A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It would be wonderful to get some insight into this situation.The short version is this: I've met someone that I felt this brotherly love for, as a friend, but recently I had an epiphany and realized I had feelings for him.The trouble is, that he has a girlfriend! Naturally I look at him being loving and romantic with her, and I feel sick, and the anger I feel tears me up inside. I keep wondering if he was meant for me and if I lost my chance with him, or if there is still a way he could fall for me in the future.I know that this sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I've never known the joy of loving someone, or even liking someone, who returns my feelings. I feel like I may have done wrong by not telling him about my feelings BEFORE he got involved with someone else, but I didn't want to ruin the friendship that was beginning to form.I feel like such a selfish pig when I see people living in horrible circumstances, worse than mine... I think, Oh man, if I had a grateful bone in my body I would be grateful for all I have. And, I really AM... but then I see him being loving and romantic with her, and the void starts to make my heart hurt.I'm from the United States, but I live in Guadalajara, Mexico, right now, and my friend is actually someone I work with. People tell me that I'll find someone else, but I won't love that new person. I absolutely had my heart set on dating or marrying a Mexican guy, and I'm just not attracted to guys from my own culture- American white guys. Nothing wrong with them but I don't want to date or marry an American guy. I've always thought Mexican guys were just special to me. I want someone who can dance and speak to me in Spanish be romantic. American culture seems to dry, and cold... lacking in soul (no offense to other Americans!). Also this guy has all the qualities I've been searching for! I play the piano and the electric bass, and I always dreamed of finding someone who appreciated my music and who loved music. This guy plays the piano and thinks my music is wondeful. Also, I always loved horses and started riding at a young age and this guy (despite being from the city) is an accomplished equestrian too. He also loves music and loves to dance. The girlfriend he has gets annoyed and nags at him whenever he goes to band practice with his keyboard, and she just takes it for granted when he writes songs for her. All she listens to is reggaeton. She not only hates horses, but she admits to being so afraid of them that she won't go near them. And I LOVE horses! I don't know WHAT he sees in her. People tell me to find someone else, but I don't WANT someone I won't love. I have my heart SET on someone with these qualities- likes my music, loves music, can dance, likes horses, a Latino guy who speaks to me in Spanish. People say that you can't predict who you'll love but I know in my heart what I'm searching for! And I don't want to marry a guy from my own culture. Nothing wrong with them but I want a Latino guy!Furthermore I have never experienced physical love in my life and lately I feel tense and I wonder if I'm running out of time. I keep thinking, what if I have some horrible accident that renders me unable to have sex? Eventually I'll be too old and it will be too late for me to experience sex with a guy. I am READY to experience it now. I want to know what it feels like to experience that with a guy I love. Sometimes I feel that if I could sleep with him once, I could move on with my life... but it's so disheartening to think of saving sex all these years and wasting in on a guy who loves some girl who doesn't even deserve him! I always thought it would be with someone I really loved. I never really planned on saving sex for MARRIAGE, although that would be ideal, but I wanted to wait until I found someone I loved who returned my feelings.I don't give up easily but I feel discouraged sometimes! Should I give up on love, or could he ever fall for me?Why are people unsympathetic and judgemental to unrequited love victims? Are most people in relationships just with someone they settled for, or do most people really love their partner?I would like to have a boyfriend, but no one else makes my heart jump like that. I was searching all my life for someone with those qualities, and no one else will make me feel like this. I am beginning to think I must be from another planet! This love business is so confusing.
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male
reader, j321 +, writes (22 May 2011):
You have so many questions that it is hard to remember them all. You should ask more questions and keep it simple, I think you'll get more answers. First have you told him your real feelings, you will never know what might happen unless you try. He might like you but think your not interested. Yes he has a girlfreind but he might be settleing for something less then what he really wants.
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