A
female
age
30-35,
*rueLoveWaits2016
writes:So far in my LDR, I have been the one to mostly initiate video calls, though we text throughout the day.I have asked for more vid chats, shorter times, but I usually have to ask for vid chat. It wears on me that I usually have to always hint/ask. He recently left after a nearly 2 week visit and all our communication has been through texting. Does he want a little space after spending tons of time w/me? I can understand and then I don't. I mean if he really missed me that much wouldn't he want to see me or hear my voice? Right after he left I suggested we vid chat more often for shorter periods, he said we would figure out a time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2017): These types of relationships are the most difficult of all. Because he is not there 24/7 and you have not developed enough trust, closeness and intimacy not to question his every move or action. The relationship leaves you feeling insecure. And I suspect he is not doing enough to alleviate your insecurities. And that is sad and hard to live with. A man who loves you should be lifting you up. You should feel safe and secure with him. Not questioning whether he misses you or not. This man is not intimate or open enough with you. Or perhaps he tries the best he can under the circumstances. But he cannot meet all your needs since he is not around often enough. Your relationship in a way has set you up to fail. Because the distance is not your friend. It is like a slow poison. Love makes you happy, not sad. Love makes you a better person, not a person who is unfulfilled, always wishing for more. Yes, your time together may be stellar but when you are apart, you are miserable. It is like he makes you happy and sad all at the same time. Because you never have enough of him. I guess you need to decide which one takes precedence. Anything that causes you more pain than joy is simply not worth your sanity in the long run. Are you both on the same page? Does this relationship suit your BF just fine whereas you find you are wanting more? What is stopping you from transitioning this relationship into something more stable?
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (15 January 2017):
 Sorry I think I tailored my answer to phone calls... Tbh I hate video chatting as well.. Can you just mention calling instead... Sure there's just a voice button on video chat
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (15 January 2017):
TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have talked to him again and hopefully he calls me when he said he would. Video chat is something we can't seem to get past lol. I had the same issues w/him communicating via messages everyday, but after expressing how disconnected I felt, it got way better.
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (14 January 2017):
 Personally, I find video calls, face timing etc excruciating and do my best to avoid. I'm perfectly happy texting, writing, emailing, phoning as means of communication. It comes down to personal preference. So I wouldn't worry about it. We are all different in terms of how we like to keep in touch!
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (14 January 2017):
Maybe he's socially awkward... if he's one of those blokes that sits in front of a screen all day (my bf talks to his best friends almost everyday just through fb chat :/ )it's not his go to method of contact.
While I do agree with calling being more personal, some men are lazy/ shy like this... I would call my bf more often if i wasn't a bit socially anxious, and it hadn't been a few months only going out...
However if you mention something a few times that bothers you to partner and they make little- no effort to meet your needs and make you happy, im sorry to say maybe they're not for you... they might care, but not to the extent you deserve. This isnt a reflection on you, but some people are quite flawed in how they treat others they care about... they may not even be able to help themselves rather than anyone else.
So I would mention it to him how you feel AGAIN- that this is what you NEED from an LDR... I have to agree with Andie, that if you cant compromise on the levels of contact you need in this LDR, maybe you cant be happy in an LDR...
I know that if he didnt make an effort, it wouldnt be enough for me. And no matter how long it's been, it sounds terrifying to break it off- BUT the reality is if youre consistently unhappy in a relationship and nothing's changing, it's important you move on.
Take care, post an update!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (14 January 2017):
 I suspect he is just going for the easier option. After all, texting is less demanding of focus than video chatting.
Does he find it easy to chat to you when you are together or does he have to put in a lot of effort?
Some people are just not that comfortable with certain forms of communication. Compromise is the answer - as in most things in relationships. YOU like video chatting, HE is happy texting, so agree you will video chat x number of times a week, maybe for fairly short periods of time so he does not feel under pressure. Outside those times, you will stick to texting and not give him a hard time about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 January 2017):
 You need to ask him. To me, it makes no sense to not want to either set up a day of the week - a sort of Skype night (or Facetime). BUT to actually TAKE the time to video chat might not work so well for him.
Do you two CALL and talk?
I think sticking to text is honestly, lazy. I would no be content with a relationship that was just texting. I know it more normal now for people to do, I just find it less personal than a phone conversation or even a video chat.
I'd ask him to suggest a day time for you two to video chat consistently. That you LOVE to see his face and hear his voice. A day and time that works for both of you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (14 January 2017):
 A lot of men don't feel the same way women do. He may very well miss you, but not need the contact you desire.
Can I be honest? You seem to be really struggling with his needs being different and the distance between you. It appears as though you're not dealing with it successfully and that's a red flag for an LDR.
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