A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About 8 months ago my boyfriend broke up with me. It was really hard on me because i was really in love with him. It took me months to get over it. Now Im finally getting my life back and I feel really good. But I'm starting to miss having someone that is more than a friend... yet i don't think I'm ready to start a new relationship... so I was thinking about getting some Friends with benefits kind of relationship... no strings, just having fun... so I have been considering it and I think I might have the guy that's right for it... recently I become close to a friend from college... in the past we didn't really hang out outside school but lately we spend a lot of time together. Mainly it was with our circle of friends but for a few weeks now it has been just the two of us a couple of times.. i like him and I'm pretty sure that he would be good for something like this since a couple of months ago he ended a relationship too and I dont think he's interested in starting a serious relationship. I know for a fact that he likes me too so .. is it a good idea? ... but well then there's this other guy who just came back to town and he's staying here for good... we used to be FWB about 3 years ago and we always kept in touch. We were good friends and now that he's back we've been hanging out a lot. I really really like him and since we've been FWB before i guess it would be easier to have that kind of relationship with him again... the problem is that I'm actually starting to like him a bit too much and I dont think is a good idea to have that kind of relationship with him, since I'm not looking for a serious relationship and I really don't want to get my feelings involved. If i actually end up doing this FWB thing with any of them i'll make perfectly clear that is just that and not a serious relationship so noone's feelings are going to get hurt. Any advice? I like them both but i don't know what to do ..
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 November 2011):
 I am sorry as a huge proponent of free love and meaningless sex I'm going to vote NO to FWB...
someone always gets hurt, usually the woman.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 November 2011):
 Sorry, I agree with Pinktopaz. FWB is meaningless sex, because you don't have to put in the work of a relationship, you are just in it for the physical benifits.
If you want a guy to hug, kiss, talk to and have sex with you obviously don't really want a FWB, as you can not really keep your feelings and emotions out of the equation.
To me it sounds like you really want a BF, not FWB.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 November 2011):
FWB is meaningless sex, especially with two guys. If you want something more then that's called having a boyfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you're getting me wrong. Meaningless sex is not what I am looking for .. just someone to talk to and be with that I'm allowed to kiss and hug and yes maybe ocasionally have sex with (with protection, obviously), but without having all this pressure on Where is the relationship going, is it going to be long term, do i want to be more serious, jealousy, and just having a label that keeps me from getting to know someone else in case i want to, etc etc ... If i just wanted to have sex NSA I could just go and have one night stands, but that's not at all what I'm looking for.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 November 2011):
I am from a different generation then you, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
I don't believe in having casual sex with someone you know, just so you have someone to have sex with. To me it feels like the experience of sharing sex, should mean more. For many women (and girls) sex and love becomes inseperate, and "we" (as in females in general) thinks that we love someone because we have sex with them. Once you try and seperate sex from feelings what is the point? IMHO.
What is wrong in having friendships that doesn't involve sex? And waiting til you find someone to SHARE that with at some point in time? You are not going to "dry" up or "forget" how to do it. It might actually be WORTH the wait.
To me no strings means, no caring.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (8 November 2011):
Been there for sure. Honestly, they suck but at the same time when one isn't giving you the attention you want then you can fall back on the other one. BUT in the end you'll want the full attention of someone and they may not feel the same way. Just about any guy loves the idea of FWB and usually you don't need to declare it to them--you probably won't need to.
So I don't think there's anyone that can tell you what to do because you're going to do what you want. But someone always ends up getting feelings in these situations and usually it's the woman. You also don't know what they're up to on the side since it's all "no strings" so make sure you use protection too, during my "fun" in this love triangle one of them (and I knew which one) gave me chlamydia then I had the fun of telling the other one that I gave him chlamydia...so save your health and the embarrassment.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2011): Either FWB will become a serious relationship for you even if you don't want it to. Good sex changes a woman's chemistry to like the person she has sex with.
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