A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About 2 years ago I started dating a good friend of my brothers she was only just 18 at the time where I was coming up to 23. But we both got on very well and liked spending time with each other.But then I realized she had a hard time at school and with her childhood which has led to jealousy and insecurity problems that had come up a lot in our relationship and caused countless arguments. For example she can't deal with the fact one of my closest friends is another woman. but I agreed to compromise and see her less for the sake of our love. This went on and off for a few years with us breaking up and getting back together because we both do feel there's a underlying love there but because of her issues and me not being able to deal with them as she expects we fight and argue about it. Then about 6 months ago she fell pregnant with our first baby. She was 19 and me coming up 24, we were both overjoyed and extremely happy for each other. We had planned that she would move into my house, I would do my best to support her financially and emotionally, we knew we had our problems before but with the baby coming I believed she would see past her insecurities and work on our family together and overall become more mature.How was I wrong, after a few months of buying baby stuff, going to scans and really planning the rest of my life with her and the baby she started telling me what I could and couldn't do with my life and started telling me she and our baby had to come first. I've always understood this but family's and relationships still have time for friends and a persons own individual needs, I put it all down to high hormones and her past history.So after all this she broke up with me and moved back in with her parents, who have just showered her with support and money and I feel really used and let down, I was finding it very difficult as I was set on being with her and the baby. This went on for a few months when I went out on a date with a new girl who is really into me and has opened my eyes to how someone should treat me. She is supportive, intelligent, very mature and has a good understanding of life. We've been dating for a little while now and are both starting to like each other. Problem is I went around to see the other girl the mother of my child and sitting there in her room all newly decorated and we talked for ages and she told me how much she's realized her issues and is working through them to become a better person for herself and our baby. This really shocked me and she seems so much stronger and independent, we've been seeing each other more and more recently as I've always wanted to be apart of the baby's life and be there as much as I could. When we started talking about how she wants to be a family with me and give things one more chance for the baby's and our sake at a happy family. Now I really don't know what to do as the idea of having a family and being there everyday for my son with her really appeals to me and its what I wanted from the start. But I do have doubts based on the past experiences with her, and this new woman who I was dating I feel there really could be something there. I am so lost at the moment and really don't know what the right outcome is, I don't want to have this massive regret hanging over my life :(Sorry this is really long winded!Many ThanksL . R
View related questions:
broke up, her past, jealous, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, sam44  +, writes (10 January 2011):
I know this is the last answer to hear... leave her my friend girls like that dont change, if she could leave you pregant she can pretty much do anything to you. Just come back and support the kid. This woman have already destroyed your life and might destroy whats left if you're not careful. Be strong, be a man and let her go nomatter how much it hurts. Focus on the good girl you have started seeing and tell her your situation, and build a happy life you deserve. Dont try to change someone, dont blame her past for her behavior, dont feel sorry for her.... always remember that in life with love.
Again, i will repeat... DO GO BACK. Goddluck with your hard situation, i feel your dilemma.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): This is difficult as your relationship with her has been flawed and there is not much to show that, once you got back to gether, it might not all fall apart again. Being with someone for the sake of the child is not enough to ensure that you will both be happy. Life with a small child is stressful and can put a strain on the strongest of relationships. It could be that she sees you getting on with your life and finds that attractive. Do nothing in haste. Maybe see her but take it slowly. Then you can see if she has matured as you say, or her issues are deep seated and will come back the minute stress enters her life. If you move back together it will be hard to leave and you will be in more of a difficult spot. Unless you really love her and feel you can ride any storms - do not go back. You can still be a good supportive Dad.Things are complicated a bit with this new girlfriend - does she know of your dilema? You have to be fair to her.At least she has shown what normality looks like. But I dare say she will not wait around too long while you ponder over your life choices.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Not sure about the actual law in your part of the world but it seems logical that you might have a shared custody arrangement coming to you if you want it. Soething to check into anyway.
...............................
|
