A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This question isn't about my relationships but my parents and whether or not I should get involved. Long story short, my parents have been married for 35 years. I don't think they've ever gone 2 months without arguing about something and subsequently not speaking to each other. But through all the ups and downs, good times and bad times, they always found a way to make up. I'm not sure what exactly it was that set off this last arguement, but not only have they hardly spoken to each other in the last month, but now my mother is planning to divorce my father. My and my brother's relationship with our parent's is.....well unlike some who bond with their parents like regular friends, we bond with them as our parents. We don't want to take sides or frankly get in the middle of it. But we were wondering if we should try talking to each of them about what happened/is happening or simply step back and let them make their own decisions. They're adults and they know what they're doing. It just seems kinda ashame to disolve a family after 35 years. Should we say something or stay out of it???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 March 2010):
You have to let them do their own thing. That's hard, I know. But it's their decision, and they have to make it. Chances are there are a lot more things in their marriage that you haven't seen or heard. They think this is for the best. All they need to know is that you love them both.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 I'm going to get some flack from the other aunties, but I have a different opinion.
I agree 100% that there isn't anything you can do, and that it's their decision.
On the other hand I believe that you should be able to tell your loved ones anything and that it's unhealthy to hold stuff inside when your gut feeling is telling you that you need to get it off your chest.
I don't want to give you false hope, because I think this divorce is out of your hands, but I do feel that you should tell your parents how you're feeling because I feel that it would help you get a sense of closure.
I hope this helps...
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (22 March 2010):
I think you should let them know that you're not going to take sides and that if they're not happy in their marriage that you respect their decision and you're there for them to lean on if they need some support or need someone to talk to.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 There is nothing you can do if they want to get a divorce. You should let them settle themselves and not take sides .
You could suggest to them to go for counselling and hope for the best.
Whatever the outcome , you will have to accept it
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 I think you should stay out of it as far as talking to them goes. Like you said, they are adults and know what they are doing, ..but there may also be issues present which you are not aware of and would be better off not not aware of for everyone's sake.
On one hand, yes, it would be a shame, ..on the other if your parents have fought on and off for so long maybe neither of them has had real happiness, and may have a chance to find that if not together - so there could be an upside to all this too.
If you want to butt in at all, I would suggest your brother and you chip in to send them away for the weekend to a romantic setting and see if they can find a spark to rekindle between themselves.
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A
female
reader, Entirely Unique +, writes (22 March 2010):
 I would stay out of it, they've been together a long time and they will find a way to work this out one way or another which is best and right for them.
If you get involved it might complicate the situation and add pressure to the decision they want and need to make for themselves and leave them making one to suit you and your Brother.
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