A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am torn between two men. One is my ex, who broke up with me a month ago. We were together for 3 years, and he was deployed for the last year. He evaluated our relationship while over there are decided to end it prior to coming home. He said he didn't have the feelings to take it to the next step. I came to terms with that. I began seeing a new guy. He gives me the love and passion that my ex did not. My ex wasn't very good at expressing love partially because of his personality. Anyways, everything is good with the new guy. We click in all the ways my ex and I did, plus we have other things in common. He is the type to put me first, when my ex didn't in the past.However, my ex has come home and now feels that he made a mistake. He has asked for a second chance. He doesn't know about the guy, we are keep our relationship private for now. I feel torn, because I love the new guy and he loves me back and I know I will always feel appreciated and loved. However, some part of me still wants to give my ex a change and see if he can make the changes that he knows he needs to make.He broke my heart once, he has things to he needs to change and knows he took me for granted before. My new guy love me for me. He appreciates me for who I am and wouldn't change a thing about me. He doesn't care if I do or don't have make up on or have my hair fixed.I feel silly for feeling torn. I was perfectly happy with the new guy and I could see a perfect loving future together. Now I'm questioning it all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): I agree with CaringGuy. Your ex had three years with you and he blew it. Not to sound mean, but my guess is he might be feeling a bit lonely since coming home to no girlfriend.
The new guy sounds pretty great, so I think you should definitely stick with him.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 December 2009):
Definitely stick with the new guy. It sounds like you already know he's what's best for you and treats you right. Your new boyfriend probably feels like he made a mistake because he's alone and it's around the holidays. He won't be able to offer what your current boyfriend gives you now, especially if he wasn't able to before, he won't be able to now.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 December 2009):
And what happens when your ex dumps you again because he hasn't got the 'same' feelings for you. How long until that happens? Then you'll be without either once more. Your ex was with you for three years, not just a few months. He had a lot of time to think about the relationship, and suddenly gave it up when he was far away. What happens when he goes away again? A million women before you have made the awful mistake of believing someone can change. And all but maybe one of them have been hurt. Your ex had three years to think it through, three years to change, three years to get it right and he didn't. Yet you are willing to give him another chance to fail you again while your new guy has already proved he's worth more. The answer is to leave your ex firmly in the past, and move on with the new guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): Why not continue things with the new guy? If your ex truly loves you or cares for you he will understand you being with someone else. It sounds like everything is going well between you and the new guy so why throw all of that away for something that may end up in diaster again? You deserve to be happy and the new guy sounds like he's making you happy.
What difference will time apart between you and your ex do? It will either make him realize how lucky he has you or make you appreciate the guy you have now so much more. Since its been a month I think its still to new of a break up for you and that's why you're torn with feelings. Wait it out a couple more months to see how you feel.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): No second chances. I stopped giving them out to guys because in my experience, nothing changes. They just want to know you will be there for them, no matter if they commit or not. If you really love your ex... he needs to commit to you on a whole new level and show his seriousness. Relationships aren't videogames where you can try again if your first attempt failed. It takes away trust and eats at the relationship in huge chunks at a time.
Remember, he was serious about breaking up with you too. He sure had good time to think about that too. What exactly is different now, except he got scared he made a mistake? If he was scared of making mistakes, perhaps he should have thought of that before breaking your heart, of not for anything but out of respect for you.
I vote: ex-NO, new guy-YES
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