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My girlfriend is self concious when it comes to sex and it makes it difficult for me

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 December 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 10 December 2009)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my girlfriend is self concious. as a result she wont let me use my fingers on her or let me please her with oral sex.

at first i accepted this but now i makes things abit more difficult for me. she barely lets me feel her vagina and when she does her hand is always close by preventing me from doing what i want to do.

therefore it makes it harder for me to please her as i have to do it all by having sex, when we are having sex she wont let me do any positions other than military which is the most sensitive for a male.

its difficult for me to last as long as i want in bed because i cant break to have more foreplay etc.

View related questions: foreplay, military, oral sex, vagina

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (10 December 2009):

Honeypie agony auntI don't normally advocate alcohol and sex, but maybe ( if she is old enough) you two have yourself a couple of glasses of wine before hand ? Have VERY little light on in the room - let her explore you first. Maybe start out with some sensual massage?

http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip/25_love_tip.html

http://www.5min.com/Video/Sensual-Massage-Video-for-the-Inner-Thigh-12502

Go SLOW. Don't make her feel like she isn't doing the right thing, that will only lock her up more and DO respect that she might not like having fingers inside her or getting oral. Find out what she DOES like and show her what YOU like.

PS. Spooning ( you behind her) might also be a "safe" way of introducing her to a new position.

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A female reader, puds123 Ireland +, writes (10 December 2009):

TBH(to be honest) your gf kinda sounds the exact same as me and you sound the exact same as my bf lol tbh i think its a problem most young couples go through! Shes probably feeling insecure or scared, sex is a huge deal its probably the biggest way you can show someone you love them so the fact that shes willing to do it with you shows she does love you but maybe she doesnt love yourself enough to give herself completely.

I know its probably fustrating for you because you just was pleasure her but take things slow so maybe before you do something tell her what your going to do because she could be stopping you because she doesnt like one certain thing and doesnt know if what your going to do with lead to it. It could also be that she hasnt got much experience in this area so needs to take things extremely slow and for a while only do what shes fully comfortable doing until she gets more experience of how her bodt actually works and what she likes and doesnt like.

For her to get fully used to it maybe she should experiment with herself and then she'll be able to tell you what she does and doesnt like. Although this would helo i would personally find it hard to tell my bf what i like just purely because im not god as saying how i feel so your gf could be different.

My advice would be to take things really slow, dont move on to different positions without getting used to the first however i would explain to her that missionary is really sensitive for you etc. I would really advice yous talk things through and tell her what your going to do before you do it and make sure u tell her you can stop when ever she likes.

I hope it works out and my advice helped :-)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2009):

I used to be one of those women who wouldn't let my man give me oral. One day, he pursuaded me that he just wanted to see it and wouldn't do anything. I protested but then I finally agreed, keeping my hands close to guard myself. Then without warning, he just pinned my guarding hands firmly against my sides and just dug in there with a very wet gentle enthusiastic tongue (no biting, hard licking etc) and making these orgasmic sounds of someone who was enjoying himself. I tried to squirm but he just kept saying relax, just give in to me baby... It goes without saying that since then I have worshipped this guy.... I will do anything to please him because he overcame my reluctance with pleasure.

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