A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've decided to change my eating habits for health reasons and my partner is not helping because he does a lot of the cooking and won't prepare the healthier meals I want, and when I say I'll do my own food he gets offended. We also used to drink wine with meals and I've stopped that to, now only on occasion but he still does and I'm beginning to find the smell of him after drinking offensive, don't know why because I used to drink with him.I really want to get healthy so how do I do this without offending him, making him leave me or end up leaving him?How long should I keep trying to get his support and understanding?Is there something wrong with a person who doesn't find it easy to support thier partner with positive life changes? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (30 December 2011):
 Have you tried 'Slimming World' at all? My mum has been on numerous diets over the years, and the food has always tasted bland or there was never really enough variety. But with this one, it's just like eating proper food. I'm not sure on the ins and outs, but it's based on 'syns' for example, you can eat fish and chips from the takeaway and cut out most of the 'syns' by just not eating the batter.
Mum says it's the best diet she has been on and it's worked for her. You do have to go to regular weigh ins and meetings, but mum reached her target weight within about 4 weeks.
As i said, it's like eating proper food, fresh ingredients and it doesn't taste bland or get boring either. Give it a try!!
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (30 December 2011):
Cerberus hit this one on the head. We need to know exactly what you mean when you say "get healthy" because honestly if your partner is cooking home cooked meals for you, you're most likely already eating healthy, since cooking fresh ingredients is almost always more nutritious than eating processed, prepackaged, "microwave on high for 30 seconds" meals.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): That all depends on what you mean "health" reasons and whether the meals he cooks aren't already healthy.
You see my girlfriend tried a few different "healthy" diets and while I supported the idea not the method. You see we already had a high vitamin, low calorie, varied healthy diet with plenty of freshly prepared chicken, fish and various veg cooked in a little oil as possible and with everything freshly prepared. Now she decided she wanted to buy specific weight watchers food that said "low-fat" on them and other times she was trying various utterly ridiculous weight loss diets.
I supported her wish to get healthy but I in no way will ever support doing that the wrong way. So I let her buy her expensive unhealthy "low-fat" crap and let her make that stuff herself. Now I will always support her and let her make her own mistakes, this wasn't a matter of me trying to restrict her or enforce my will on her, I just know in my heart that anything that says "diet, lite, or low fat" is a ridiculous scam, because if you pay attention to the ingredients themselves then they're horribly inadequate as a source of nutrition and calorie count isn't the only measure of healthy diet. Especially when all you have to do is freshly prepare your own meals and portion them well.
You see the way I "won" was to see the things she bought, for example a pre-cooked shepherds pie. Then gather all fresh ingredients for it and create my own freshly made one. Calculate through weights and measurements exactly the same calorie count in the portion I made to that of her weight watchers crap and let her judge for herself with tasted nicer. I did this with almost every meal, that combined with the fact what I was making was about 20% cheaper it didn't take her long to give it up.
If your idea of eating more "healthy" is to eat lentils and beans or to eat only food specific to a diet you read in some magazine recently or that your friends are all trying then I am fully on his side and completely against that.
Now if his idea of a meal is burger and chips, fry-ups, and anything drenched or soaked in fat, that comes pre-packaged and processed then I'm on your side but I have a feeling you're going about this the wrong way.
You see this isn't a battle OP, if you want to eat healthier then you have to go about the right way. Fad diets and low fat crap is not something you should expect any guy to agree on, most of us value taste and satiation over health.
My advice to you is if he's a person that likes burgers and chips, fry ups and all processed unhealthy crap then the trick there is to go through all the things he likes and see if you can freshly prepare those yourself. Things like southern fried breaded chicken that you buy and store in the freezer. You can buy your own chicken breasts, make your own spicy bread crumb mix and use flour and eggs as binder and prepare those yourself for him to cook when he's ready.
Replace all your cooking oil with extra-virgin olive oil and just make tiny adjustments to your current diet. Keep all the same things he likes just freshly prepare a tastier healthy version, then store those things and let him still do the cooking. Buying weight-watchers or other such low fat version will not make him happy because they do taste worse and do cost more.
You can't expect a person to suddenly start eating like a rabbit when it's not necessary at all. You can't expect him to be happy with you not being able to have meals together either because you want lentils and beansprouts wrapped in cabbage. Make little changes to your already existing diet, freshly prepare healthier, tastier versions of what he already eats and he will come around.
I have a feeling this is not something like diabetes or other medical necessity because he would have no right to complain if that was the case.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 December 2011):
 This is an interesting question, that I have some personal experience with and some friend experience.
I'm Diabetic (type to sugar diabetes). Before I was diagnosed my wife was desperately trying to control her weight. But I love food, So I kept cooking nice things that I liked to eat, and she kept eating them. It really wasn't malicious on my part, I just love food.
Then I was diagnosed. My whole world changed. She decided to eat with me. I don't enjoy cooking as much now, but we are both smaller now. So how can you get him on board with you? Well a change of diet is not just physical it is emotional and can be spiritual. He is going to need more reason to change.
You don't really care what he eats but you would like him to keep cooking for you. If he has to prepare two separate meals, that doubles his work. I can see why he is dragging his feet. Keep offering to help, and try to make it fun and challenging for him. For example new recipes are challenging, and I'll wash dishes all night If my wife will pat my butt every 10 minutes.
Another thing I've learned about dieting is to cheat. If you punish yourself with that diet every day soon you will resent it. Set aside one day each week when you will eat whatever he wants to cook. Just watch the portion size. Like So Very said one glass of wine is OK.
It's very hard when you feel all alone at a meal. Tell him that this is very important to you. You would appreciate his support as part of his love for you. Tie it all together. Often I have to tell people "hey! you are interfering with my relationship with my food." It really is that important.
FA
Another
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 There's nothing wrong with him he just hasn't made the decision to change therefore doesn't embrace it like you do. He's happy with the way he lives and can't see the point in changing that yet. You can't force him into seeing it your way. He needs to come to the decision on his own.
If he likes to cook then ask him not to serve you some of the meal e.g omit the potatoes instead just eat a small portion of the meat and the salad or vegetables. Get a smaller plate just for you and ask him to always serve your meal on that plate then you are automatically reducing the amount of food ingested.
Make the meals that you are in control of the way you want them to be and ease up on the ones he is in control of. Everything in moderation is the key to a balanced diet.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 December 2011):
 let him get offended. if he can't prepare what you want he will have to accept you will cook for yourself.
btw a glass of red wine with dinner even if every night is not a problem... even my doctor says it's good to have ONE glass....
there is NOTHING wrong with a person who doesn't find it easy to support their partner's life changes.... CHANGE is hard.
Are you asking him to make changes in how HE lives? that IS wrong. you can't force your changes on him. I would not want to cook two meals so what I do when I cook is make what we like and I supplement the healthy stuff onto my plate just for me...
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