being bad I don't think you should operate under that assumption. If you are gentle and slow it could be a wonderful experience.
One thing I will tell you as a man is to not be in your head as much as in your body and in your heart. When you get to thinking and stressing in bed it distracts from your ability to feel your partner and intuit their desires. This may be hard for the first time but try to remember to do more feeling than thinking.
I am presuming that you have already obtained contraception because you sound pretty level headed. Preventing unexpected pregnancy is very easy and a basic form of respect and responsibility as a sexually active man. Its just not something you should ever underestimate the importance of.
I hope you both have a wonderful first experience and that you continue to develop your relationship with your woman sexually and emotionally.
Welcome to manhood my boy!
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (10 December 2009):
 First of all, it may not hurt her at all if you have any idea what you are doing. And secondly, if it does cause her some sting, assuming her hymen exists and will be broken, then she would probably not welcome a second session right away. Are you sure that you're totally ready for this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009): If the girl hurt the first time, chances are high she'll hurt the second time too. Also she can experience som real discomfort, belly aches etc afterwards. Maybe wait a day or two before doing it again? Well, try it out and see how it goes, but don't pressure her into doing it twice if the first time was uncomfortable. Most likely, if it was uncomfortable, it'll be just as painful a few hours later if not more since she can get swollen....
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female
reader, Meep!  +, writes (10 December 2009):
It all depends on so many factors. It might hurt if she's not totally ready/a bit nervous etc, but then it might not at all.It might be possible to do it again on the same day, but don't push it if she doesn't want to. As for it hurting second time round, it might and it might not - I've done it hundreds of times and occasionally (when I'm not really in the mood), it hurts for me. Deciding to 'do it' on a particular day is always a bad idea in my book. It heaps unecessary pressure and worry on the situation - as I see it it's better to go with the flow so to speak and just let things happen when they happen.
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