A
female
age
,
*ulcy
writes:I've had the same partner for more than eleven years now. He asked me to marry him (ring included) six months into our relationship and I happyily accepted. We lived together for a brief period but for the past 6 years we have lived apart. He says this is for financial reasons, and I do agree he has some financial problems though also runs a successful and very demanding business which he loves. He needed to borrow money from his parents 6 years ago and as he partly supports me but he has said something to his parents about me which has caused, and he agrees, irrecovable damage to our relationship - I am not allowed to contact them in any way nor to attend Christmas with his family. He also will not let me see his daughter from a previous marriage, I've met her twice and we got along well. When we talked again of moving in together he sadly said well ok then as long as I can have my independence and my family (to himself) and "all I want is a spot to put my things and a space for my car". Didn't hear any joy of "that would be great waking up beside you every day etc" as I feel. We're seeing a relationship counsellor tomorrow to discuss these issues, he feels it will only take one session to "sort me out" but I feel it will take much, much longer. I recently discovered that he left his first wife, when his daughter was 2, because she wanted him home more often. He's always made a point of travelling extensively for work. Am I in a complete dream world thinking that this man will committ to me? Because of his work demands I currently only see him once or twice a week for brief periods (and sex). Honest advice would be appreciated as I'm pretty down about this.
View related questions:
christmas, money, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): I don't think he will ever meet your needs of having a real, active relationship where you spend time and grow together. I think it is time to face that. Someone who is this distant has some serious emotional and or other problems.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Wow, 11 years of engagement and nothing to show for it. I hate to break it to you, but something isn't right here.
Personally, I think he's got a pretty sweet deal. He doesn't have to deal with any of your drama, comes over a few times a week to have sex, and strings you a long. Again, sounds like a sweet deal for him.
What I am missing from your post and what I can only gather from your question, is what do you want? It sounds like this isn't it. And after 11 years, I think you probably need to face facts that this guy isn't the "one"
If you want to get married then set a date and agree to it and run with it. If you like this arrangement (which it sounds like you don't), then continue as well. But I think you want more. I think it's time to give him an ultimatum, either you are playing for keeps and you want more involvement within his life or you move on.
Anything less than this and you are only wasting your time and prolonging the agony.
...............................
A
female
reader, lija30 +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Okay I don't know where you been this whole entire relationship but sounds like you have been in the land of Denial. Please do yourself and the world a favor and ditch this guy. He is dragging this out for some reason and its not a good one. He has another life and thats why he doesn't want you to contact his family or anything dont be a fool.Sounds to me he got to many different lives going on and you are not the main one...so save yourself some grief and leave it alone.
...............................
|
