A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I settle down that my partner in his late 40s still wants to go clubbing?Wee have been together for 2 years and before he met me his life was work and then party every weekend. Which is fair enough he was a single guy, no responsibility other than himself and job.I don't want to stop him enjoying himself and I have made out am fine with it in reality i am not. I'm 15 years his jnr and already for me I find clubs boring and I have a kid so that all died out for me in my mid 20s.Wee do things together all the time and he is excellent in a lot of ways, I'm not a stick in the mud I do enjoy a party or a special occasion but wanting to go clubbing at my age, when am not single and have a kid.Just baffles me that he still needs that life. I don't mind the idea of concerts or seeing bands, pubs, parties ect. Clubbing however to me is for young and single folk.My partner is due to start going out again when they open again in our town. This is giving me so much anxiety in why he still needs this lifestyle. Please help me understand this please.
View related questions:
clubbing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (11 August 2021):
 I suspect he has never really grown up. This may also explain why he doesn't introduce you to his parents (your other post): because, despite his age, he is not ready to settle down.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2021): He's having a middle-age crisis. He sees himself slipping into maturity, and misses those days. If he goes into a club, he'll be easily reminded that he's seen as the "old-daddy" hipster. Looking-around and noticing you're the oldest person in the room tends to sober you up. The reality hits you when everyone is referring to him as "sir." Even worse when some rude-boy calls him "old-man!"
You can remind him those days are over for you. Also remind him he might not feel comfortable when everyone looks so much younger. If he really needs the experience, humor him with one experience. That's probably all it will take.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2021): How about you get a baby sitter and go dancing together? Not night clubs, but dancing. I am sixty next month and have just started back to dancing Modern Jive and West Coast Swing, now the lockdown is over. There are many people younger and older than me who go and we all love it and go on a regular basis, some go every night of the week. Look for dance websites and see what's on in your area.
I go to Ceroc, ( a modern jive dance club )but I don't think that is in America. It's a fusion of Latin, Salsa, Jive and ballroom, all kinds of steps and moves and it's great fun and a good way to keep fit.
If your partner is more interested in drinking and perhaps chasing women, then maybe you are not compatible.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (10 August 2021):
 I'm also suprised that he want to do this as this is something that most people did in their late teens early 20's. I know i did during these times as well, but the thought of clubbing now seems rather odd to me.
Maybe if its a special occasion or somehting, or a mates stag doo, it baffles me as to why me would want to do this now in his late 40's.
Its not like he missed out on the party scene when he was younger,so why he want to re-live it is mind boggling.
Who is he going with?. i assume that the friends you have are all married with kids, so i can't see that he would have anyone to go with, at least not on a regular basis anyway.
I can see why your not happy with this, i don't think i would be either. Broach the subject with him and tell him your unhappy with this.
At your ages, are you supposed to now expect him home in the early hours every weekend drunk, then raiding the fridge, then falling asleep on the sofa?. I think not.
Maybe when he goes clubbing and he surrounded by 21 year olds he will see what a stupid mistake this was.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 August 2021):
 Yeah, he is getting too old to go "clubbing" if you ask me. That is something most of us outgrow in our 20's - with an occasional night out at a club in our 30's perhaps but late 40's?
That sounds desperate. As in, desperately clinging on to youth.
This is WHO he is, and it's not likely he would stip even if you told him you are uncomfortable with it. So you have to decide, is a deal-breaker or not.
Mostly? I think it's KINDA harmless to go listen to loud music dance and have a few drinks. Now if you add drugs and or chasing after young women... It's gross and a deal-breaker (for me).
Maybe him going out a few times and realize this is no longer as enticing as he remembers?
...............................
|
