A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hello, parts of my life is really getting me down at the minute and i'm just wondering if you've got any tips to try and help me feel a bit better about everything. I've been in love with this guy for 2 years now, yet he only pays me attention when he's feeling lonely or bored, and nothing would ever happen, and he has no respect for me. I know that I should just forget about him and never speak to him again, but i always seem to make excuses for him in my head.My friends, right, well there is three of us, and one of them is really nice when she's being nice, yet really really nasty to me when she's not. She's always saying I'm fat, stupid, ugly, useless, a swot, when I know that I'm none of these, yet I'm quite shy and would never say that i wasn't for fear of sounding big-headed. I know that she talks about me behind my back. But the thing is, she's an amazing friend when she's being nice, but if I confront her about this, she'd go off with my other friend. When my friends are being nice, I've never met nicer people, and I wouldn't swap them for the world. But when they turn on my like this, I just feel so useless, and lonely.I'm currently trying to lose weight for my summer holidays, and tone up so I can have a bikini body that I want, so eating chocolate or just eating is pretty much out of the question. I go running, however I wouldn't say that i enjoy it, and i don't do any other sport, apart from a couple of stretches every night.Please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): OK I know this will sound like its not the answer, but try it. Run more. Run hard and often. Run with music if you can. As a runner for years who started when at a very low point in my life I can tell you this will help. Run at least 30 minutes a day, even if you have to walk for parts. After a few weeks you will start to feel better about yourself. Maybe that will give you the confidence to find new friends and a new man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): You sound alot like me. I have always felt rejected and pretty lonely in life.. I dont really have family or friends either.. But here is a secret I learned.. Just live for yourself- dont care about getting anyones attention or being cared by anyone else- if you were alone on a desert island how would you keep youtself occupied? I ahve found that Once I gave up the thought that I would be important by having people like me( not true ever!) I actually started to have a lot of fun withmyself. learn a new language- keep occupied- write music or do math or whatever is your passion outside of other human beings.. keep yourself occupied and feel beautiful and you will find this great appreacition for things and a new light out of the depth of darkness you never knew existed. Increase your self esteem and self respect- go jogging or work on your natural talents.. If you dont show respect for yourself, no one else will.. and I learned that the very very very hard way. my dad once told me- no one will ever care about you so you might as well start caring for yourself.. once you do you will magically find that others will care for you.. but it takes time... hope this helps! Keep it up and find solace in the fact that you are bold and independent!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): You need some new friends, anyone who talks about you behind your back or treats you poorly on a whim and tells you you are fat, you absolutely do not need that person in your life. You seem to have very low self esteem to chose people who give you so little respect.
I know it is scarey, but start showing an interest in some total strangers who are interested in getting to know you and giving you a "reciprocal" relationship, you deserve it and you owe it to yourself. Dump all of these losers, I don't care how two faced they are and how nice they are when they are nice, they are messing with your head! You can do better and will be much happier if you take this advice, trust me from one who has been there.
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female
reader, Carina  +, writes (28 February 2007):
 Aww...You need some help! First, the guy: if he's only paying you attention when he's lonely or bored then you don't need him. Seriously, you can find someone who loves you for who you are and doesn't use you in this way. Second, your 'friend': I'm sorry but she's NOT a friend. She may be lovely when it suits her, but a true friend is a friend all the time. It sounds as though she's jealous of you in some way and wants to make you feel bad. Don't let her do it. I know it feels like you'll be totally friendless, but start looking round for new friends. Sometimes depending on a couple of people as your best friends can be an 'all your eggs in one basket' type thing. If you have other friends in other areas of your life then you'll feel stronger and less lonely when things go wrong. Why not find something you're really interested in and follow it through, like a club or classes for drama, karate, painting, swimming, or whatever? You'll meet new people that way. I feel like hugging you and saying 'Remember you are a wonderful person'. You ARE. Find the things that make you feel great in life and follow them. At the moment you're surrounded by people who are putting you down and it's knocking your self-esteem really badly. Think about all the great things about yourself. There are plenty. As far as sport is concerned, try to find something you enjoy doing. If you don't like running then don't do it! How about swimming, kick boxing, walking, canoeing...etc. I hope this helps a bit, but if you want to talk more please get in touch.
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