A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys,This will be long, so please bear with me.I am a 19 year old Asian Australian. All my life, my parents (especially mum) have restricted me from doing much (this includes going out with a guy friend for coffee, going out, parties..etc). She let me go shopping with my best friend, and would stay in the shopping center so we'd bump into her a few times... In high school, she didn't let me date, which was fair enough. She never listens to me and always thinks she's right. She also puts me down at times. I didn't do well in highschool due to (I think) depression. I ran away from home once. For uni, I managed to enrol in a course that was 5 hours south from home. My dad let me go because he wanted me to appreciate what I had at home, but I didn't, because I loved the freedom and independence I had. I also found a loving and supportive partner. I didn't do well, because I did a course that wasn't for me (my mother wanted me to do it) - it was an alternative pathway into dentistry. I've changed into another course, but late last year, we found out my mother had early cancer, and she's decided to move to another state with family (even though her treatment is 6 weeks long). That means my sister and I have left everyone behind to make new friends and adjust. I have a hard time making friends..I just didn't want to start again from scratch. It's also a really big daunting city. We're staying with my aunt and uncle who are very nice, but also extremely strict (they don't have children).. They gave me the room next to them so they can supervise when I go to bed (I sleep very late). The problem is I'm not allowed to visit my boyfriend. It's not logical for him to visit me, because it's going to cost $1500 each visit. It's been almost 3 months and we're both almost crazy. I was crying one night before bed, and my mum found out. She called me "stupid" and told me to 'get over him and move on'. They haven't treated him fairly either (fail to acknowledge that he's in my life). Throughout my life, I've never done anything crazy to disobey my parents or relatives..I've never partied late without telling them, I eat dinner every day with them, I help out with dishes, chores..etc. I'm thinking of buying tickets to go see him anyway. Just leave and tell them when I'm about to fly. But my mother is sick...and I feel terrible about it. But I'm really losing it here, I've been crying almost every night. It's just really lonely here, and I feel like my life is controlled. I'm going to get a casual job and try save up enough to move out by the end of the year. But would I be a bad daughter if I do? And also would I be a bad daughter if I left in a few weeks?Thanks
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female
reader, Tatiana101  +, writes (4 February 2013):
Tell your family your a grown women and deserve to be treated like it. I know parents can be controlling but they need to know that your a grown up not their child anymore.. Go see your boyfriend tell them you appreciate their opinion but your going to see him anyways.. You can do whatever you want they can not control you anymore. It does not make you a bad person to want to live your own life and make your own mistakes. Just let your mom know that you love her and still will be there for her if she ever needs you that you'll only be a call away.
A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts +, writes (4 February 2013):
 Hi OP,
I too am an Asian Australian, often subject to my parents will. I'm not sure about your parents but my siblings and I have always been pushing the boundaries our entire lives such that now the parents finally accept that we know what we are doing ;) The main reason why we pushed boundaries was because we saw how unhappy the parents were because of decisions made for them by their parents (i.e. our grandparents). It's your life and you'll still be dealing with the consequences of what your parents chose for you long after they're gone. I know it's hard especially because Asians like to raise their kids with this immense respect for elders and they expect you to do whatever your elders tell you to do, but honestly if you always do what they say, you'll resent them and your life. So I reckon that if you really want to move back then you should do it.But you should try to do it in a way that you won't sever ties with your family. If they don't want to talk to you, just call them anyway. Send them letters. Visit them. If they are your parents, eventually they will forgive you. If not, then I probably wouldn't call them parents anyway... Anyway, you're gonna have to leave the nest eventually ;)
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