A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I sent naked photos of myself over the Internet to someone I chat to. I know this was really really stupid but the guy is really genuine and he did the same etc. He lives in America (thank God) and I'm in the UK and he doesn't have any other info on me apart from my first name and a random email address which isn't connected to anything official. The only thing I'm worried about now, the paranoia has just hit me- that somebody has those photos of me and even though they're in a diff country they'll come back to haunt me. He always said he'd delete them if I asked him too and even without asking him, he was the one who reassured me and said he'd never send them round. Am I being too paranoid? Could these pics come back to me? The only problem is that my first name is foreign sounding so is more unique than your average 'claire' would be. I feel really depressed at mo about them coming bk in the future- I'm naturally a very paranoid person and fact I gave my name out has exacerbated this. I was fine when he didn't know my name.Plus- he dropped the bombshell that he's actually married and I want to stop chatting to him after that now. He feels really bad about it and knows it's wrong. I just don't know if he would ever delete the pics if I asked him to. How likely are these pics to come bk to haunt me? Have got v private settings on my facebook btw!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the poster on the 14th december:
Just a quick message to thank you for your really kind reply, I honestly appreciate it. All I needed was some reassurance really becuase I obviously couldn't tell someone about it and needed someone like you to write it into words that it would not happen. I know it won't but I just had to have someone confirm it (however silly it sounds!). Sorry for late reply, just got back from holidays! Hope you have a lovely new year and things go well for you xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Hullo! I just wanted to follow up on what I wrote on the 12th, and to respond what was written on the 10th by another anonymous, cause what he said is absolutely right about the technical aspect of it all, that data that passes thru the net is saved on machines all over the world, and copies are kept for a long, long time, but the amount is enormous, and the backup files from servers are usually in compressed format, and not easily accessible, or found.I mean, it's creepy to think about copies of images of you out there that you don't necessarily control, but the sheer size of the 'ecosystem' makes it highly improbable that it's going to be found out by a future employer or your family unless someone wants it to be found, and that pretty much comes down to him or you.And that's the thing, if he wanted to break things off with you because he was feeling guilty, and if you parted on amicable terms, there's no motivation for him to use anything against you, as it would ultimately expose him, and I can't imagine he wants that.(And hey, your name isn't going to come in search engines associated with your images unless it's placed there, and it doesn't sound like it has been, or will be.)Bottom line: he either deletes the pics or he doesn't - I'd bet he does - and you can only take him at his word, but you'll never know for sure, and that's that - at some point you'll have to let it go.Truth is, I suspect you're mostly scared for it being out of your control, and for the potential consequences that could transpire, but I can say with utmost conviction that the odds are really, really, really small that your fears are going to come to pass - ain't gonna happen. One more thing, I get the impression you're feeling guilty, too, and I dunno, there's not much point in that, either, cause guilt is only useful if it causes you to stop doing something you think you shouldn't do, and if you learn something from it, and it sounds like that's the case, on both counts.I mean, you pushed some boundaries - okay, crossed them - and maybe got caught up in the whole sexiness of it, but it's fairly innocent, in the scheme of things - and besides, some day, when you're much older, and can look back and see that nothing bad came of it, you'll probably laugh about it, and maybe even tell your grandkids, with a sly wink and a chuckle.So yeah, it's okay, you're fine, don't beat up on yourself - and have a lovely holiday, eh?Cheers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd my face was covered by my phone in the pics- its just it would be obvious if someone I knew saw them- i.e. he traced people in my fam/future partners down and blackmailed me with the pics. But i think i'm thinking too far ahead!
(Sorry have been writing my previous updates in wrong box- have been writing them as 'replies' to my own question, please read there for more info on 12th dec/10th dec posters)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys,
Thank you for your responses. The pics/messages were sent through an app on a phone so not linked to email. I do know he transferred the pics to a computer though. We spoke and agreed to finish it- he wanted to just as much due to guilt about wife. I've got strong suspicions he wouldn't ever distribute- i'm just naturally a very paranoid person and guess i shouldnt be playing this type of 'game' if i am like i am. The only reason I was worried was because of the uniqueness of my name and him finding me on facebook/typing my name in and finding me by career etc in the future. I'll just have to risk my trust in him to delete the pics, which he said he would 'without a doubt'. Thank you to everyone, espesh 12th dec reply who really reassured me and 10th dec who was very technical although I thought maybe a bit ott?? Really? Do people go to those lengths? Thanks anyway x
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): I agree with what the anonymous poster answered on the tenth.
That said, you know, you're going to stress if you're going to stress, and that's that, but...I think once you've done what you can from your end, it's going to be fine: you're not famous (are you?), and he's married - I'm inclined to think he's not at all likely to go posting hot pics that could wind up hurting him, or come between him and his kids.
In the end, men (and women) have been photographing each other since home photography came into being, but it's only within the past fifteen years or so that it's been so easy to taken and distribute images, however, the flipside of it is that there are billions of images out there, and gawd knows how hard it is to find the things you want to in Google.
First he would have to post them, then they would have be associated with you, then someone you know would have to see them and pick up on the fact that you were the one in the photos.
Could it happen? Sure. Is it likely? No.
I say relax about it. You did something rash, probably seemed sexy at the time, but hey, everyone does that at some point in their lives, in one way or other.
I wish you the best, and a more relaxed 2011.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): If the pictures are recognizable as you, then you have some worry, BUT there isn't anything you can do about it as regards what someone else might do with them.But, their is something that you can do.Stop contact with this person, abruptly, without any emails about concerns or regrets or anything else, don't even ask him to delete your pictures, and change your email, and all contact information, and dump your facebook and all that crap. In other words, right now, without telling him anything, wipe out your accounts as much as you can, and let time and server upgrades and old information get allowed to get older. Delete them from your computer as well. Then empty your PC's trash file. Then download an empty space file shredder utility that will write and rewrite all your empty space on the hard drive, these are free downloads that use Defense Department utility protocols to wipe empty hard drive space (by the way, they can take all night to run on a small hard drive).Why all this?Well, you emailed those pictures. They don't just exist on his computer, they exist on many computers and servers and hard drives along the path to him potentially, that's how they got to him. They will exist there for years.What you want to happen is for him, or anyone else who might get them, to not associate any fear or guilt or importance to them, and not figure that you have any worry about them so that they could be used against you.By deleting all these accounts, you let them go dormant, and allow all this to be gradually destroyed by server upgrades, old data deleting, etc, etc, etc over several years.How long do you have to wait?7-10 years.That is assuming that someone isn't intending to use them against you. If they do, then you might find you have them surface again 20 years down the road. But, that is a police matter.How do I know all this?God, don't ask what my daughter did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, that's why I don't know whether to stress really obviously to him that he has to make sure to delete all my pics when I tell him I want to stop chatting to him- i.e. he might figure out that I am really paranoid about the pics and decide to keep them for future's sake. Should I stress it obviously or just ask him to be decent and then end the convo with 'i trust you'll do it' and make it sound like it's not such a big deal to me?
btw, no, he's told me he just keeps the pics very secret from his wife (cringe)
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys,
Thanks for the responses. I guess the thing I'm most worried about - I know this sounds really really silly- is my name coming up in search engines later in my future because of my career etc and this guy (although I do think he is genuine) holding me ransom with the photos etc. I know this is paranoia at its worst!! I actually don't think people's natures are that dark to do that to someone- I mean, I can't imagine doing that to him with his pics (what with him being married etc). Oh and the photos have most of my face covered...it's just if someone I knew got sent them, then it'd be obvious that its me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): If he does this often, it could be that he just deletes the photos, specially if he is married. Probably nothing to worry about.
The thing to concentrate on is what you have learned from the experience and to be more careful next time, because really you are writing to someone who you don't know at all, who could be telling you a pack of lies.
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reader, Myrrh +, writes (10 December 2010):
 I wouldnt worry too much. If hes married theres a good chance he deletes things regularly so his wife doesnt discover anything. I wouldnt rely on him deleting things because he can be trusted to keep his word. His wife would know hes not good at doing that. But im sure he removes things to cover his tracks. And even if your pictures did end up on public sites. Whos to say its really you with all the software around that can change images. Dont worry about it. Maybe if youre ever tempted to exchange images with someone over the net again. Wear a fun mask or just send body shots only to protect yourself from exploitation.
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reader, the_phoenic +, writes (10 December 2010):
naked pics of a pretty women well circle the world
and it is very possible to come back to you and your name doenst matter as you you'll find these pics under different names and countries !
but you dont need to feel paranoid
i personally wouldn't freek with a girl who i found her pics in the net aslong as i know that she is faithfull and honest to me
because we do all commit mistakes and nude pics is no big deal
infact many people got their pics snatched from their computers thought they have never sent it to any one
by hackers who dont leave any one alone ;-)
take care
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reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (10 December 2010):
Your fate is in the hands of other people now, you can't control it. If you have the sense that he is a genuine guy, which he might be, you can just ask him to delete them. He might. Or he might not. Keep in mind, you have naked pictures of him and he is married so he is at a greater risk of being held to ransom, more reason to be worried about the thing that you are worried about.
Is there a possibility that they will come back in the future and be posted - yes, it is possible. However, there are so many photos of so many naked people on the internet, it hardly matters, and it makes the likelyhood of anyone you know seeing them ever very small indeed. If anyone ever asks, you could say someone probably had access to your computer and stole them, and that you are not to blame, if you feel ashamed about it. Or you could admit what happened and just accept it and be ok with it.
The overriding lesson is: DONT EVER EVER EVER GIVE PEOPLE NAKED PICTURES OF YOU, EVER. NEVER EVER. Unless you are ok with them making their way onto the net. Why? Even if it is someone you are dating, or going out with, or married to for 50 years, if you have them, there is a good chance someone will find them and post them on the internet. Your husband of 50 years has a computer virus and takes it into a computer place - next day, on the internet. Your grandkids are snooping around and copy some of your data, and then their friends find them and boom, you are on the internet. In your case you are "possibly" lucky that the person who has them sounds decent, that takes the chances from 95% down to between 30 and 50% in my opinion.
Don't do it :)
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