A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid there is something that's been bothering me for the last couple of weeks . some days i feel like i'm ridiculous for even thinking about it . other times i feel like i'm right. yet the more i ponder about it i go back and forth in between the two so finally i ask for help . you see there has always been a sort of nepotism between me and my younger siblings and at first i never really cared much about it but now i see it taking part in my unborn child too. reason i say that is because my younger brother is currently dating a girl who has a child but the child she has is not my brothers my family knows this because my brother dated her while she was literally pregnant which was fine . when her child was born we treated her like part of the family a granddaughter to my parents and niece for me . After i got married and a year in a half into our marriage we found out i was pregnant i was thrilled and so were my parents . but when i came to visit i found myself getting lectured by my brother and his girlfriend who are younger then me about the responsibilities of having a child like they had so much experience and knew best when she had her baby at 17. my brother didn't even allow me to be around his supposed "daughter" as much and would tell me hurtful things when i tried to help him get her to stop crying . i'm married i work I've worked with kids for almost 2 years i go to school and i'm graduating from college in one semester. my husband works a great job were better stable how is it that there lecturing me but w.e . Then my mother showed little interest at my doctors appointments and was more interested on getting out to see her granddaughter. when i found out the sex it was the same thing. my in laws are more involved and excited then they are its sad. thinking this time was different i visited her again and she made comments about my unborn baby saying i should name him demonic names and laughed calling him Lucifer i found this non humorous and told them that i didn't find it funny for them to talk about my son that way and that if it continues i won't let her even see my child and she said well i got my granddaughter and i was upset and i left to my in laws. my husband found this very upsetting and told me that if i wanted to i didn't have to tell my parents anything and i could just keep telling and making plans with my in laws and aunts and uncles who seem more then excited and involved in my pregnancy .for the most part i think my brother has been my moms favorite so it makes sense for her to value her sons child more shes even been telling his gf to have one but from my brother. sometimes i cry about it because it hurts me i mean I've been there for my parents and I've helped them when ever there in need of money i even give go out of my way to get them the best gifts for everything .yet still its like they don't notice me or the things I've done at all . am i over reacting ? am i just jealous of a baby ? or do i have the right to be angry and suspect that they don't really care.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 November 2011):
 I think you are feeling vulnerable and a bit overreactive in general because of your hormonal turmoil, and because of the already existing sibling rivalry with your brother . You already think that your parents favour him, so you choose to see all the details that may confirm this impression rather than disprove it.
Let's see...maybe your brother and his GF weren't actually lecturing you, or at least they did not mean to lecture you, they meant to share their experience and knowledge. Yes she had a child at 17, but with parenthood you get your grades on the field, there's nothing like a hands-on approach for learning fast, so , I am sorry, but, for the time being, her practical experience beats all your theorical and work experience, or at least compares more than adequately with it. Plus, all the world wants to tell you how to raise your kids and give you advice when you are pregnant, including single people. You'll see, it will happen again and it has probably already happened. Only, from other people you'd take it as a well meant interest and from your bro you take it as a lecture.
As for the Lucifer joke... aw come on, that's really your hormones talking :). Unless you are a religious integralist of some sort. It's a common JOKE - when I was expecting, I called MY baby 666 ( the number of Satan ) because it felt like having a little devil poking my insides with his pitchfork!I bet what you want that they did not mean to put down you or your baby.
As for the more interest they take in your brother's stepkid, that may very well be a misperception born from your own jealousy and insecurity. Frst of all, kudoos to your folks for being so loving and accepting to a kid that's not their own flesh and blood . Then, well, I'd say it's perfectly natural to be more interested in and excited about a young child who is already actually there, visible, having all her first ( first step, first teeth,first word ) just right under their nose , rather than in an unborn baby who right now it's like... a beautiful project. Fantastic, sure, but less ..entertaining, I think it's the word.
Last but not least, everybody is different, and people have a different way to express their feelings. Eventually, what it counts is what they DO , not what they say. My in laws were very effusive and emotional about my baby ( their first and only grandkid ), countless oohs and aaahs, big fuss. In practice, they never lifted a finger to help - with cash or babaysitting or anything. My parents, the opposite. Not very demonstrative, not making a big fuss, - but very willing and ready to help and assist when needed. Guess what I appreciated more ? ...
All in all, wait to see what happens once the baby is here and growing up, before drawing rush conclusion.
Mind you, there's no point in denying that parents have their favourites- they do. They'll deny it, in good faith, and they will say they love all their kids the same, which is true : they LOVE them all the same, but they LIKE one better . Which may even be the case with you and your brother.
But, in my experience, generally this does not get carried on to the second generation, they are more impartial with grandkids. And, should it even be as you fear, so what ? it's not something worth poisoning your blood about, and being so upset about it. Your child will still get plenty of love, attention and affection from all the people surrounding him. Don't spoil that with silly competititions for who's the more fussed about.
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