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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi. My man looks at porn all the time, I wouldnt mind this but hes got a perfectly good girlfriend who will have sex with him anyway he chooses at the drop of a hat! except he never wants sex anymore. just the porn! We used to look at porn all the time together, you name it we did it, then it got to where he wasnt interested in sex with me so i started to complain about it, so now im in a vicous circle, everytime i mention sex it turns to an argument and we never seem to resolve it. If only he would make the effort to have sex with me, i wouldnt care about the porn. He says the porn has nothing to do with it and its what men do, he says he loves me more than life itself and doesnt see why we have to have sex all the time, I wouldnt be so off about it if only we did have sex! I have told him this countless times and it doesnt seem to make a difference, he feels like im telling him what to do and doesnt see the harm if im not here, now the thing is hes horny and looks at porn when im not here but when i am here hes not interested in sex, theres other stuff to do!? why are men like this? why dont they see that women have needs to, and that all they want is their partners to have sex with them. we wouldnt care about the porn if we had them wanting us. how can i change his view on things and want me again. we never used to have a prob but now it just seems the more i mention sex the more we are not having it! i want to feel wanted again, i dont care about the fakes on the net, i just want us to enjoy a healthy sexual relationship, im more than up for it in more ways than one, more so than alot of women, but he doesnt see that and just continues to dismiss it saying that love is more than sex and a relationship isnt all about sex, i know that, but it would be nice to get it back, how do i get us back on track without him realising it ?
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (20 May 2006):
 Unfortunately I think when your man is more into porn than you it is a hard pill to swallow.
The net gives him the opportunity of fantasy world and unfortunately you are the real world.
OK so you are horny and you want sex with your man and you are more than willing to be more adventurous than most but the problem is you are not on screen and that may never change. Do you know what turns him on when he is looking at the net? If you could see what it is that does it for him then perhaps you could have an insight into playing that little scenario out between the two of you.
If however you do that and still nothing changes then you are are going to have to face facts and say that whilst you realise that sex is not the b all and end all of a relationship actually having it from time to time would be nice as you have needs as well and you just want to be able to express your love for him in a physical way as well.
If he still remains the same then I would say cut and run love as he is totally gone and nothing will get him back.
My ex started to look at porn online and his desires in the bedroom took on a very perverted line and it just wasn't me so he found himself someone who was more willing to try everything and eventually he cheated on me for 2 and a half years and we split last June. I still work with my ex every day though in our own business and we are very amicable as we have a 5 year old daughter together but when things start to change in your relationship with the porn factor, they never normally go back to how they used to be as he has moved on in a big way.
Sorry to say it but I doubt things will change for the better.
BFN
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (20 May 2006):
 Well I'm sorry to say that it looks like you may be in a no win situation. Your man is a goner, if you are willing and he'd rather play with his pud then it looks pretty much hopeless. Porn is an addiction and if he is in denial about this then he can't and won't be cured. Pack your bags and move on, tell him to look you up once he's recovered.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2006): Im thinkin that he loses interest in you because you dont look like the girls on the porn video (i mean by the way they dress, the fantasy theme they make of it, etc.) or it could be that he's losing interest in it because you've been dating for a while and he got a little bored and/or you know how couples get when they get married, well the man always just wants to do normal, regular sex with his spouse because it makes him feel like he's treating her like a whore (is weird)by doing the things on the porno and doesnt do freaky stuff like that with his wife anymore out of respect or love. If i were you I'd get put on some lingerie and walk around the house after a shower. This will remind him of being wet! or wear a skirt with no panties. you know get his little fantasy going like in the pornos. sure you said that you do any sex act, but you also need to create a fantasy going like in the pornos before you have sex.
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