A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my partner is almost 16 wks pregnant with our first child and she just will not stop smoking, or even attempt to cut down even a little. She is averaging around 16-20 cigarettes every single day. She wakes up in the night for a cigarette, she has 3 cigarettes each morning before she even eats or drinks anything. I am really at my wits end with this and don't know what to do.We were NTNP for around 10-11 months so it's not like this is something she wasn't expecting as she constantly said 'If i got pregnant i would quit' and yet she hasn't even made an concerted effort to stop. The midwife, nurse, doctor everyone has told her to at least cut down but she won't listen. We went for her first scan and were told everything was fine and that has made her even worse: an attitude of 'Oh look the baby is fine, my smoking isn't doing anything'I have suffered anxiety and stuff in the past and since she has been pregnant and smoking like this i have suffered crushing anxiety and panic attacks 10 times worse than when i had it previously due to being constantly worried about all the stuff they say could happen to the baby through smoking. Her family are all big chain smokers and still give her tobacco when she runs out and don't really see it as a big deal.I am just so paranoid and worried that she is going to damage our child or give it asthma or something due to the AMOUNT she smokes, it's not like she just 4 or 5 cigarettes a day.Really just looking for some kind of advice, or anyone that's been in anything like this before?
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (6 March 2016):
 This is a very addictive habit obviously and it's easier said than done i know, however, for the sake of your innocent, unborn babys health and wellbeing, your partner would seriously benefit from cutting down or better still, giving up.
Almost all of the unborn babies internal organs, are formed within the first 3 mths within utero, so most damage would be done to your unborn baby during that time.
Your partner would have to seek professional assistance, whereby she can obtain as much info as possible, to find out ways, that will help her to do the right thing by your unborn baby.
I always say, when a baby is conceived, that unborn, helpless & innocent being didn't ask to be created, nor born, it just happened.
So you are an adult, you are responsible for carrying new life, you know you're addicted to cigarettes and you would have heard how dangerous excessive nicotine, plus almost 2,000 other chemicals within 1 cigarette are to your own and your childs health, yet you CHOOSE to keep smoking.
This leaves many to wonder, whether this makes such a person, a very selfish person.
If your partner is genuinely ignorant, uneducated in this area, this is where a professional would come in handy.
Despite being addicted, if a person truly cares about the wellbeing of their unborn baby, they'd do something about it.
This is where placing anothers needs before yours is practiced.
If your partner was a non-smoker and she had to put up with you smoking over 15/20 cigarettes a day in her space, i doubt she'd like that very much.
You are the babys father, so you have rights too. You should speak to your own GP regarding this and i personally think that your partner is actually abusing the health of your unborn baby.
She may think/assume that your unborn child is going to be ok, but until your child is actually born, nobody can really know what will be.
We must always assume the worst possible outcome, so that we abstain from doing any serious harm to that being.
As a nurse/midwife, i have seen a number of babies born to Mothers with serious addictions and to be brutally honest, those babies were not born healthy.
A number of babies were born unresponsive, very low birth weight, they had breathing difficulties, plus other issues.
The other and more serious issue here is that, nobody can foresee this childs future health and you can only wonder what damage is being done now, that will affect your childs future health.
Asthma, or even lifelong asthma could be one of those outcomes.
Sit down with your partner and ask her why she chooses to smoke so many cigarettes during her pregnancy and do let her know how very much this is affecting you.
It is affecting you deeply and she needs to know this, as it's your baby too.
I am always astounded at the selfishness of so many adults, especially pregnant mothers who choose to continue smoking, drinking, or taking drugs during their pregnancies.
All the very best to you and let me know how you get on. :-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2016): She risks damaging your child. It's a form of abuse. I would see if you can take legal action. This isn't acceptable.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Key phrase: ".... she constantly said 'If i got pregnant i would quit'" Sounds like she didn't really mean it, did she????
Besides the ill-effects on her (and your's) baby,.. she is also compromising her own health.... Is that what YOU want????
It's OK to dump a woman over a matter such as this....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (4 March 2016):
I think the fact is, she can't just stop. My grandad was the exact same, he always made out as if he loved smoking so much he'd never quit, but he eventually admitted years later that he got such bad cravings even between cigarettes that he was too scared to actually try. Do you smoke yourself? I think it's easier for non-smokers (including myself) to think that if she cared about the baby she'd quit straight away, without understanding how addictive the habit is.
That being said, she absolutely does need to stop for the sake of the baby. I'm not defending her actions, simply pointing out that it's probably not that she doesn't care about the baby. Instead of pestering her or making her feel guilty about the smoking, I'd try a different approach and have a calm conversation with her. Ask her why she won't do what she said she would, then listen to what she says. No accusing, no anger, no stress. Just discuss it then see if you can come up with a plan to support her.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Have you worked out why she refuses to try to cut down? With some people it's just plain stubbornness ie No-one is going to tell them what to do.
Vapes are popular now or even moving to low tar ciggies is better than nothing. But if she resolutely refuses to change then she is not only her own worst enemy but the baby's too.
I have heard that hypnotism works for some people. That could be an avenue to explore.
Apart from anything else now the cost mounts up sending all that tobacco up in smoke. I have heard that people sometimes put the money in a jar instead of buying a pack. That way they see the benefit of giving up.
The truth is people have to be sick of smoking to want to quit and if they don't want to in their heart it's a lost cause. You have to work hard to like cigarettes - and even harder to give them up.
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